Power Couples?

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What are your guys thoughts on power couples? Do you want a girlfriend/wife with a demanding career? Do you prefer girls with lower stress jobs or even housewives? When you have children do you want a wife who works a lot (60+ hours a week)?

Comments (123)

 
Controversial
  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 25, 2020 - 10:43pm

Forget gender roles, having two parents working long hours and being absent in their children's lives for the pursuit of wealth is horrible and selfish. Try to explain to your kids that you viewed them as less important than the bonus or promotion without getting backlash, resentment or hatred.

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Most Helpful
May 25, 2020 - 10:59pm

Eh. I grew up with a stay at home mom but I have plenty of friends who grew up with “power couple” parents. If anything, the kids with working moms were better prepared for school and were more... polished? And I know plenty of fuck ups whose retarded moms stayed at home and/or whose parents ended up in nasty ass divorces with their “helpless” moms cleaning out their dads.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with nannies and having help. You grow to love them in a different way and they give you another perspective as you grow. It’s not like kids with nannies automatically assume that their parents don’t love them, and it’s rare for both parents to be completely absent all the time unless they never wanted kids in the first place. I feel like the argument against nannies and career women is usually made from bitter people who can’t afford them

I won’t settle for someone who doesn’t have a career. Not a job, a career. Maybe she’ll make the decision to stay at home for a few years but I don’t want to bankroll the seamless and reality show watching habits of an intellectually lazy partner for the rest of my life. I’ve seen firsthand the type of woman who doesn’t want to be challenged, what happens to the men who marry them, and how their kids turn out. Fuck that noise. This isn’t the 1950s

And if you think you can maintain your lifestyle in Manhattan once you have kids on a single income, think again, especially when your friends have paired off with those dreaded career girls

 
  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 25, 2020 - 11:17pm

Fair enough, my friends that were the sons of power couples hated their parents for never showing up to sporting events and were desperate to hang out with my dad when we would go fishing or hiking . Just a perspective that has scarred me however like you mentioned it does come down to the parents and ultimately the ability to raise kids.

Red flag if you date let alone marry a woman who doesn't have her shit together. Big simp energy if you even consider that woman to be of high quality or capable of raising kids.

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Funniest
May 25, 2020 - 11:46pm

Times are different now. Kids raised in nyc don’t give a shit if you didn’t make it to their games, they give a shit if you don’t buy them the new iPhone every year or make them take the subway instead of ordering an Uber for them like their friends’ “power couple” parents.

Trust me, I’ve seen it firsthand with my useless excuse for a sister. Wasted my parents’ money on a shitty expensive degree she didn’t use before making them pay again for a shitty masters degree she didn’t use. They paid her UWS rent and vacation bills through her 20s because she made shit in her “career” (lol) until she tricked my BIL into marrying her. They had to move to the suburbs because she is both unemployable and has no desire to work, only post photos of her unruly spawn on Instagram. He has to wake up at 5am everyday to commute into the city and doesn’t get home until late. I’m sure she whines or cries or bitches when he does, because that is the kind of harpy she is. He makes decent money too, so I’m sure he daydreams about what life would’ve been like if he wasn’t living in hell. Fuuuuck that kind of life, I’d rather die alone

 
  • Associate 2 in Acct - Other
May 26, 2020 - 4:51am

Interesting view. I dated a girl who’s parents were absent from most of her life because of their careers. It started off great but gradually she began to demonstrate her complete lack of empathy and family values. I think it can really fuck a person up if you don’t have that parental bond which you develop from actually having your parents present day-to-day and throughout your life. Her mum’s solution for most issues was to hand her money. Was quite shocking to see.

 
May 29, 2020 - 9:39am

Spot on. From my observations, nannies in the US seem to be lesser than a family member compared to non-US countries. Kept the same one well into the early teens, became a sort of aunt/older sister; learned about negotiation and playing people against one another (important life skills) through her in a way most mothers wouldn’t condone; so the stereotypes about lack of attachment to parents are bullshit. For kids, there's a certain amount of independence one acquires from not being mothered full time that works out very well into adulthood.

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Jun 8, 2020 - 1:22pm

KREBSCYCLEOMG:

I won’t settle for someone who doesn’t have a career. Not a job, a career. Maybe she’ll make the decision to stay at home for a few years but I don’t want to bankroll the seamless and reality show watching habits of an intellectually lazy partner for the rest of my life. I’ve seen firsthand the type of woman who doesn’t want to be challenged, what happens to the men who marry them, and how their kids turn out. Fuck that noise. This isn’t the 1950s

Amen

 
Jun 11, 2020 - 12:57pm

This is a fantastic post. Finding the right person to be with (or conversely, being prudent enough not to settle for the wrong person), has a massive ripple effect on almost every other aspect of your life (career, other relationships/friendships, etc.). I think I vastly underestimated this for a while as I dated some really terrible people. I got blindly lucky meeting my current S/O and bottom line is sometimes you don't know what you were missing until you experience it.

But definitely, if someone can't find that or something similar it's better to be single in a lot of cases.

"Who am I? I'm the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy."
 
  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 26, 2020 - 5:42pm

Not even, I just don't understand why you would be attracted to someone who isn't passionate about trying to achieve a goal. I despise any man or woman who loathes around and doesn't attempt to make moves that betters their lives but instead will latch onto their partner because of the stability it brings.

I can't imagine trying to raise a daughter and having to tell her that her mom has never worked hard for something in her life or shown enough determination to go after it. It would reinforce outdated gender roles and worse yet be used as a crutch for failure.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
May 25, 2020 - 10:58pm

Honestly, I would want my wife to be a housewife or someone who can devote considerable time to help and guide the children. from firsthand experience, I have seen that kids who are the most successful have atleast one or both the parents who can devote time to see what the children are doing. At the same time, the person should be well-educated and smart because if she's a bit dumb then I don't know how well she might be able to guide the children eg. if they come with a question, I don't want my wife to say "just google it".

