Cold Email Template

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I am starting network for the first time and would like to get some critic for my template. I am a just starting college and hope to find an internship for next summer.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ___________, a student at Berkeley City College majoring in Business Administration. I found your contact information on _____ as well as the alumni database. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry and specifically the mergers and acquistions field. I know you are busy and understand if they can't make the time – but I would really appreciate it if you could be open to a brief informational interview over the phone or in person next week? I am eager to learn more about your undergraduate experiences at ________ university and about your role at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best,


  1. a. Can anyone help me find people's email from GS, JPM, or any other BB in the S.F. area, and also how do you find emails the proper way?
    b. Does it have be someone in N.Y or is S.F good enough?
  2. Do these people have to be Associates, VPs, or MDs, or can it be an analyst?

Comments (74)

 
Best Response
Aug 14, 2012 - 1:13am

Comma after "College."

I would only say "I found your contact information through the alumni database," unless the other reason was something relevant like the person's finance blog or whatever.

"I understand you are busy and may not have the time" - simpler/clearer. Don't use a dash; replace it with a comma.

You can do the rest, and break it up. One solid block would get "tl;dr" as a reaction.

PS - Best what? Best regards? Best wishes? Best pal?

 
Aug 14, 2012 - 1:21am

Cola Coca:
Comma after "College."

I would only say "I found your contact information through the alumni database," unless the other reason was something relevant like the person's finance blog or whatever.

"I understand you are busy and may not have the time" - simpler/clearer. Don't use a dash; replace it with a comma.

You can do the rest, and break it up. One solid block would get "tl;dr" as a reaction.

PS - Best what? Best regards? Best wishes? Best pal?

It was best regards, but it got cut off.

The Four E's of investment "The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet
 
Aug 14, 2012 - 2:13am

Consider a re-write. You'll want it shorter, and tighter. For example, only use question marks for questions.

"There are three ways to make a living in this business: be first, be smarter, or cheat."
 
Aug 14, 2012 - 2:51am

How about you spending sometime finding out more about each person you want to email, e.g. what do they do and how can they benefit from having you around as an analyst. If you don't want to spend the time to research each person and write a personalized letter to them then they are not going to waste their time responding to your cold email template/spam.

Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep.
 
Aug 14, 2012 - 10:56am

kmess024:
I am starting network for the first time and would like to get some critic for my template. I am a just starting college and hope to find an internship for next summer.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ___________, a student at Berkeley City College majoring in Business Administration. I found your contact information on _____ as well as the alumni database. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry and specifically the mergers and acquistions field. I know you are busy and understand if they can't make the time – but I would really appreciate it if you could be open to a brief informational interview over the phone or in person next week? I am eager to learn more about your undergraduate experiences at ________ university and about your role at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best,


  1. a. Can anyone help me find people's email from GS, JPM, or any other BB in the S.F. area, and also how do you find emails the proper way?
    b. Does it have be someone in N.Y or is S.F good enough?
  2. Do these people have to be Associates, VPs, or MDs, or can it be an analyst?

Please consider rewriting this template. It's pretty standard in terms of content which is fine, but whats not fine is that this email just has so many grammatical errors and awkward sentences that if I were to get it I would not bother giving you a single second of my time.

1b depends on where you want to work. If you're set on NY and only want NY then why bother with other cities. If you want IB and are not picky in terms of cities than choose 3-4.
2 just write to all levels that you can find. Its never certain who is willing to reply but again, with that template you will not hear from anyone.

 
Aug 14, 2012 - 4:00pm

My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,


*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

The Four E's of investment "The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet
 
Aug 14, 2012 - 9:18pm

kmess024:
My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,


*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

Much better but sounds a bit choppy between your first three sentences. So just do a little editing there and shud be much better

 
Aug 14, 2012 - 10:21pm

kmess024:
My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,


*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

Mr. _______
|
Hey,
|
My name is Devontae, I'm a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your email through a mutual friend. I know you're a busy motherfucker, so I'll make this short.
|
I'm a rising sophomore with a passion for investment banking. I'd appreciate it if you could take time out of your schedule to...
|
Best Regards,
|
|
|
Devontae Jemarcus


I have no idea what the fuck you're going after with your 'template'. Fill out the last part accordingly.

