Be Careful what you write to HR (Real Life Example)
Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - this post originally went up March 2008
"Go all the way down to the beginning"
From: ****, *****
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 4:12 PM
To: ****, ***
Subject: RE: Help
This is how I would respond
Dear ***
When is KPMG going paperless? I don’t know but I hope soon. Earlier this year I was flipping through some work papers and I got a nasty paper cut. The cut caused me to bleed all over the general ledger. We didn’t get it electronically because unbeknownst to KPMG, typewriters don’t receive electronic mail messages, so I had to ask the client for another one. Well let me tell you, the client was so angry at the request, not to mention the bloodshed, that he went to his boss, who went to the CFO, who went to the audit committee, and they dropped us as auditors mad fast. When this happened the partner was so angry that we lost the client he made me work for 27 days straight. I didn’t mind these hours because this was half of the hours I was working during busy season and the people I was working with were great, when they weren’t yelling at me, and fun to be around, in-between the games of who can hit me in the eye with a paperclip the most times in a minute. And flexibility; are you kidding? The team was totally flexible on when I could take my one personal phone call and two bathroom breaks. They would even let me combine two of them for an extra long break. You would be surprised at how much you could get done in 10 minutes. KPMG has great Mothers-in the workplace program. In fact it’s so great that even though I’m a guy I wish I could be a part of it. And whoever told you that 1-5 years is “as long as they want” was totally mistaken. I heard of this one girl who worked at KPMG and she had kids when she was 25 and didn’t return until she was 55. KPMG was so excited to have her back after missing her for 30 years that they immediately promoted her to partner. Also I don’t know where you heard that KPMG was the bottom of the big four, but remember if you start from the bottom the only way you can go is up! In closing, I might not have answered all of your questions but with the information I have provided I am confident you will make the right decision.
Can’t wait to work with you!
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From: ***
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:59 PM
To: *****
Subject: FW: Help
Read from the bottom up. It's hilarious.
From: ****
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 1:53 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
** | Audit Associate
KPMG LLP |303 E. Wacker Dr. Chicago, IL 60601
Office: 312.665.5219 | Mobile: 502.727.3405 | Fax: 312.277.3896
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:23 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Read from the bottom up!
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 12:46 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Seriously, this is too ridiculous NOT to pass on…..p.s. send this to Trey cuz I lost his email….
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:45 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
I am embarrassed to say I went to school with this girl……
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:34 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
Read from bottom up
*
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:27 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
I’m sure you’ve already seen this. If not read on………….
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:17 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 11:10 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
You may have already seen this but it’s hilarious.
Start from the very bottom of the email.
*
KPMG LLP
Senior Associate
*
From:*
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 10:29 AM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
*
Senior Associate - Audit and Risk Advisory Service
KPMG LLP
*
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:30 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
See what Dean said.
*
ph - (214) 840-4273
fax - (214) 594-7282
From: *
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:21 AM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
For your amusement. Start at the bottom.
*
From: W*
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 5:45 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
*
I volunteer Nick to infiltrate D&T for recruiting because he looks 12. Also, once he finds out who is trash-talking us, he could easily 'eliminate' the problem.
p.s. The best question is: 4. Do you feel like KPMG's lack of technology is slowing down your development and progress in your career? My response: Absolutely. The use of morse-code telephones, word processors and telegraphs is a hinderance to my auditing ability. My developement has suffered too - I cannot speak in full sentences, have forgotten my colors, and can no longer put shapes into their apporpriate slots. My career has suffered as well. After looking around for another job, I am only eligible for jobs at Taco Bell and McDonald's because they have an automated beeper when to take the fries out. I don't know how to use this thing called a telephone, and is there a little man living inside, what people refer to as, a "computer"?
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
*
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:51 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
That is pretty hilarious. Every 3rd business day. Tell her we also run a plow from the back of a mule and shit in an outhouse when nature calls. See if she has 40 questions about that.
I feel sorry for the company she works for because she sounds like she would be making up excuses for needing to leave early from Day 1 of her career and also what kind of bullcrap is Deloitte telling people?
Seriously.
Maybe I could go through recruiting again and go through D&T to see what all is being said over there. Tape record it or something.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
Fax: *
*
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:08 PM
To: *Subject: RE: Help
I am crying over your response
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 3:01 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Recruiting should reply in 3 days, saying that they are sorry for the delayed response - the electricity in the building only works every third business day,otherwise, we work by candle using a quill.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
*
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:39 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Agreed…we don’t want her
From:*
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:36 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Obviously, I didn't respond, but seriously - does she think we use abacuses and take The Flintstone's car to work? Going paper-less...she's an idiot - she should work for DT.
