Tr
u
Trending Content - Real Estate Forum
Career Resources
WSO Free Modeling Series - Now Open Through
September 30, 2026
9 Free Financial Modeling Lessons
Get instant access to lessons taught by experienced private equity pros and bulge bracket investment bankers including financial statement modeling, DCF, M&A, LBO, Comps and Excel Modeling.
+Bonus: Get 27 financial modeling templates in swipe file
+Bonus: Get 27 financial modeling templates in swipe file
High Finance Applications
Guaranteed
Get at least one offer GUARANTEED
- 1:1 support
- 92% success rate
- 2,000+ mentor network
- Unlimited Live bootcamps
- AI for resume + LinkedIn
- Networking automation tools
- HireVue simulation tool
- Full course library
- Private Slack community
- 20hrs of mocks
- + much more...
This belongs on college confidential if anything.
A lot of the sentences are awkward and have poor grammar. Rewrite these in particular:
"My career plans are as a result of anticipation in life especially after graduating from high school, in regards to the path I will follow after joining college. I was debating between continuing to wrestle in college and make my way to an Olympics title or to study commerce." "The eventuality was that I realized a career in finance would be the best career path that I could take."
Have a friend/parent that's good at writing look it over and work on it with you. Also, a good technique is to read the essay aloud to yourself. This helps you pinpoint awkward phrases.
I also wouldn't mention WSO in the essay, but that's just me.
I echo everything Newspeak said. The essay was a little hard to get through. You've got some incorrect tenses in several places and you should check to make sure that everything that is supposed to be plural is plural, and everything that isn't supposed to be, isn't.
You should probably review the concept of a run on sentence and remove a few of those commas you threw out everywhere.
I agree guys, I will make this changes.
It kind of jumps all over the place too. Needs logical progression.
Reduce and reduce some more. "I" is mentioned 21 times, "to" is mentioned 32x, "that" 13x, "my" 12x, and "me" 5x.
Ut sit illo voluptatem sint fugiat corporis. Laborum fuga corrupti non voluptatibus et maiores commodi cumque. Dolor placeat nulla sed veritatis minima modi deleniti. Sapiente qui facere illo nemo debitis consectetur doloremque. Quis labore dolor blanditiis hic tempore. Voluptas voluptas qui fuga ipsum ullam qui suscipit nisi.
Ut voluptas sint quia laudantium voluptatum suscipit. Nihil rerum fugit omnis ab est magnam perferendis. Quis aut fugiat sed maxime magni perferendis debitis.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...