Cold Email Template

kmess024's picture
Rank: Orangutan | banana points 313

I am starting network for the first time and would like to get some critic for my template. I am a just starting college and hope to find an internship for next summer.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ___________, a student at Berkeley City College majoring in Business Administration. I found your contact information on _____ as well as the alumni database. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry and specifically the mergers and acquistions field. I know you are busy and understand if they can't make the time - but I would really appreciate it if you could be open to a brief informational interview over the phone or in person next week? I am eager to learn more about your undergraduate experiences at ________ university and about your role at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best,

  1. a. Can anyone help me find people's email from GS, JPM, or any other BB in the S.F. area, and also how do you find emails the proper way?
    b. Does it have be someone in N.Y or is S.F good enough?
  2. Do these people have to be Associates, VPs, or MDs, or can it be an analyst?

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Comments (74)

Best Response
Aug 14, 2012

Comma after "College."

I would only say "I found your contact information through the alumni database," unless the other reason was something relevant like the person's finance blog or whatever.

"I understand you are busy and may not have the time" - simpler/clearer. Don't use a dash; replace it with a comma.

You can do the rest, and break it up. One solid block would get "tl;dr" as a reaction.

PS - Best what? Best regards? Best wishes? Best pal?

    • 2
Aug 14, 2012
Cola Coca:

Comma after "College."

I would only say "I found your contact information through the alumni database," unless the other reason was something relevant like the person's finance blog or whatever.

"I understand you are busy and may not have the time" - simpler/clearer. Don't use a dash; replace it with a comma.

You can do the rest, and break it up. One solid block would get "tl;dr" as a reaction.

PS - Best what? Best regards? Best wishes? Best pal?

It was best regards, but it got cut off.

The Four E's of investment
"The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet

Aug 14, 2012

if they can't make the time = if you can't make the time.
replace informational interview with something else, it sounds awkward

Aug 14, 2012

Your 'template' is full of grammatical errors, man!

Aug 14, 2012
kmess024:

1. a. Can anyone help me find people's email from GS, JPM, or any other BB in the S.F. area, and also how do you find emails the proper way?

Companies use a specific format for all emails

[email protected]

Just find out the company's email format and fill in the names accordingly.

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Aug 14, 2012

Consider a re-write. You'll want it shorter, and tighter. For example, only use question marks for questions.

Aug 14, 2012

How about you spending sometime finding out more about each person you want to email, e.g. what do they do and how can they benefit from having you around as an analyst. If you don't want to spend the time to research each person and write a personalized letter to them then they are not going to waste their time responding to your cold email template/spam.

    • 1
Aug 14, 2012
kmess024:

I am starting network for the first time and would like to get some critic for my template. I am a just starting college and hope to find an internship for next summer.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ___________, a student at Berkeley City College majoring in Business Administration. I found your contact information on _____ as well as the alumni database. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry and specifically the mergers and acquistions field. I know you are busy and understand if they can't make the time - but I would really appreciate it if you could be open to a brief informational interview over the phone or in person next week? I am eager to learn more about your undergraduate experiences at ________ university and about your role at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best,

  1. a. Can anyone help me find people's email from GS, JPM, or any other BB in the S.F. area, and also how do you find emails the proper way?
    b. Does it have be someone in N.Y or is S.F good enough?
  2. Do these people have to be Associates, VPs, or MDs, or can it be an analyst?

Please consider rewriting this template. It's pretty standard in terms of content which is fine, but whats not fine is that this email just has so many grammatical errors and awkward sentences that if I were to get it I would not bother giving you a single second of my time.

1b depends on where you want to work. If you're set on NY and only want NY then why bother with other cities. If you want IB and are not picky in terms of cities than choose 3-4.
2 just write to all levels that you can find. Its never certain who is willing to reply but again, with that template you will not hear from anyone.

