Be Careful what you write to HR (Real Life Example)
"Go all the way down to the beginning"
From: ****, *****
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 4:12 PM
To: ****, ***
Subject: RE: Help
This is how I would respond
Dear ***
When is KPMG going paperless? I don’t know but I hope soon. Earlier this year I was flipping through some work papers and I got a nasty paper cut. The cut caused me to bleed all over the general ledger. We didn’t get it electronically because unbeknownst to KPMG, typewriters don’t receive electronic mail messages, so I had to ask the client for another one. Well let me tell you, the client was so angry at the request, not to mention the bloodshed, that he went to his boss, who went to the CFO, who went to the audit committee, and they dropped us as auditors mad fast. When this happened the partner was so angry that we lost the client he made me work for 27 days straight. I didn’t mind these hours because this was half of the hours I was working during busy season and the people I was working with were great, when they weren’t yelling at me, and fun to be around, in-between the games of who can hit me in the eye with a paperclip the most times in a minute. And flexibility; are you kidding? The team was totally flexible on when I could take my one personal phone call and two bathroom breaks. They would even let me combine two of them for an extra long break. You would be surprised at how much you could get done in 10 minutes. KPMG has great Mothers-in the workplace program. In fact it’s so great that even though I’m a guy I wish I could be a part of it. And whoever told you that 1-5 years is “as long as they want” was totally mistaken. I heard of this one girl who worked at KPMG and she had kids when she was 25 and didn’t return until she was 55. KPMG was so excited to have her back after missing her for 30 years that they immediately promoted her to partner. Also I don’t know where you heard that KPMG was the bottom of the big four, but remember if you start from the bottom the only way you can go is up! In closing, I might not have answered all of your questions but with the information I have provided I am confident you will make the right decision.
Can’t wait to work with you!
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From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:59 PM
To: *****
Subject: FW: Help
Read from the bottom up. It's hilarious.
From: ****
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 1:53 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
** | Audit Associate
KPMG LLP |303 E. Wacker Dr. Chicago, IL 60601
Office: 312.665.5219 | Mobile: 502.727.3405 | Fax: 312.277.3896
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:23 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Read from the bottom up!
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 12:46 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Seriously, this is too ridiculous NOT to pass on…..p.s. send this to Trey cuz I lost his email….
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:45 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
I am embarrassed to say I went to school with this girl……
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:34 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Read from bottom up
*
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:27 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
I’m sure you’ve already seen this. If not read on………….
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:17 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:10 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
You may have already seen this but it’s hilarious.
Start from the very bottom of the email.
__________________________________________________
*
KPMG LLP
Senior Associate
*
From:*
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 10:29 AM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
*
Senior Associate - Audit and Risk Advisory Service
kpmg LLP
*
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:30 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
See what Dean said.
*
ph - (214) 840-4273
fax - (214) 594-7282
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:21 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
For your amusement. Start at the bottom.
*
From: W*
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 5:45 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
*
I volunteer Nick to infiltrate D&T for recruiting because he looks 12. Also, once he finds out who is trash-talking us, he could easily 'eliminate' the problem.
p.s. The best question is: 4. Do you feel like KPMG's lack of technology is slowing down your development and progress in your career? My response: Absolutely. The use of morse-code telephones, word processors and telegraphs is a hinderance to my auditing ability. My developement has suffered too - I cannot speak in full sentences, have forgotten my colors, and can no longer put shapes into their apporpriate slots. My career has suffered as well. After looking around for another job, I am only eligible for jobs at Taco Bell and McDonald's because they have an automated beeper when to take the fries out. I don't know how to use this thing called a telephone, and is there a little man living inside, what people refer to as, a "computer"?
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
*
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:51 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
That is pretty hilarious. Every 3rd business day. Tell her we also run a plow from the back of a mule and shit in an outhouse when nature calls. See if she has 40 questions about that.