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
May 26, 2020 - 3:41am

same, my parents were never home growing up and it was just me and the nanny.. i get jealous seeing the relationships my friends have with their parents and how they can always confide in them and be vulnerable around them fuck i think i got issues

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
May 26, 2020 - 5:23am

Every case will be different. My dad wanted to make a solid career and his career was and still is all he cares about - he is now C-Level at a F50 firm. My mom on the other hand stopped working to raise me and my siblings (3 kids). Their marriage ended in a divorce as my mom had enough of it I believe, and my mom started working again when I was 8, I think she wanted to prove him that she could make a good career too. My dad had to move to another city and later to another country, I would see him 5-6 times a year, and later 2-3 times a year whilst I was living with my mom. Meanwhile my mom was working hard on her career, and wasn't there at home. While she wasn't just throwing money at us, we had to act as adults at the age of 8 and 11 (I have an other sibling that is 3 years older than me). I remember cooking dinner every other night as we would rotate between who's cooking, being at my grand parents on weekends. Missing sports training because no one could drive me. And trust me it sucks, it's not fun to miss your game with your region (I am based in Europe) football/rugby team. But it also makes you grow up way faster, when I got to uni I was the dedicated chef as I had been cooking for the last 10 years every evening, I was also much more mature when it came to going out and all that stuff. I realize that luckily my siblings and I put barriers in terms of what we did, but one could have easily taken drugs, gone out every evening. My dad would have not even noticed and its quite fucking sad to say that your dad has never seen you play at team sport you were good enough to be in the national team (EDIT - I think he saw me play on TV lol).

Enough of me bitching so here's my takeaways from my life. Yes having money is cool, but as a Kid you don't care about money, you want memories. Can I tell my kids I have played football/rugby with my dad, no. So life is about balance, not being all in on something, enjoy your kids, make the most of your career before having kids. And I don't think that there should be roles whereby one of the parent takes care of the kids and the other pays the bills, I think again its important to have 2 parents that can be fullfilled at work and at home with the kids. And you alwyas have a choice in life, you can always say no or you can always ask for more. My dad always asked for more, he moved to another continent and just made it hard for us to see him because he saw it as a career opportunity to come back in a better role. He is still stuck there 10 years later and is now realizing we've all grown up and are doing our lives pretty much without him because he never was there, we barely chatted about anything, and the only thing he appears to care about is our work although I feel that now he is getting old and would want to be able to spend more time with us, yet is is too late. So be wise about yourself before you think about your partner.

 
  • Analyst 1 in 
May 26, 2020 - 6:01am

I grew up in a power couple household where both parents are doctors. My mother was a doctor and I grew up during her residency. My dad is slightly older and finished his when I was a baby. It was brutal I never saw her. I didn’t develop any sort of relationship with my parents until my teens and even then it wasn’t great. My mother worked full time in my teens with a 7 days on 7 days off schedule. She would be so exhausted from working she would spend her 7 days off sleeping or ignoring her kids. It’s great to have an extra income but money can’t buy a childhood. When your child is five they won’t understand that their parents missed their 1st grade play to save lives. They understand you missed their 1st grade play. I didn’t even get to participate in sports or any extracurriculars because no one could pick me up. Also another issue with these power couples is fertility. A lot of high achieving women have trouble getting pregnant after putting it off. Dealing with infertility is hard and very emotional and can come between the strongest of marriages. It’s something to think long and hard about. Maybe there’s a few couples who can make it work, but that requires a very special set of people who are willing to compromise and put the kids first.

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May 26, 2020 - 2:36pm

It seems your mother was an Emergency Medicine doctor. Do you think she got burnt out / is burnt out by the field?

What about your dad? What type of doctor is he and why didn't he fulfill that role of your mom while she was on that 7 day on schedule?

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.
 
May 26, 2020 - 6:03am

I am in my early 20s. So, I don't have an experienced opinion on this. I saw my dad work in a government job all his life. He would often get transferred to cities that were days apart from our house. Yes, we missed him as we were growing up. But being the eldest child, I learnt quite a lot about being a caretaker. My mom and I did our best to take care of our family. And I have an awesome mom by all means. I guess, more than the children, it's about the partner. I have seen her feel alone in her marriage years, while she still has been a spectacular mom. Sometimes I feel like I did lose something because of his absence, but then I look at mom and feel like my losses are nothing against hers. That is both empowering and saddening.

So, drawing on that conclusion - I don't care whether my wife has her own career or wants to stay home. That's her choice. I want her to be really happy with what she does. As far as she and I have a happy relationship, I believe we will be able to take care of our children, if we decide on having them. I am thinking about quality vs quantity of time spent with your family. If my wife and I are happy, we will be able to build a happy family. No matter how perfectly you plan things out, you will fuck up. Better to be happy while you did all of that.

Prof Scott Galloway had a very good take on this. He had an ongoing marriage and had just come out of the dot com bust, having lost a lot. His then marriage did not work out. He got remarried and other things happened. He has sold quite a few businesses, is doing great as a professor and has a voice. But he feels most in his element, when he is able to provide for his family.

So, my goals are to keep my partner as happy as she wants to be and to provide for my family.
Her presence or absence at home is ancillary.

 
  • Business School in Other
May 26, 2020 - 6:55am

My parents owned multiple small businesses together. They are worth 6-7 million. Did well overall, and currently make 400k-500k through a combination of investments and their current businesses. Neither of my parents have worked more than 50 hours a week in their lives and had really flexible schedules. Some years mom worked harder than dad and vice versa. Have had a great relationship with them.

I have quite a few friends from my ivy league undergrad who's parents are the typical dual income power couple in professional careers (dual income lawyers, doctors, etc.). Household income ranging from 1 mill - 2 mill. Hate to say it, but these guys really resent their families and were sent to a boarding school at an early age/raised by nannies/never really saw their parents growing up. Lot of them have really messed up psychological issues (narcissism, depression, etc.) I guess they'll inherit several more million than me, but really at what cost?

I think the power couple worked in my parents scenario, but outside of small business/self employment context, it's very tough. High prestige white collar professions are very demanding.

There's a great book out there by Ken Fisher. One of his key tenets to great success is having a household where there is one parent working very hard to achieve something great, whereas the other parent is supporting and raising the family. Hoping to go down this route or my parents route. Don't think the power couple move is worth it for the marginally better lifestyle.