Aug 14, 2012

My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,

*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

The Four E's of investment
"The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet

Aug 14, 2012
kmess024:

My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,

*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

Much better but sounds a bit choppy between your first three sentences. So just do a little editing there and shud be much better

Aug 14, 2012
kmess024:

My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,

*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

Mr. _______
|
Hey,
|
My name is Devontae, I'm a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your email through a mutual friend. I know you're a busy motherfucker, so I'll make this short.
|
I'm a rising sophomore with a passion for investment banking. I'd appreciate it if you could take time out of your schedule to...
|
Best Regards,
|
|
|
Devontae Jemarcus

I have no idea what the fuck you're going after with your 'template'. Fill out the last part accordingly.

Aug 15, 2012
Extensity:
kmess024:

My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,

*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

Mr. _______
|
Hey,
|
My name is Devontae, I'm a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your email through a mutual friend. I know you're a busy motherfucker, so I'll make this short.
|
I'm a rising sophomore with a passion for investment banking. I'd appreciate it if you could take time out of your schedule to...
|
Best Regards,
|
|
|
Devontae Jemarcus

I have no idea what the fuck you're going after with your 'template'. Fill out the last part accordingly.

Swearing in a cold email seems unprofessional, but I see what your getting at.

The Four E's of investment
"The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet

Aug 14, 2012

It's gotta be more concise and to the point. Shoot for 3-4 sentences.

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.

Aug 15, 2012

Saying "interview" sounds retarded. Just put conversation.

Aug 24, 2012

I have a list of 21 people and I have one last draft. Tell me if this good enough.

Mr/Mrs X,
Hi,
My name is Kennedy, I'm a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information through a connection on _________. I am a freshmen with an interest in investment bank. I understand you are very busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief conversation over the phone or in person possibly next week to talk about your role at ____ bank and undergraduate experiences at _______. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,

The Four E's of investment
"The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet

Aug 24, 2012

Grammar! I would ignore your email just for all the mistakes you've made.

My name is Kennedy, I'm a Business Administration major

a freshmen

an interest in investment bank

Mr/Mrs X,
Hi,

Are you an ESL student? I don't mean any offense, but maybe you should take a few more classes. I can't stress enough the importance of writing skills in any professional context.

Aug 24, 2012

everyone has said it already..just wanted to focus a bit more on:

// I understand you are very busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief conversation over the phone or in person possibly next week to talk about your role at ____ bank and undergraduate experiences at _______. Thank you for your time and help.//

That's very meak. Why remind them they are busy? So they can ignore you faster? Also, why do you want to know about their undergrad exp? really, who has time to talk about that. They know what you are after so don't beat around the bush.

something along the lines of the following would be better, and more honest.

I am trying to break into the industry and I would greatly appreciate a quick chat over the phone, or in person, about your experience in XXXXX and any advice you can give me on ......

    • 1
Feb 21, 2013

man...this was a brutal post...never thought it'd be this tricky to send an email!

    • 1
Apr 9, 2013

Why not just end it like this...

"Thank you,

Name
Email
Phone Number"

Apr 9, 2013

Too long man!!! Additionally, networking is about building a relationship. You want to bolster your own credibility and ask for what you want (an internship) eventually, but not right off the bat.

Try this:

Dear Mr/Mrs X,

Hi, my name is ___________. I am currently a student at Berkeley City College. I have a passion for the investment banking industry; more specifically the mergers and acquisitions field, which I find absolutely fascinating. I am currently writing a (paper and/or article and/or whatever fucking bullshit) and I was hoping I could get your opinion on the (insert question regarding recent, hot M&A deal). I am certain that you have a demanding schedule, but I would truly appreciate it if you could weigh in.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best,

    • 1
Apr 9, 2013

.

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Apr 9, 2013

why are we still using Mr/Mrs? I would address by first name...

Jul 30, 2016

Do not try to please them too much.

Jul 30, 2016

Hey XXX,

My name is YYY and I'm currently a fresh/soph/jr/sr studying MAJOR at SCHOOL. While exploring career paths within finance I've developed an interest in JOB and was wondering if you could take a few moments to speak with me about your experiences in the industry so far. I know you're busy so I really would appreciate any time you could give me. Thanks, hope to talk to you soon.

Best,
YYY

Or something like that. Keep it short and sweet. And if there's one thing I've learned from cold emailing its that you're putting 100 times more thought into this email than the person reading it will. They're either going to be inclined to speak with you or they won't be, what you say probably isn't going to influence it all that much. Best of luck.