I feel sorry for the company she works for because she sounds like she would be making up excuses for needing to leave early from Day 1 of her career and also what kind of bullcrap is Deloitte telling people?
Seriously.
Maybe I could go through recruiting again and go through D&T to see what all is being said over there. Tape record it or something.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
Fax: *
*
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:08 PM
To: *Subject: RE: Help
I am crying over your response
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:01 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Recruiting should reply in 3 days, saying that they are sorry for the delayed response - the electricity in the building only works every third business day,otherwise, we work by candle using a quill.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
*
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:39 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Agreed…we don’t want her
From:*
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:36 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Obviously, I didn't respond, but seriously - does she think we use abacuses and take The Flintstone's car to work? Going paper-less...she's an idiot - she should work for DT.
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:24 PM
To:
Subject: RE: Help
Don’t you dare…
Recruiting has put formal response together and sent them to her
I just think if she is high maintenance, then we don’t want her anyways
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:19 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Don't worry, Nick, I am responding appropriately as we speak.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
phone: *
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:16 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
I want to help find out who told her all of that bullsh*t…
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:09 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
A recruit wanted to ask someone questions about being in the Dallas office…she is having a hard time deciding between D&T and KPMG…see her questions below
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 1:02 PM
To: *
Subject: Help
See Below
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:49 AM
To: *
Subject: KPMG Questions
*,
Thank you for letting me e-mail you. Staci has been very helpful with my questions about KPMG, but I was wanting an opinion from someone currently working for the firm. I am having a hard time deciding on who to go to work for in Dallas. I am getting a lot of fluff answers from recruiters. Is it okay if you give me the true scoop on how it is working for unnessary? The following are very important questions to me:
1. What is KPMG's policy on flex-time/part-time? When would I qualify?
2. Does KPMG have a Woman's Initiative Program/Working Mothers Program? Deloitte has a program in place that allows women to leave the workforce for as long as they want (1-5 years) and still be able to hold their position within the firm. When they come back, they can decide if they want to work part-time or flex-time and progress within the firm that way. Deloitte would sometimes even let you work at home. Does KPMG have the same fort of program?
3. When is KPMG going to go entirely paper-less?
4. Do you feel like KPMG's lack of technology is slowing down your development and progress in your career?
5. I have heard that KPMG is at the bottom of the Big 4 and might be fading away after the controversy a couple of years back. I have also heard that KPMG is losing their clients like mad due to excessive and unnecessary fees from lack of technology among other things. What are your thoughts on these comment?
6. What did you like most about working in the KPMG Dallas office? The people? The hours?
7. Could you tell me again about how many hours a week you worked during busy season?
8. How many hours a week you worked the rest of the year at KPMG?
9. What is KPMG's employee turnover rate?
Thanks!
*
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hilarious, what an idiot.
hilarious, what an idiot.
WOW
So that made its way to a dozen different offices of 3 of the biggest accounting firms in several different states across 2 countries. Ya can't not feel a bit bad for her. What ever happened to changing the names to protect the innocent (guilty?).
Haha, That is awesome!
Haha,
That is awesome!
It got to all 4..
D&T, PWC, KPMG and E&Y
What a moron....
wow this went dallas, san
wow this went dallas, san fran, nyc, toronto, KPMG, Deloitte, E&Y, PwC and now even industry people that probably left the CA/CPA firms are getting this (i.e. McCain)... I am going to ask a few buddies in Toronto if they got this (specifically at PwC, E&Y and Deloitte)
Wow, see ya accounting
Wow, see ya accounting career...
lol..i love question number
lol..i love question number 3
You also have to be careful responding
You also have to be careful responding -
Did you see all of those disparaging comments about D&T?
That email got forwarded and those KPMG people are also on record bashing D&T. Better hope you don't need to lateral some day!
There's a full version floating around the net, includes all real names and email addresses.
Caution runs both ways.
lmao, this should go in the
lmao, this should go in the hall of fame
classic.
classic.