 
Aug 15, 2012 - 12:35am

Extensity:
kmess024:
My new template.

Dear Mr/Mrs X,
Hi, my name is ________, a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information on _____. I am highly interested in the investment banking industry. I understand you are busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief interview over the phone or in person next week. I am eager to learn more about your role and experiences at ______ bank. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,


*****Not sure if I need the best regards if I introduced my name already.

Mr. _______
|
Hey,
|
My name is Devontae, I'm a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your email through a mutual friend. I know you're a busy motherfucker, so I'll make this short.
|
I'm a rising sophomore with a passion for investment banking. I'd appreciate it if you could take time out of your schedule to...
|
Best Regards,
|
|
|
Devontae Jemarcus


I have no idea what the fuck you're going after with your 'template'. Fill out the last part accordingly.


Swearing in a cold email seems unprofessional, but I see what your getting at.
The Four E's of investment "The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet
 
Aug 14, 2012 - 5:13pm

It's gotta be more concise and to the point. Shoot for 3-4 sentences.

My name is Nicky, but you can call me Dre.
 
Aug 24, 2012 - 1:13am

I have a list of 21 people and I have one last draft. Tell me if this good enough.

Mr/Mrs X,
Hi,
My name is Kennedy, I'm a Business Administration major at Berkeley City College. I found your contact information through a connection on _________. I am a freshmen with an interest in investment bank. I understand you are very busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief conversation over the phone or in person possibly next week to talk about your role at ____ bank and undergraduate experiences at _______. Thank you for your time and help.

Best Regards,


The Four E's of investment "The greatest Enemies of the Equity investor are Expenses and Emotions."- Warren Buffet
 
Aug 24, 2012 - 2:39am

Grammar! I would ignore your email just for all the mistakes you've made.

My name is Kennedy, I'm a Business Administration major

a freshmen

an interest in investment bank

Mr/Mrs X,
Hi,

Are you an ESL student? I don't mean any offense, but maybe you should take a few more classes. I can't stress enough the importance of writing skills in any professional context.

 
Aug 24, 2012 - 9:01am

everyone has said it already..just wanted to focus a bit more on:

// I understand you are very busy and may not have the time, but I would really appreciate it if you could be open for a brief conversation over the phone or in person possibly next week to talk about your role at ____ bank and undergraduate experiences at _______. Thank you for your time and help.//

That's very meak. Why remind them they are busy? So they can ignore you faster? Also, why do you want to know about their undergrad exp? really, who has time to talk about that. They know what you are after so don't beat around the bush.

something along the lines of the following would be better, and more honest.

I am trying to break into the industry and I would greatly appreciate a quick chat over the phone, or in person, about your experience in XXXXX and any advice you can give me on ......

 
Apr 9, 2013 - 5:24pm

Too long man!!! Additionally, networking is about building a relationship. You want to bolster your own credibility and ask for what you want (an internship) eventually, but not right off the bat.

Try this:

Dear Mr/Mrs X,

Hi, my name is ___________. I am currently a student at Berkeley City College. I have a passion for the investment banking industry; more specifically the mergers and acquisitions field, which I find absolutely fascinating. I am currently writing a (paper and/or article and/or whatever fucking bullshit) and I was hoping I could get your opinion on the (insert question regarding recent, hot M&A deal). I am certain that you have a demanding schedule, but I would truly appreciate it if you could weigh in.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best,

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:02pm

Cold Email Template Opinions? (Originally Posted: 11/24/2015)

Here's my template for contacting boutique investment banks.

I have removed my template since I ended up changing it completely.

Also, should I include my resume if I don't have a 3.5+ GPA or relevant experience?

Thanks guys.

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:23pm

My Cold Call Template? (Originally Posted: 09/12/2014)

Here is my template:

Hello FIRST LAST,

I was browsing Linkedin and came across your profile. I am a first-year XXXX student at XXXXX University and I am interested in talking to you about how you transferred your degree in XXXXX to XXXXXX and your advice on what I should be doing to get myself there.

Looking forward to hearing back from you,

FIRST LAST

How does it look? Should I change it up?