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May 26, 2020 - 11:04am

The assumption here appears to be that it’s one or the either - a loving housewife or a ruthless career woman. I know plenty of shitty housewives and plenty of warm execs, one of my higher ups being one of them (wow, yes, I respect women. Who woulda thunk)

The world is unlike that of our mothers and work-life balance, especially for working moms, is a thing nowadays. My aunt was on the BigLaw track until she had my cousins and has been of counsel at her firm, so still making good money while working standard hours. Her kids turned out better than any of us, no one was mailed off to boarding school, her daughter is a great human being and just got into a T10 law school

You don’t have to marry a robotic MD, just marry someone kind and smart and hard-working. I want a partner, not someone who is waiting around for someone to pick up where their dad left off. I also don’t want my kids being raised by a girl who couldn’t make the effort to develop her own mind and career, as it’s indicative of her having waited for someone to come and take care of her eventually. For the tenth time, fuuuuck that

If you think you can find a girl who is both smart and cool with staying at home, good luck. Most intelligent girls worth their salt won’t be cool with that intelligence going to waste and won’t be satisfied being just a housewife. “She can work on nonprofit boards” yup those boards are elitist as fuck and you bet they want a certain type of person (read: pedigreed) working on them. I’m also watching some of my buddies fight with their wives about schooling and how they should raise their kids and it is fucking exhausting hearing about their illogical arguments, the types of arguments that the “power couples” would never have

Maybe it’s because it’s time for me to settle down but I think about these things a lot and there are a lot of factors that won’t even cross your intern minds until you get some experience

 
  • Business School in Other
May 26, 2020 - 1:24pm

I agree with you here. When I think of a power couple, I think of two adults fighting to be the best in their field, working consistently 60-70+ a week.

A set up like this is unsustainable.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
May 26, 2020 - 8:30am

I was the product of two working parents and intend to marry a career oriented woman. I feel that while I may have slightly missed out on some emotional growth having a parent around 24/7, what I learned in work ethic more than made up for it. I think it’s important to take years off early on, but am just naturally attracted to motivated and driven individuals

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May 26, 2020 - 11:48am

In my opinion, I prefer a wife that is about my children. Period. It's that simple. The mother of my children needs to care about her children more than her career, and this stipulates putting time into nurturing our children. Now, this doesn't exclude all women that work.

The ideal partner for me is a woman who works ~40 hours a week and supplements my income but prioritizes raising my children. Luckily, I have this.

On the flip side, I am under more pressure to "upgrade" our lifestyle than if I were with a career woman (?) because my income is what will improve our standing in life.

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May 26, 2020 - 11:52am

Both of my parents worked very hard throughout my childhood but I never felt neglected because my dad (doctor) would make time to go to my soccer games on the weekends and my mother (teacher and then head of school) was always there trying to get us dinner and I could see how busy she was.

I think it's more about the quality of the time spent with your kids rather than the sheer quantity. When you are with your kids, are you truly present or are you dreading it and looking at your phone half the time? Are you plugged into how your kids are doing from a developmental perspective across many different aspects? physically, emotionally and spiritually? do they know you love them? do they feel safe and seen?

As a parent now of 3 young kids (4,2 and 1) and a pretty lucky setup of a wife that has a good schedule (3 long days per week and I work 4.5 days/week from home) -- we still need help right now to be able to have the energy to give our kids our best. Could we make it work without a nanny (yes), but I can tell you that it would be much much more stressful and my work (on WSO) would suffer.

I truly respect anyone that can stay home with the kids and make that their full time job. I couldn't do it because I think it's too lonely until the kids reach a certain age. I am, however, very much looking forward to the ages 5-10...my oldest daughter is already such an interesting personality (not easy) and I hope that with proper guidance she can become a kind, generous person.

So that was a long winded way of saying you can have 2 working parents but I think what is important is either 1) a flex schedule for 1 or 2 parents 2) one person dedicated to them or 3) parents that are truly present when they are getting that time.

Oh, and do family dinners :-)

 
May 26, 2020 - 12:09pm

I'd say that power couples who get it right are the ones who get efficient at turning the relatively short amounts of time into quality time. Eventually, as kids grow up, the dream is that they, too, participate in turning this limited amount of time into something valuable.

 
May 26, 2020 - 12:42pm

WallStreetOasis.com:

I think it's more about the quality of the time spent with your kids rather than the sheer quantity.

I think that's what is often missing in these discussions. Sure, technically you spend time with your child when you are in the same room together. But that isn't enough. My mom (single parent) worked part-time and was home more than other parents. She wouldn't play with us or talk to us much. To me, having lunch and dinner without a conversation were normal. Talking to her sometimes was like talking to a wall.

These days I see the same when on public transport or at restaurants. Children trying to talk to their parents who keep their eyes glued to the phone. Of course, I don't know what happens at their home. But I'm guessing these parents believe (like my mom did) they are doing something good for the children by working less and spending more time at home. I believe you have to be in it with your heart and not just clock in the hours.

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May 27, 2020 - 2:55pm

honestly this drives me crazy and it's really sad seeing how addicting phones/tablets are and how much screen time young kids get even when there are countless studies showing its definitely not good for them...

it's hard when you're exhausted to engage sometimes, but I think being in tune with your kids and giving them attention when you're there is a huge gift that pays dividends later (or so I hope!)

 
  • Business School in Other
May 26, 2020 - 1:15pm

Children of first generation immigrants at exeter/andover were pretty unhappy about their childhoods. It was usually both parents working crazy hours to afford spending 70k a year to send their kids there.

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May 26, 2020 - 6:39pm

OMG, P...just you wait, Mr. Family Dinner...you had them close together ...you're going to need another driver pretty soon...ballet at 4:30...t-ball at 5....karate at 6...all getting out within 30 minutes of each other...in different towns...LOL!
Joking around, it will all work out - but it will get more complicated, like, in the fall.
She'll grow out of it - take lots of video for her Sweet 16 montage.

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
May 26, 2020 - 12:07pm

Power couples could only work if you exhibit true power. Like watching over your kid during the day even if you need to do it while you work for at least 6 hours. Having the schedule to put them to bed yourself, drop them off and pick them up from their activities/school.

If you are a "power couple" because you work a lot and very hard, which prevents you from being a family couple, then it isn't real power. I would not want to know that my wife and me are both too busy to look after our kids and take personal interest in it because we have to commit too many hours collectively to our careers. That sort of in-between power isn't worth it in my opinion.

 
  • Analyst 2 in Consulting
May 26, 2020 - 12:29pm

Both my parents are PhD; my dad is a CEO of a small-sized company and I rarely got to see him throughout the childhood. He didn't even come home late - normally by 6-7PM, so I had roughly 1 hour every day to see him during dinner. After dinner, he normally stayed in his room (he also slept early, like 9-10PM and woke up at 4-5AM) and I didn't see him again until the dinner of next day. He usually spent the whole weekend playing golf, biking, training at the gym etc. As a result, we never talked much as I was growing up. I'm in my mid 20s now and still find it hard to talk to him, as though he is a stranger. That said, he was the bread winner of the family, and without him, I wouldn't be able to afford expensive tuition fees.