Restructure this is dead on
Restructure this is dead on - this should be a good reminder to watch what you forward and say in your replies. I'm sure the D&T bashers never imagined it would actually be forwarded out of the firm, especially not to D&T.
Well, better hope for one thing...
Just hope it doesn't show up in one of those investment banking background checks if she ever goes that route.
Of course if she couldn't even make it into accounting, she probably can't get into IBD. :)
This is an absolutely classic email, wow, just wow.
It actually went a little
It actually went a little bit further than Canada.
I live in Australia and a friend showed it to me. Wouldn't be surprised if it went to London, Hong Kong, etc.
I can't believe how crazy it
I can't believe how crazy it can get. Is it just me that thinks it went a bit too overboard?
PM
Can someone PM the full version of this email (a link to a web page) with names? Thanks,
VCMonkey
Not sure if I can publicly
Not sure if I can publicly post the webpage, but just search for the text on Google.
This is the watered down version - the OP left out 1/2 the e-mail - that's just how bad it got lol.
http://thecparecruiter.blogsp
http://thecparecruiter.blogspot.com/
Sucks to be her.
haha
thanks for the link durden, this made my day
The person who forwarded the
The person who forwarded the email from KPMG to others should definately be fired.
I hope numerous KPMG 'potential' recruits see what kind of firm they're going to work for.
???
The person who forwarded the email from KPMG to others should definately be fired.
I hope numerous KPMG 'potential' recruits see what kind of firm they're going to work for.
I love these sorts of statements: "see what kind of firm they're going to work for."
Name me ONE firm that you think would be completely exempt from this?
If I were the managing
If I were the managing director of one of the satellite offices of KPMG involved, I would most definitely round up everyone who forwarded this email into my office, then I would just simply say, "you're fucking fired - get the hell out of my office". But that's just me. It's OK to talk smack behind closed doors - face it, everyone does it. But to do it in such a public manner and then allow it to circulate the web is incomprehensibly stupid - it puts the firm in a bad light. If your ass was stupid enough to leave your contact info and use your work email to forward that on, you deserve to get canned, in my opinion.
A friend from E&Y China fwd
A friend from E&Y China fwd this to me...just amazed at the speed at which this is circling the world!
Her letter was poorly
Her letter was poorly phrased and guaranteed to elicit a negative response.
However, she did have a very valid point.
These days, KPMG's reputation is a bit stinky.
...
Not as good as Lucy Gao's...
Seriously
The funniest thing about this email is how unfunny the responses are, and the fact that a bunch of tool auditors thought they were Jerry Seinfeld.
Makes me glad I'm not an accountant.
BSD123 wrote: The funniest
The funniest thing about this email is how unfunny the responses are, and the fact that a bunch of tool auditors thought they were Jerry Seinfeld.
Makes me glad I'm not an accountant.
My thoughts exactly.
Accountants really ARE this
Accountants really ARE this boring.
Ditto with everybody, Jerry
Ditto with everybody, Jerry Springers wannabe
They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.
wow. to those of you "blown
wow. to those of you "blown away" by how these "monsters" could make fun of this chick....you have clearly never worked in an office. this goes down every day. if she were smart, she could have gotten all of her questions answered without public humiliation. i feel bad for her, b/c she obviously didn't know how to go about getting what she wants.
now hold on a second
this young woman is clearly retarded.
in other words, she would make a great accountant.
wow this is hilarious ... i
wow this is hilarious ... i think her career is over
she was just trying to make
she was just trying to make an informed decision. she could have asked those very same questions - with some alternate wording - without raising an eyebrow.
but yea. dumb move.
Received this whilst working
Received this whilst working in D&T UK ^^
Received this whilst working
Received this whilst working in D&T UK ^^
Yeah, the questions
Yeah, the questions themselves were fine, but terribly phrased. I also agree--I'd fire the person who sent it out of the firm. It makes KPMG look really bad.