    • 1
Jul 30, 2016

cooldurg's advice is spot on. Keep it short, simple, and be straight to the point. You don't need a template here, because you want to be brief and all you need to say is that you're interested in this industry. Only thing that I'll modify from cooldurg's sample is that I would rather open it up with Hi XXX or Dear XXX than Hey XXX. Good luck!

Jul 30, 2016

This is good stuff -- will be incorporating this into my email template. Thank you!

Jul 30, 2016

I would just pick up the phone and call. That worked better for me when I was looking at boutique internships.

    • 2
Jul 30, 2016

Personally, I do that for full time... but NEVER ask for a job so explicitly.. make it a bit more subtle.. ! !

    • 1
Jul 30, 2016

Should I not even mention it at all? Or is this fine to say: "Would it be possible to arrange a 15-minute phone call with you to discuss your experiences at _______ and any internship opportunities? ".

Jul 30, 2016

also, should I attach my resume if it isn't that impressive?

Jul 30, 2016
undefined:

also, should I attach my resume if it isn't that impressive?

No. When you cold email someone, they (subconsciously at least) look for reasons not to reply. A bad resume is the easiest justification for radio silence.

Jul 30, 2016

No, generally, just sell yourself in that opening para where you can list down all the points in which you can contribute to the team.
Moreover, if someone is interested in you, they will ask for a resume in sometime.

All the Best ! !

Jul 30, 2016

Keep it really short.

"[Banker Name],

I am currently a junior at [School] and interested in investment banking.

I've heard great things about [Bank] and would like to learn more.

Would it be possible to arrange a short phone call with you to discuss your background and experiences at [Bank]?

Thanks,
[Your Name]"

Jul 30, 2016

This is a good template. You can modify as you see fit. One thing - you may also suggest coffee if you're in the same geographic area.

Also, you don't need to ask for job opps in the email - if they're interested in talking to you, you can always bring it up on the call if you feel a positive vibe.

Jul 30, 2016
undefined:

This is a good template. You can modify as you see fit. One thing - you may also suggest coffee if you're in the same geographic area.

Also, you don't need to ask for job opps in the email - if they're interested in talking to you, you can always bring it up on the call if you feel a positive vibe.

But what about if it's a smaller bank that they probably know you haven't heard of? Is there anything else to replace that line with?

And if my resume is good (or at least I think it is after getting it reviewed a couple of times), should I attach it and say "I've attached my resume for context."

Jul 30, 2016

Then just say you're interested in IB and came across their profile on the firm website or on the alumni database or something and that you're interested to learn more/chat/whatever.

Jul 30, 2016

This is solid, short and sweet. Only thing I have found with this type of template is that it often goes straight to the trash if you have no connection. For me, doing a little research on a recent deal they have done or their background and asking to discuss XYZ has been more successful. For emails with no connection at all (school/personal) you're better off just calling imo.

Jul 30, 2016

Don't attach your resume. If you don't want to say you've heard good things, say you read them. Not like you can't have done some research. I think even for small boutiques it's fine though, more a figure of speech than anything.

Jul 30, 2016

I felt weird about attaching my resume when I was a student, but I kind of actually like it when people attach their resume now - gives me a sense for where to start.

Jul 30, 2016

Great starting point, but keep in mind that you have to get them interested in speaking with you for them to reply. Don't just use this template as-is for all your emails, since it's clear it is a generic one. Maybe for each person, add on a sentence or two referencing something specific that he/she has done. Look at his/her LinkedIn profile for shared interests and talking points, so that they actually have a reason to speak with you.

Also, definitely don't attach your resume to a cold email. That's basically the same thing as walking up to some random person on the street and asking them to read your resume. Unless you've established a precedent connection/conversation with them, they have no reason to read your resume because they won't care to learn more about you.

Finally, don't specifically ask for 15 minutes, just say "brief phone call" or something along those lines. You never know when you'll strike a good conversation with a talkative banker, and you won't want them to have only blocked out just 15 minutes of their schedule when you do.

