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WSO Free Modeling Series - Now Open Through
November 30, 2026
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This belongs on college confidential if anything.
A lot of the sentences are awkward and have poor grammar. Rewrite these in particular:
"My career plans are as a result of anticipation in life especially after graduating from high school, in regards to the path I will follow after joining college. I was debating between continuing to wrestle in college and make my way to an Olympics title or to study commerce." "The eventuality was that I realized a career in finance would be the best career path that I could take."
Have a friend/parent that's good at writing look it over and work on it with you. Also, a good technique is to read the essay aloud to yourself. This helps you pinpoint awkward phrases.
I also wouldn't mention WSO in the essay, but that's just me.
I echo everything Newspeak said. The essay was a little hard to get through. You've got some incorrect tenses in several places and you should check to make sure that everything that is supposed to be plural is plural, and everything that isn't supposed to be, isn't.
You should probably review the concept of a run on sentence and remove a few of those commas you threw out everywhere.
I agree guys, I will make this changes.
It kind of jumps all over the place too. Needs logical progression.
Reduce and reduce some more. "I" is mentioned 21 times, "to" is mentioned 32x, "that" 13x, "my" 12x, and "me" 5x.
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