Reneged HF, then recruited for UMM PE and realizing reneging might've been a massive mistake.
After 2 years in banking, I got an HF offer at Podshop as an associate around the start of summer last year. Great PM (extremely smart but worked a lot) but in a tier 2 city (Boston/SF/Chicago/Greenwich). Around the time I was gearing up to resign, my girlfriend of 3 years got a job in NYC too, and my bank really got in my head about my prospects at HF and the future of the industry. So much so that some of the bad things I heard during the interview process really started to make me anxious about handing in my resignation letter (low job security, will never stop thinking about my stocks, 90h/week for 3 weeks each quarter).
I think another key factor in my decision to renege was that I got the offer for having the raw skills, smarts, and passion to learn (and will caveat that I was dead honest in each answer), rather than investment/modelling expertise or really any particular hard skill. In fact, looking back at all my pitches, I was dead wrong each time. Point is, definitely had/have imposter syndrome and it didn't help that I felt like I didn't live/breathe the markets. It also didn't help that I would have to work directly under a PM rather than an analyst (who'd report to the PM). but in hindsight, feels like a HUGE opportunity squandered.
Anyways, 6 months after reneging, I quit banking and joined UMM PE as an associate. I joined a new team, right now it's just me and a partner/MD so the team is focused on growing. It was interesting initially but now feels boring, repetitive, and dry. Way too much focus on random details. And the relative lack of infrastructure and focus on portco management is also very, very boring and it doesn't really feel like an intelligent investment style altogether (sometimes feels like a sourcing/relationship game and I wish I knew why everyone in banking is drawn to it).
Not sure if I'm being too hard on it, but definitely feel like I made a mistake and would have had a great time at Podshop, could have learned to cope with job loss (way better than last year), and would have been around smarter people. I think I'd genuinely enjoy what feels like a meritocracy, learning and finding the slightest edges.
Let me know if I'm crazy; worth trying to get a Podshop offer at a different shop? Step further, thoughts on reaching out to old PM/headhunter? My plan right now is to sharpen my modelling skills, read tons of equity and market research, manage a small portfolio of relevant stocks (to execute on research/ideas and see if I can develop a 'track record' but pretty sure if I do well, it would be luck so better to focus on modelling, equity, and market research component either way). I would reach out to the shop/headhunter and headhunters broadly after maybe 6 months of prep.
Invite your thoughts and advice.
Edit: am doing well in PE, just not as thrilled as i thought i'd be.
Don't be too hard on yourself. The grass is always greener on the other side. You'll have no problems recruiting with your background. I actually don't even think it would be a big deal to reach back out to the old PM. Just be humble and earnest and say: "Look, I'm sorry. I made a mistake etc etc. If there is an opening on your team, would you be open to speaking to me again?" The reality is that, in our business, being able to admit and own up to mistakes that we all make is important. I feel like everything in your post reflects that. If he isn't open to speaking to you again, then just move on. There are plenty of other desks looking for great people like yourself.