Fortunately, my mom works as a professor and she lectures roughly 3x a week. She also declined the offer to become a dean (which would come with greater responsibilities). She was at home almost all the time, and paid close attention to me and my sister. I still remember the days where she accompanied me to tuition centers (I was in the math olympiad team of middle school so I had 6-9 extra evening classes every week), waited until I finished the class then rode me home. Without her care I think both I and my sister would have become average students.

In my view, it is okay for one of the parents to be a bread winner of the family, but the other (it doesn't matter if mom or dad) must be there to support the growth of the children. My fiancee is luckily just like my mom; she wants a decent career for herself (she works in tech/designing) but is not overly ambitious, and understands the necessity to spend time with our future children. As for me, I aspire to work in IB for a few years as an associate before taking a large pay cut to work in some 40-50h cushy job and be there to support my kids.

 
May 26, 2020 - 12:46pm

Is it possible to save enough money before the age of 40 to live off of? Thinking $5mm with 5% returns nets pre-tax $250k/yr. @ a 5% return. Given freedom of time, wouldn’t it be safe to assume you can scrape together another $50-100k in various one-off roles throughout the year? Wondering what other people’s thoughts are...

 
  • Business School in Other
May 26, 2020 - 1:10pm

Inflation is the issue. Tuition rises 4 percent a year for example.

Real Estate was one way to hedge against inflation, though real estate as an asset class will take a huge hit in the post COVID world.

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May 26, 2020 - 1:10pm

I listened to Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast (Dave Konecher epsiode) the other day and he made a good point that I want to share. Basically, he said think about your life in reverse, then go from there; meaning, he was has younger aged kids (single digits, son and daughter) and he was thinking about how he wanted to give a good speech at his daughters wedding and have good stories at his son's bachelor party.

Basically, he didn't say this but this is what he means, there's different ways to parent, but you want to make sure you're there for the important parts (quality vs quantity as said above). Theres thinks you'll want to see that your kids wouldn't remember, and vise versa. For example, your kid woudn't remember if you where there for their first steps, but you will.

Ill give you an example. My brother's FIL was a partner at PWC, worked a lot, but didnt' really have quality time with his kids (has 3 kids). Didn't go to his sons bachelor party, didn't go to my brother's bachelor party, gave a speech at his wedding that was basically his daughter's resume. It all depends who you want to be.

On being a "power couple",, being a parent is a job, maybe not the hardest job (S/O Oprah), but a difficult job. If you marry someone who takes care of your kids but doesn't want to work, how much will they work for your kids?

 
Jun 2, 2020 - 5:01pm

ironman32:

On being a "power couple",, being a parent is a job, maybe not the hardest job (S/O Oprah), but a difficult job. If you marry someone who takes care of your kids but doesn't want to work, how much will they work for your kids?

Completely disagree. N=1 but my mom didn't work and instead raised myself and my siblings and worked her ass of every single day to raise us.

Edit: guess not working and not wanting to work are slightly different things but I still disagree :)

 
May 26, 2020 - 1:56pm

What some of you guys call "power couples" I just call "needing two incomes to survive." That's the reality for the bottom 90% in today's society in any HCOL/VHCOL city. Realize most of this forum is college students fantasizing about making $1mm and having a SAH trophy wife, but wow when reality hits about how expensive it is to do simple things like
* Buy and own a house
* Send a kid to school
* Health insurance and medical care
* Retirement savings

... having a second working parent is not optional.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
 
May 26, 2020 - 5:31pm

I seriously want to know the age of everyone in this thread who’s going on about a stay at home wife

We don’t live in our parents’ times. The houses that our parents bought for $500k now cost $2 mil. Lunch used to cost $3 and now costs $12. The stakes are higher and inflation is only going to bump it up even more. You’re not going to get by on $200k, maybe not even $400k, anymore, at least not in a HCOL area. Just the mortgage, tax, and HOA alone on a decent place big enough for a family will be more than double your take home as an analyst. And that’s just the cost for a roof over your heads

And don’t give me shit about standards of living because if you’re on this site, chances are that you aren’t interested in enrobing your kids in Walmart and feeding them from the Costco food court

 
May 26, 2020 - 6:18pm

I think there's some middle ground tho, between $2MM/$500K p.a. and Walmart/Costco (which honestly many a well-to-do family love). Even in fancy areas with good schools, there are plenty options. In Manhattan and Palo Alto, maybe no, but suburbs...yeah.
Women quite often stay at home for just a period of time, not forever. Even my fanciest stay-at-home-momish friends, many work at least part time. Maybe for husband's business, some have gone from corporate to interior design (and are talented and busy!). They wing it and they are happy. Some are literally full time as unpaid volunteers! God forbid if you're PTO Prezzie at a private school, expect to work until 1am frequently (not exaggerating).
It really runs the gamut and it's amazing what you can make work. The picture changes a lot with each change of life. I think the point is - you figure it out.

Happy Wife, Happy Life should be the Golden Rule after Do Unto Others...
If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy. Truth.

 
May 31, 2020 - 6:00am

KREBSCYCLEOMG:

feeding them from the Costco food court

Dude, you had me until this part. Costco foodcourt is fucking bomb. Chicken Bakes are delicious, their pizzas are super consistent, and the hotdog/soda combo has been $1.50 for like 40 years - if I could reliably use it to hedge inflation, I totally would.

“Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do”
 
  • VP in S&T - FI
May 29, 2020 - 12:30am

Great points, prices are going up in certain sectors (housing, education, healthcare) that are outpacing increases in wages.

Finance is by nature a very volatile profession and for most of us are going to get laid off at some point and we may never be able to get back to that level again. Seats at the higher levels have a lot of vol in income and don't just grow on trees. This is just another reason why a 2nd income is so important (Tip- Marry a nurse or PA, flexible schedule, make pretty good money and those jobs are always in demand). Just b/c you are making 1MM a year today does not mean its going to happen forever.

With the rise of technology and remote work I think you are going to see way more people who would have stayed at home in the past now working part time or even full time. Personally I think its healthy for both parents to work as it adult interaction is healthy and gives you a break from being in "kid mode" all the time. It also gives the kids a good example that both of you "Need" to work to provide them with a certain lifestyle.

 
May 29, 2020 - 2:03am

Couldn't agree more on all counts. The volatility in job status as well as comp is an ever-present concern in all economic environments.