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:26pm

Cold emailing template - in need of opinions (Originally Posted: 08/11/2015)

Hi WSO,

I am about to contact a few M&A and PE shops in Europe, and I have been thinking about how to structure my cold email. Came up with a concise and straight to the point message. I'd like some honest opinions about it, so if some of you are willing to read it, I'll be happy to send it to you by PM.

Please let me know. Many thanks in advance.

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:28pm

Help improving my email template I send to Directors/MD's (Originally Posted: 11/18/2015)

Ok so I am a ex-professional athlete who graduated a non target school and now looking for internships to break into banking.. Can you guys give me some suggestions to improve my email template i have been sending to MD's and Directors?

Mr. ____

My name is __________ and I graduated (non target) University in May of 2014. Since graduation, I have pursued a professional (sport) career but now want to focus my efforts into obtaining an internship in investment banking. The last 10 years I have dedicated myself to becoming one of the top (sport) players in the United States. I want to apply that same dedication and drive to succeed toward becoming a great employee at _______. I come from a different background compared to many applicants and I have no doubt that my unique experiences will allow me to be a very valuable asset.

Please find attached a copy of my resume. If you know of any open positions or have any advice for me, please let me know of a time you will be able to speak on the phone in the near future. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,


 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:31pm

Looking for advice: cold email template (Originally Posted: 08/13/2013)

Hey, I'm looking for advice on this cold email template directed towards traders.

Title: Applying for FT Position: Seeking Guidance

Trader's Name,

Let me get to the point: I want to know how to best position myself for [Role] at [Firm]. Would you be willing to spend time on the phone or put me through to a more appropriate contact?

I'm a senior studying [majors and minors]. I've been interested in financial markets for years and I've structured my curriculum to develop technical skills that compliment my knowledge of finance. I feel my flexible and dynamic background makes me an ideal candidate for [Role].

Any help would be greatly appreciated and I've attached my resume and cover letter for your reference.

Regards,
[Name]
[School]
[Phone]

Any help is greatly appreciated.

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:34pm

Cold email template. Thumbs up or down (Originally Posted: 06/25/2013)

This is a email template i was thinking about using for contacts through referrals. What do you guys think? I am having some trouble with the first sentence in the second paragraph. Should I separate the two parts? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

"Hi, I am a rising senior at XXXXX and am a friend of XXXXX. He referred me to speak to you as I am interested in pursuing a career in investment banking upon graduation.

I am currently a summer analyst interning in IT and software M&A in XXXXX and I was hoping you might have a little time to speak with me about your experiences as well as any advice you may have for someone hoping to succeed in this field. I know that you are extremely busy, but I am more than happy to work around your schedule. Thank you again, and I look forward to hearing from you.

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:42pm

Could you take a look at my cold-email template? (Originally Posted: 03/28/2017)

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Jul 30, 2016 - 2:44pm

FLDP cold email critique (Originally Posted: 07/21/2017)

Next week I'm going to begin trying to email people in FLDP programs, and since my university doesn't even have F500 OCR this is my only shot at getting in. If anyone could give advice/changes to my template I'd appreciate it.

Hello [x],

My name is [x] and I'm a rising senior studying finance and economics at [x] University, and am currently a FP&A intern at [x] in [x].

I have been researching [x]'s development program and am very interested in the company. I came across your name and noticed you went through the program, I was hoping you would be willing to chat for 10-15 minutes to discuss your experience as well as any advice for someone hoping to succeed in this field.

Thank you for your time, and I have attached my resume for context.

Sincerely,

[x]

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:45pm

I think this is fine. You are going to need to learn to think for yourself when communicating and networking and calm down or else the entire process will be hell if you second guess every networking email you send. Just keep them straight and to the point which I think you accomplished.

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:46pm

Critique Networking Cold Email (Originally Posted: 10/05/2012)

Do you guys think you can critique my cold email. I tried to keep it as short as possible. Where does it need improvement?

Mr./Ms. Smith,

My name is John Doe. I am a junior at ______ majoring in economics. I am interested in ________ and saw that you were a partner in the _______
department at ___company____. Whenever you have time, I would love to talk to
you about your career and how you got started there. My phone number
is 1-XXX-XXX-XXXX and my email is ______________. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

John Doe
contact info
contact info

 
Jul 30, 2016 - 2:47pm
Frank Sinatra - "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."
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