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:24 PM
To:
Subject: RE: Help
Don’t you dare…
Recruiting has put formal response together and sent them to her
I just think if she is high maintenance, then we don’t want her anyways
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:19 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
Don't worry, Nick, I am responding appropriately as we speak.
*
Senior Associate
KPMG LLP
phone: *
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:16 PM
To: *
Subject: RE: Help
I want to help find out who told her all of that bullsh*t…
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 2:09 PM
To: *
Subject: FW: Help
A recruit wanted to ask someone questions about being in the Dallas office…she is having a hard time deciding between D&T and KPMG…see her questions below
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 1:02 PM
To: *
Subject: Help
See Below
From: *
Sent: Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:49 AM
To: *
Subject: KPMG Questions
*,
Thank you for letting me e-mail you. Staci has been very helpful with my questions about KPMG, but I was wanting an opinion from someone currently working for the firm. I am having a hard time deciding on who to go to work for in Dallas. I am getting a lot of fluff answers from recruiters. Is it okay if you give me the true scoop on how it is working for unnessary? The following are very important questions to me:
-
What is KPMG's policy on flex-time/part-time? When would I qualify?
-
Does KPMG have a Woman's Initiative Program/Working Mothers Program? Deloitte has a program in place that allows women to leave the workforce for as long as they want (1-5 years) and still be able to hold their position within the firm. When they come back, they can decide if they want to work part-time or flex-time and progress within the firm that way. Deloitte would sometimes even let you work at home. Does KPMG have the same fort of program?
-
When is KPMG going to go entirely paper-less?
-
Do you feel like KPMG's lack of technology is slowing down your development and progress in your career?
-
I have heard that KPMG is at the bottom of the Big 4 and might be fading away after the controversy a couple of years back. I have also heard that KPMG is losing their clients like mad due to excessive and unnecessary fees from lack of technology among other things. What are your thoughts on these comment?
-
What did you like most about working in the KPMG Dallas office? The people? The hours?
-
Could you tell me again about how many hours a week you worked during busy season?
-
How many hours a week you worked the rest of the year at KPMG?
-
What is KPMG's employee turnover rate?
Thanks!
*
hilarious, what an idiot.
Her letter was poorly phrased and guaranteed to elicit a negative response. However, she did have a very valid point. These days, KPMG's reputation is a bit stinky.
The person who forwarded the email from KPMG to others should definately be fired.
I hope numerous KPMG 'potential' recruits see what kind of firm they're going to work for.
The funniest thing about this email is how unfunny the responses are, and the fact that a bunch of tool auditors thought they were Jerry Seinfeld.
Makes me glad I'm not an accountant.
this young woman is clearly retarded.
in other words, she would make a great accountant.
I read this yesterday and been meaning to post an apply.
Maybe I'm not getting it. What is so funny about this email chain? The UG girl was a bit naive and asked some off the wall questions. But the responses were lame. I find it more annoying how condensing these accountants at KPMG were. It's KPMG auditing, OMG, get out. Their responses were so lame, they spent so much time passing this to each other via internal email. The people who thought this was the most hilarious things are either UG Sophomores and/or aspiring accountants.
Ok the questions will not the brightest thing to ask before starting at a company. Fine, she's naive and maybe quite inexperienced. What is this, shyt about her not ever being able to get another job. "i think her career is over" ... So her career is over because of this 10 email questions?! This isn't some Jeffery Chiang, lying about how he has this offer or that. Or the recruiting video from Alex Vayner, now that was Epic. This is just a bad move by a naive girl.
I hope the immature people at KPMG gets canned for this. Talk about ruining the reputation of your firm further. The reposes were lame, the people were lamer, and the amount of attention this got was the lamest.
The woman who sent the email seeking advice from an insider is a novice unlike the KPMG folks who forwarded the email off to just about everyone for shits and giggles. The folks at KPMG are supposed to be professionals who carry themselves a certain way and are an embodiment of the firms core values.
Despite the lack of tact by the woman seeking advice, KPMG staff should have handled this as per protocol by getting HR/recruitment team involved and leaving them to determine the best way to respond. By forwarding this email off I'm sure they violated company policy regarding email not to mention their code of conduct.
Also before anyone says I should lighten up...you're a goddamn professional! Behavior such as the one demonstrated by KPMG staff is what college kids do not Senior Associates. As mentioned by others I'm sure every single person positing has looked like a complete fool in front of managers, recruiters among others before so don't act like you are somehow above the woman who sent this email out.