The rise in "side hustles" may partially transition into the rise of "WFH part time jobs" as the nature of work becomes more digital and more flexible.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
 
May 26, 2020 - 2:31pm

Power couple to me has nothing to do with careers. A working father and stay at home mom raising awesome children is a power couple in my eyes just as much as two super career focused people could be a power couple.

Gun rights activist
 
May 26, 2020 - 2:42pm

Yes, you have gotten to the core of this thread. A power couple doesn't have to be seen as the perfect couple that has it all. They can be the dual income HH making $200K with two kids where they love their jobs and their kids love them. Happiness does not equal money, friends.

Will update my computer soon and leave Incognito so I will disappear forever. How did I achieve Neanderthal by trolling? Some people are after me so need to close account for safety.
 
May 26, 2020 - 5:53pm

I know this is for boys, but I think this is valuable. I mean all this in a very positive way.

You know the biblical story of Jacob, who intended to marry Rachel, ended up with Leah and had to work another 7 years to get Rachel as his 2nd wife?
There’s another level to this story.

The woman you marry is not always the woman you have in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years – people change, circumstances and difficult times change people. What a woman thinks she wants at 30 can be very different at 45. And by then there are kids, real estate, extended families, friends, a whole life together. Yes, yes, men change too – but for the moment we are talking about your wife.

I’ve seen enough divorces to tell you, that the picture of “what you want” in a wife, what you want your life to look like, is not dealing with the reality of another human. Who will go through ups and downs, and women tend to be more emotional. That’s the more challenging side of being great nurturers. Weddings, babies, job losses, illness, loss – it really can change people. Some marriages survive, others don’t.

You have to have a very flexible mindset. What someone does is maybe not the goal. Someone who you are compatible with, who you respect and adore is the goal. Most values match, etc. Careers and what someone is doing can be vastly different 10+ years down the line. I’ve seen female doctors with solo practices flat out quit with the first kid and never go back. Was the husband thinking he’s marrying a doctor for life? Well, hell yeah! The first kid showed and she never wanted the stress of worrying about patients again. Do I know a husband who’s career kinda floundered, and his stay-at-home wife’s catering business took off, and he and the kids now help her? That too. Have I seen picture-perfect richy rich mega-mansion fancy cars the works etc marriages totally die sending a very lovely, stay-at-home-haven't-worked-in-decade + wife to a little condo where she must take a full or part time job and still worries, and the kids are shuttled back and forth? YES. A lot. And the wife who doesn’t work – I am sorry – she is at a HUGE risk. Bless you guys who say “I want a non-working wife” etc. but if you change your mind, she is SHIT OUTTA LUCK. SHIT OUTTA LUCK. I have many friends who have really hit horrific times being thrust into single mom (or worse! Widow! Yes, sometimes even relatively young guys die!) mode having given up a career and job for years and they are desperate. Desperate. You think it won’t happen, but it does. Nightmares. Sometimes these rich guys don’t believe in life insurance, and leave families with NOTHING. I just heard another shocking, sad story a few weeks ago that I am still not over. Women really take a mega-risk having no career - in a couple years the kids are in school anyhow, and you don't want your wife on FB all day, telling you nonsense gossip when you get home.

So these examples above run the gamut like people and marriages run the gamut. I know tons of busy families with commuting parents working long hours – the kids are FINE. Once you’re a little more senior, someone has enough flexibility, or there are wonderful babysitters, or grandparents, to help.

The point is – it works out if the marriage is strong (and flexible!). Change is inevitable – pick someone you love, whose happiness makes you happy, and you can make anything work together.

 
  • Intern in S&T - FI
May 27, 2020 - 12:43am

I just need to say . You are good. Where do you take these. I spit out my coffee when I saw this meme

Array
 
May 27, 2020 - 11:15am

Agreed with your points.

Also have to realize that people get married for a vast amount of reasons. Some have a loving relationship, some just want to have kids, some don't want to be the "single" person in their group/family, some just want a trophy husband/wife.

To your point of running the gamut, some people (prob a lot) just focus on the here and now. I'll give you an example. I have a friend, does pretty well financially, has two kids, his wife doesn't work, didn't really have a career before they got married. They both appear to want to look like "that couple", posting IG pics, look at us, we're a perfect family. However, he cheats on her (he was dating someone else pretty serious before they met). He's the kind of guy who wants to be Don Draper. Do I think their marriage will last, idk? Theres a lot to weather. Will it end well--idk?

What I'm saying from this example is, marriage is tough enough, having kids is tough enough, trying to make it picture perfect for others to look at on IG is unrealistic. But maybe that's what they want. Maybe when my friend is older and the kids are raised and his wife isn't as attractive he'll "trade her in", happens a lot.

 
May 27, 2020 - 11:54am

Shaynepunim:

I know this is for boys, but I think this is valuable. I mean all this in a very positive way.

You know the biblical story of Jacob, who intended to marry Rachel, ended up with Leah and had to work another 7 years to get Rachel as his 2nd wife?
There’s another level to this story.

The woman you marry is not always the woman you have in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years – people change, circumstances and difficult times change people. What a woman thinks she wants at 30 can be very different at 45. And by then there are kids, real estate, extended families, friends, a whole life together. Yes, yes, men change too – but for the moment we are talking about your wife.

I’ve seen enough divorces to tell you, that the picture of “what you want” in a wife, what you want your life to look like, is not dealing with the reality of another human. Who will go through ups and downs, and women tend to be more emotional. That’s the more challenging side of being great nurturers. Weddings, babies, job losses, illness, loss – it really can change people. Some marriages survive, others don’t.

You have to have a very flexible mindset. What someone does is maybe not the goal. Someone who you are compatible with, who you respect and adore is the goal. Most values match, etc. Careers and what someone is doing can be vastly different 10+ years down the line. I’ve seen female doctors with solo practices flat out quit with the first kid and never go back. Was the husband thinking he’s marrying a doctor for life? Well, hell yeah! The first kid showed and she never wanted the stress of worrying about patients again. Do I know a husband who’s career kinda floundered, and his stay-at-home wife’s catering business took off, and he and the kids now help her? That too. Have I seen picture-perfect richy rich mega-mansion fancy cars the works etc marriages totally die sending a very lovely, stay-at-home-haven't-worked-in-decade + wife to a little condo where she must take a full or part time job and still worries, and the kids are shuttled back and forth? YES. A lot. And the wife who doesn’t work – I am sorry – she is at a HUGE risk. Bless you guys who say “I want a non-working wife” etc. but if you change your mind, she is SHIT OUTTA LUCK. SHIT OUTTA LUCK. I have many friends who have really hit horrific times being thrust into single mom (or worse! Widow! Yes, sometimes even relatively young guys die!) mode having given up a career and job for years and they are desperate. Desperate. You think it won’t happen, but it does. Nightmares. Sometimes these rich guys don’t believe in life insurance, and leave families with NOTHING. I just heard another shocking, sad story a few weeks ago that I am still not over. Women really take a mega-risk having no career - in a couple years the kids are in school anyhow, and you don't want your wife on FB all day, telling you nonsense gossip when you get home.

