Rank the Banks… Recruitment videos

Recruitment season on Wall Street is slowly drawing to a close yet the banks have been doubling up on their recruitment material.

First there was Goldman showing off why you should be in their back office and then there was Morgan Stanley’s reality bit on how cool it was there.

Earlier today however, JP Morgan trumped them both when they released their own video, highlighting the Chuck Norrisness of working there.

Jumping over pigeons in slow mo, flashing blue steel to English-accented narration, unknowingly having ESP, all in a day’s work at JP Morgan.

Anyway, these are the banks pitch to you, why you should work there, what they expect from you, what you should expect from them and their culture.

Let’s take a look and see what they’re all about.

Goldman Sachs



Morgan Stanley



JP Morgan


Considering these guys pitch for a living, those weren’t good at all. But which one sucked the least (or the most) for you? Was it Morgan Stanley’s happy, jolly, high-fivey approach? Or Goldman’s no bullshit; we take care of things avenue you liked?

JP Morgan’s a riot if you ask me.

 

Goldman Sachs OPERATIONS favorite quotes:

"I am challenged every day."

"Without us there is no business."

"We have operations sitting in the middle of it all."

"There are traders, investment bankers, and we are their partners."

And of course, the best one of all

"My traders call me up on a daily basis and ask "what does this mean I don't get what this means can you help me?"

I spilled coffee all over my desk laughing thinking about the great Orc traders of GS calling up their operation desks asking for HALPZ, HOW R U SETTLING DIS TRADE? ITS SO MAGICAL, OMG U GUIZ R GENIUSES.

I believe it is more like

"What the FUCK does this mean you pressed the wrong button? I don't get what the fuck you idiots are doing. Can you HELP me understand why you're still alive?"

 
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If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

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