Jul 30, 2016

Thanks everyone, I made a few changes to my template. I've included some talking points about the bankers and have focused the email around learning more about them rather than directly asking for internship opportunities. I get around a 10% reply rate. I wish it was higher, but I still can't complain since I'm getting replies at least.

Jul 30, 2016

When I call up bankers, how do I get around the gatekeeper secretary?

Jul 30, 2016

If you email them to set up a call beforehand and you call the banker at the scheduled time, they'll pick up directly instead of their secretary, unless they're in a meeting or something. If the secretary is being a nuisance, just reach out to the banker directly and schedule a time.

Jul 30, 2016

Thanks for the input everyone, I ended up changing my template to make it not so direct. I also just landed a SA IBD position at a boutique a few days ago.

Jul 30, 2016

Just curious, who did you contact when cold emailing people? Did you use contact emails found on the website or did you try and find specific people in the bank (like Analysts or MDs)

Jul 30, 2016

It depended on who I thought was a better fit for me to contact. Mostly VPs and MDs were the ones who I contacted. I contacted some analysts but it's better to reach out to those with hiring power. Often times I only contacted people who had their emails posted online, but there were plenty of times when I guessed their email enough times until I got it right.

    • 1
Jul 30, 2016

If you're messaging them on LInkedin, you don't need to say you were browsing Linkedin and came across their profile.

Jul 30, 2016

Start with your quick intro then say you found their background interesting and want to ask about how XYZ...

Jul 30, 2016

I've done plenty of cold e-mailing, PM me if you still need help.

Jul 30, 2016

You shouldn't give them the option to decide if they want to talk to you on the phone. You should say " I would love to jump on the phone with you sometime to learn about your experiences in the industry and any advice you may have for me to succeed in this field" or something like that.

Jul 30, 2016

bump

Jul 30, 2016

Replace let me get to the point with: Please accept this email as an introduction.

Don't attach a cover letter. You are writing a cover email to the individual. Don't use contractions (I just did).

I'm sure theres more things people can point out.

Jul 30, 2016

I feel like the reactions could be either:
- "Woah, this guy really gets right to the point! Awesome!", or
- This guy sounds kind of abrasive

Sounds pretty good though albeit bold. I'd agree with above poster on nixing the cover letter. Including resume is up to you. The second chunk of text is fairly carefully crafted, but it doesn't actually say much other than that you're interested -- it sounds a bit generic, no? Also, you're looking for "complement" with two Es here.

Jul 30, 2016

Looks solid. Mine is really similar to yours.

Jul 30, 2016

"I was hoping you might have a little time to speak with me about your experiences as well as any advice you may have for someone hoping to succeed in this field."

This part looks a little to open ended to me. Asking for advice on "your experiences" and "success in this field" is not very specific and someone who is extremely busy might find it too much of a burden to bother responding versus a more specific question. Someone could write a novel on those topics... Perhaps, instead, do a bit of homework on people you plan to cold email and tailor a more specific questions to that individual.

Otherwise, for your template I think you have a good approach going.

Jul 30, 2016

Why do you say "thank you again"... that's your first thank you.

Jul 30, 2016

I would delete the whole thank you part (thank you for what? They haven't done anything for you yet) and replace "software and IT" M&A with just "technology" M&A. Sign the email with "sincerely" or "regards" and send it off. Looks good otherwise, short and simple.

Jul 30, 2016
models_and_bottles:

I would delete the whole thank you part (thank you for what? They haven't done anything for you yet) and replace "software and IT" M&A with just "technology" M&A. Sign the email with "sincerely" or "regards" and send it off. Looks good otherwise, short and simple.

Yes to this...no one says IT M&A or software M&A. Say technology or tech M&A.

Jul 30, 2016

thanks for all the help guys! quick question about subject line. (Re: 'firm name' from XXXX University)
should I add Re or no?

Jul 30, 2016

for subject line, I always use "Student Reaching Out" ... unless you go to a target, I would leave the school out of the subject

Jul 30, 2016

Start with how you found their details and what drew you to their profile. Otherwise it just reads like you're asking for a job (which is implicit, but not want you want to start with).

Jul 30, 2016
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