So these examples above run the gamut like people and marriages run the gamut. I know tons of busy families with commuting parents working long hours – the kids are FINE. Once you’re a little more senior, someone has enough flexibility, or there are wonderful babysitters, or grandparents, to help.

The point is – it works out if the marriage is strong (and flexible!). Change is inevitable – pick someone you love, whose happiness makes you happy, and you can make anything work together.

This is awesome. SB

I used to do Asia-Pacific PE (kind of like FoF). Now I do something else but happy to try and answer questions on that stuff.
 
May 26, 2020 - 11:07pm

No to power couple. I definitely want to get married to a woman who has a career (and by this I don't mean Walmart sales clerk, but an actual profession w/ good growth in skillets). Could be nurse, teacher, professor, engineer, etc., totally fine with that. Even doctor is fine as long as it's not something requiring absurd hours (within ~50hrs/week). After we get married, totally fine if she wants to keep continuing or if she wants to stay-at-home for the kids. Ultimately, caring enough about a career for some time I think is just a goof marker of someone who is capable of making their own way.

Reason I don't want a wife who is as focused as I am on my career is twofold. First of all, if you're job is something that may require moving to move up the career ladder in a big way (bayside investing, F500, etc.), it is super hard to convince your partner who is just as ambitious to make the same move when it could detrimentally affect their career. But if your wife has a career that she cares about but can typically move without issue (let's say a teacher or nurse for instance - can work at whatever high school or hospital is nearby, it's a bit more fungible), then you can make some of those big career moves.

The other reason is that I'd like to have kids one day and I want them to never feel like they were neglected. If my wife was a stay at home mom, that would be a great way to have a relationship with the kids and I don't foresee myself working 55+hr weeks on a consistent basis ever in LO AM. If she worked at a 40hr week job, then great, we also both can trade off times and still manage to have a relationship with the kids. But if she was working 55+hrs or something extreme like 70+hrs (big law, IB, etc), that would be both crappy to my kids and myself. To me, that is just unnecessary tension to have in a relationship.

It can totally be other way around as well, with the guy staying home and the wife working (or guy with less ambitious career). But ultimately, I think it best if one person decides to either a) make the tradeoff and stay at home or b) just having chose a less intense career track (which is by no means a sacrifice as you're presumably marrying someone in their late 20s / early 30s who's got a decent handle on what they want to do for the next few decades. Plans can change, but that late in life, your wife (or you if it's the other way around) isn't becoming a lawyer or surgeon or going into IB.

I'd just say, don't try to have the perfect setup thinking your wife MUST stay at home or MUST work (as another post brought up people do change - if your wife decides to stay home with the kids despite you counting on that extra salary, don't be resentful, just accept that as a possibility). Be flexible on that, why is why I'm fine with either as long as if it's work, it's not intense from an hourly standpoint / something that prevents relocating if needed (which you should also probably think about limiting by middle age). And don't count on your wife being the only one who spends time with the kids, that's going to mess your kid up not matter who much money you bring in. It's a two way street, ok if you / your wife spend 40 / 60 split with the kids, but NOT ok if it's 10 / 90.

Please pardon typos

 
May 27, 2020 - 5:57am

I'd want someone with a similar capacity to me- someone as kind, caring, loving, emotionally mature as I am and hopefully more if I am that much more financially well off. Emotional part is more important than their financial situation, because I think this same type of woman would do well in her career (delayed graduation, working hard, etc) even if it is not as lucrative as ours. She could even be a salesperson, etc. and be doing very well in real estate, etc. Logically, you only need a few million to retire comfortably with enough passive income. Only one person is needed to get there if they are ambitious and working in our kinds of fields. However, it is extremely important to have a second income to improve quality of life and expenses if you want to buy things that are excessive.

I've been around some girls who are really driven (even in college, those who weren't really smart but went for IB roles) who were also extremely attractive and they were a bit crazy tbh (because they were awesome but around these topics like grades/recruiting turned into psycho's). I don't want that yin-yang. If I ask myself would a marriage work out with them, probably not because they have all these weird ideas about being oppressed, NEEDing control over their lives, while resenting idea of women playing certain roles. When it comes down to caring and nurturing for a family, will they SIMPLY accept taking care of the kid willy knilly because they feel they are giving up so much control? THAT is the core issue of dating a woman like that. So many things that they have chose (working hard over being just another pretty girl etc) over their entire life that they would resent even a little bit giving all of that up is not great. Just because they are attractive and financially well off does not mean they are emotionally mature or bitter about random things and used to getting their way / people agreeing with them. How do they handle the disagreement?

So it comes down to CAPACITY. How much depth does the person have to make these difficult decisions, give up on certain things, accept that she needs to sacrifice to have kids? Or if getting a nanny, understanding how much conflict and resolution in our lives as husb/wife affect the kids? It's a lot, but emotional maturity is rare and if as a man I can have this capacity I want it in my life. Don't want a bimbo who buys Louis Vuitton. Want someone who thinks about retirement first and using extra income only to sustain "excessive lifestyle". Someone who can make it for the long haul, etc. The priblem is these things are hard to know and "testing" people sounds weird to me other than asking them about what they value- capacity is untested in principle. Thoguhts?

 
May 27, 2020 - 4:30pm

NotSarcastic:

they have all these weird ideas about being oppressed, NEEDing control over their lives, while resenting idea of women playing certain roles. When it comes down to caring and nurturing for a family, will they SIMPLY accept taking care of the kid willy knilly because they feel they are giving up so much control? THAT is the core issue of dating a woman like that. So many things that they have chose (working hard over being just another pretty girl etc) over their entire life that they would resent even a little bit giving all of that up is not great.

