My theory: Stanford GSB doesn't exist. Let me explain why.

As we draw to the close of the college admissions process, thousands of applicants are waiting with drawn breath for Friday, when Stanford University will release their decisions. I was one of these people, until I stumbled upon revelations that have shaken me to the core and caused me to realize the true nature of Stanford. I share this as a warning, with the hope that one day the terrible truth will come to light: Stanford isn’t real.

First, we should make some observations. Stanford, or “Stanford” as I will refer to it occasionally, has one of the most expensive application fees in the country. This will be important later. Second, Stanford is considered one of the most prestigious colleges in the country and has an exceptionally low acceptance rate. It has alumni with a wide range of accomplishments and talents, and is generally listed as one of the world’s best places to study.

Now despite all this, let me ask, have you ever really seen anyone from “Stanford”? Have you ever met someone who recently attended the college? Sure people say they get in and go, but then what? Nothing, never to be seen again. Take a look at their website: the campus looks good right? But where are all the people?

Now, here’s the explanation. Stanford does not exist. The campus, although obviously real, is a mere prop akin to a movie setting. They can accomplish this by rejecting every applicant, and pocketing their application fee in order to keep the “campus” looking good. When you apply to “Stanford”, you are not applying to a school but rather paying a shadowy shell company close to 300 hundred dollars. The interviewers? All paid actors. The pictures? All fake. There is no “Stanford”, but rather a fake campus and a network of lies.

Obviously, you probably think this is complete nonsense. “What about my friend?” you ask. “He’s a freshman at Stanford right now!” But tell me, when was the last time you saw him? “Oh he got an internship over the summer!” You sure? Perhaps he was paid off with some excess funds to “attend” so-called “Stanford”.

Finally, the “alumni”. Let me ask you a hypothetical question. Imagine you, through hard work and some luck, rose to the top of the corporate ladder and became a CEO. All your peers attended Ivies and similar institutions, while you didn’t attend college. It’d make you feel pretty small, right? But what if you were approached by someone from “Stanford” saying they could register you as an official alumni for a simple one-time payment? I don’t know about you, but I’d take the deal. And so would many others, leading to a self-fulfilling cycle where people become “alumni” in order to increase their social status, therefore making Stanford seem more prestigious and attractive.

What we see as one of the most competitive and selective schools in the world is merely one giant illusion to keep the world’s greatest minds at bay, one $275 application fee at a time. Stay woke my friends, and stay safe.