Lol read what you just wrote

By your reasoning, someone like Amal Clooney or Michelle Obama or @Shaynepunim would be a terrible mother while someone who is not ambitious and has no experience with developing herself will somehow be an amazing partner in raising impressionable human beings

Give me the bitter feminist hags any day of the week. My ego is healthy enough to handle it

 
May 28, 2020 - 10:03pm

I'll be honest - as someone who hopes to be a stay-at-home mom sometime in the future, I think it's a bit of a stretch to claim that women who are willing to prioritize their family as basically being incapable of raising children.

I really dislike that people think its acceptable to denigrate and insult housewives - I think it's a sign that they've drunk the Cool-aid of radical feminism that paints the false picture of stay-at-home wives as stupid, "oppressed", and useless. Many of my friends had stay-at-home-mothers who had Masters degrees but chose to raise their children. Even so, just because someone doesn't have a degree doesn't mean that they can't raise their kids with common sense and good morals.

I seriously can't tell if you're joking when you say that you'd rather have a bitter feminist hag - I really hope you are.

(sorry if I seemed a bit upset - I just get tired when people have this attitude that housewives are stupid, useless things and kind of chose your comment to let out what I've been thinking for a while)

 
May 30, 2020 - 7:26am

dude you are just stupid there is no way around that. as in literally incapable and incompetent of proper comprehension. what kind of logic are you even using.

I'm painting a specific picture of people who are at their core very insecure and incredibly toxic when it comes to these conversations and legitimately show a lot of anger and angst when this kind of stuff even comes up. Not only that, you are clueless because M Obama, etc. are amazing mothers who absolutely sacrificed part of their careers (dude what planet are you on) without being crazy and RELENTED control. Michelle was a "regular" high level careerwoman not a rocket scientist or money/prestige chaser either, but are you assuming that Amal is a control freak who doesn't have reason or logic? I'm saying that for the type of people I'm talking about, who are control freaks and successful at work but horrible in emotional maturity, are people with character traits not good for parenting which is obvious... people who are successful and have poor character traits don't make good parents either. You want a narcissist, verbal abuser who gets results at work but is a shitty person? (Literally just regurgitating your logic, because obviously not). None of these things are absolutes either, because things have potential to work out and people change. For most situations, as in 3-4 SD's, you want to filter people who are unable to sacrifice or make change because they simply don't have the same priorities as I do (and as many women have issues with men chasing career). Obvious, and I'm entitled to my preference.

So OK Mr. Ego here's something you haven't considered because you're stupid. Assume the best of other's arguments and "defeating" them is a display of mental strength and lack of ego. Instead you're staying stupid shit that no one would fairly believe and are getting off to yourself with your EGO, showing off a lack of ego by trying to debunk some straw man. Need reality check much? Don't go around assuming you're a genius and humble, bro!

Of course I know you're smart and accomplished (probably) and have no problem assuming so but don't go around signalling things that are obviously not true. I wish you all the best and hope you don't take offense to the mean words. They were there to trigger and anger your lack of Ego because I thought it'd be funny for you to see your own reaction to those words/ insults and maybe make you reflect a little bit. Anyway, we're both entitled to our opinions and preferences. I'm sure you somewhat believe careerwomen are intrinsically more capable of those at home (which I would objectively agree with because logic) but you will soon realize emotional character and compromise is more important in making relationships healthy and work well. Not someone who cares more about their career than their family (which you may not like me assuming, however that is what you are saying actually) because I'm talking about taking a step back and doing things necessary. The same women you speak about would probably have better home and family life if they took time off to take care of the ids, but that's simply what they don't want which is OK. Those same women aren't any less intelligent the "second" they take time off, which is another awkward point in what you're saying. Anyway I'm typing too much now.

 
May 27, 2020 - 8:12am

A female perspective:

I was raised by a stay at home mother and a father who was never home. I have a really strong memory regarding past events and I can recall a lot of moments from my childhood. I have very few memories of my father spending time with me. I ended up having a very strong bond with my mother while in a sense I do not perceive my father as a parent. There have been times in my life when I really felt like I hate him

Having said that, I would never sacrifice my career for the family. And since I know how it feels to grow up without the care of a family member I'd rather choose not to have children.

Wl
 
May 28, 2020 - 11:31pm

I'll throw my two cents into this long ass thread as a female perspective

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I dont think there is a strong correlation with personality and career. I know some dickheads in finance, and also the sweetest people I've ever met. Everyone is ambitious and reasonably smart, but beyond that, I think the people I've met all had a wide range of personalities and personal goals.

In terms of my family, my family was working class (mom was a nurse and dad was in manufacturing) and we went through some financial struggles when I was really young. Thus, it was really important for me to set myself up in a stable and well paying career. My mother also stayed at home when raising me, and although her and I aren't too close now, that's definitely something that I want to have with my kids.

Thus, I'm more than willing to take a back seat and stay at home with the kids when time comes. I think a career is important, and I like the security that money brings, but I think raising kids that are well rounded and ambitious can be a better retirement plan than working 80+ hours :)

Plus, judging by the exodus of women on wall street/finance, this is quite a popular opinion.

Array
 
May 30, 2020 - 7:46am

Yeah exactly. However, for entering women in the work force they have different views that they are seemingly unwilling to let go or compromise. I think when they grow up a little they will have different wants and needs and adjust, because compromise and sacrifice are principally important for relationships. E.g. you need to work on them if you want them to do well.

My thoughts were that you need to filter for people who are super "stuck in their ways" because it's not a good sign for a relationship to not have compromise. In my opinion the same girls who are annoyingly the way they are may make for the best mothers if they did change their mind or do want to start a family (e.g. very dedicated). People are way too different to lump together for sure though.

 
  • Analyst 1 in PE - Other
May 29, 2020 - 2:06pm

Depends. Power couples are great when you're in your 20's and you can do the whole DINK (double income no kids) lifestyle, but can be hard to keep up once you start having kids depending on what careers you're in. I think you can make it work though as long as you're both open-minded and flexible with how you raise your kids. Overall, I'd rather be with an ambitious partner who aggressively goes after their career than someone who has no ambitions whatsoever and leeches off of other people for support. And I definitely wouldn't want a leech raising my kids. Would much rather have a nanny helping take care of some of the parenting responsibilities than have my kids raised solely by and whose primary interactions are with some lazy, unmotivated person who hasn't done anything meaningful with their life but can appear successful because of association with their spouse. Reminds me way to much of that one Jamie Dimon letter to Ms. Pretty. No thank you

 
May 29, 2020 - 3:58pm

Very true. Also need to think about shit like retirement - a wife who works can add almost $10 mil to your JOINT retirement fund from passive 401k and IRA contributions alone if she was smart about it from the get go. And if she’s extra smart, she has even more in her brokerage account or other investments

I’ve dated girls nearing 30 who thought 401ks were merely optional and rarely used, like the premium tier of your dental insurance.

 
May 29, 2020 - 3:09pm

Girlfriend of 4+ years works in Major League Baseball (on the baseball side - think Player Development/Baseball Ops). Her career is super demanding: 70-90 hr weeks, constant travel, spring training in Florida for two months. I work for a commercial bank, typically work 50-60 with some more hectic weeks. I would say compared to the average citizen our careers are both very demanding, especially hers. Obviously not at the level of say a first year IB analyst but it's a lot. Despite this and the pains of being apart during the year we're both doing what we love and feel rewarded by our careers. I actually prefer that my girlfriend works in this capacity because she understands what it's like when I have to stay at the office late etc. and has ambition as an individual. This viewpoint change after we get married/have kids but for the near future we both plan on putting our careers first. For context: my parents both were civil servants in NYC and worked their asses off throughout my whole childhood (still do), and I turned out okay.

 
Jun 9, 2020 - 1:13pm

Apologies for the late response - was on a bit of coronacation. Her dad was actually a coach at various levels through her childhood (college head coach all the way up to MLB hitting staff). She grew up in a clubhouse and knew going into school exactly what she wanted to do, which is a rare advantage. Her path was pretty similar to most IB kids tbh.. Networked her ass off, got an interview through a connection of a connection at the winter meetings, crushed it and got a return after her first summer.

 
May 31, 2020 - 12:02am

Just wondering - is it possible to live in the suburbs working a "power couple" level job in NYC?

Array
 
May 31, 2020 - 4:22am

I’ve refrained from adding my thoughts since my mom died when I was 5 years old so I missed out on some of that power couple dynamic history that many of you shared (and I appreciate). Maybe I can add something here regarding parenting and family.

I think of a power couple partially about money but also about playing their own game, particularly among our friendship circle.

My wife and I have been together the longest, we’re the first to get married, one of the first to have kids, and buy a house. Relationship wise we are secure about ourselves. Didn’t really cling to each other at the clubs, we’d be in the same venue but drinking with our friends. My wife has been on two Europe trips without me the past 3 years (with a girl friend) and I said just go, I’m too busy and I’ll watch the kids while you’re gone.

I’m unique with kids because I took care of my elderly dad (even changed his Depends in the handicapped bathroom stall when I’d take him out to a restaurant or mall - could you imagine two dudes talking in a stall, that’s me and my dad : ), so I have a ton of patience. Since my wife works on Saturday’s, I get both kids alone all day. I love it because I get to plan out whatever I want to do that day. Most of my guy friends who are dads are very dependent on their wives to take care of kids (or their perfect weekend is 8 hours at the golf course and drinking). Through life experience and personality it’s helped me to take on having the kids alone responsibility easier.

Regarding job, a power couple is doing what they are really good at doing. In the high cost of living place like San Francisco, both probably need to work in order to be comfortable. If lucky, one spouse’s income pays for living expenses, housing and child care, and the other spouse’s income pays for vacations and savings.

My wife’s income saved us when I was unemployed (twice). I’m saving us while her business is shut down due to COVID. Super helpful to have a working spouse because I especially work in a volatile industry and the air gets thinner and thinner up the ladder. We’ve had our ups and downs and usually because of lack of money (my ability to provide at some points in my career).

It’s usually this way but even more with stay in place due to the virus. But I see my 5 year old daughter blush or smile when I kiss my wife and show affection. I hope the take away for her is her belief in a loving family and finding a partner who respects you.

Where we are different is our individual abilities to handle stress and uncertainty. We are both optimists but I’m more. I noticed when she was working for other people, I’d get an ear full of complaining about coworkers or clients. That mostly ended when she went into business for herself and after she bought out her partner. I’m very happy about that. I like being with someone who has a passion and is great at their craft. Doesn’t have to make a ton of money. I love it that she is very resourceful and down to earth (looking for experiences and less material possessions).

Because my wife did not have to wake up early because her business didn’t open until 11am; our kids had an unique sleep schedule which benefited me. Take for example tonight (Saturday night) my 2 year old son went to bed at 11pm. The kids sleep in the mornings. That meant when I used to get home at 8pm sometimes, I’d have at least two hours with them on weeknights. That extra time was invaluable for socialization and relationship. For those parents who fear about stunting a child’s growth with that sleep schedule; seems like my oldest will be tall. My son, it’s yet to be seen (he’s only 2). As a couple we play our own game.

To me that’s a more everyday, balanced power couple with a decently comfortable life and time with kids.

Since I was in real estate development, someone (who’s now divorced, mind you) once told me the most important development in one’s life is the development of human beings.

Have compassion as well as ambition and you’ll go far in life
 
  • Analyst 1 in PE - Other
Jun 1, 2020 - 5:21pm

What kind of hours do MDs and Partners pull every week? during my summer my Partners were always out of the office by 5/6. I've always been set with the idea of marrying a career woman, but had the plan of not having kids until 31/32, when (hopefully) we can make middle or upper-middle management and have much better control over our hours and work/life balance. From the likes of this thread though, it seems like one extreme or the other.

 
Jun 1, 2020 - 7:27pm

I would hope my future wife works, atleast for a while.

Both my parents worked and I saw them a ton growing up. Dad was managing partner of his firm, Mom was mid level in her career. Never felt like I didn't get enough of them. I actually see them a ton as an adult because they both retired in their late 50s-early 60s.

My hope is that my future wife is money motivated enough to work until we don't need dual incomes. I think having two is great, and provides a lot of stability, but I don't need her to be hustling forever.

 
Jun 7, 2020 - 10:26am

A lot of my friends' mothers are housewives but they were no good. Most of them thought taking care of a household is something natural and thus should be easy, then proceeded to fail big time. Stay home parent is also a job, a career that demands skills and passion yet many don't realize that.

If my future spouse is very good at home making and she believes that's where her passion lies, sure I'm all for it. However, if she only does it because she's incompetent in having a career anywhere else, consider us never met.

 
Jun 9, 2020 - 4:35pm

I have also seen very wealthy older men marry much younger women for her "great personality." They always seem to have one kid and never pay much attention to it, as he is off working and she is "living her best life" and "trying her best."

It is really raw and sad.

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