Tips to stop chasing prestige (and be grateful)?
Hi all,
Non-diversity at a semi-target who recently received a SA 2023 offer. Obviously very grateful to have made it this far, least of all a job that guarantees six digits out of undergrad. However, its not an EB/BB and gets regularly shit on on this forum and by ppl at my college. I understand how ridiculous this sentiment is, but it still makes it difficult for me to celebrate the work I've put in. I feel ashamed to tell my recruiting buddies about it, considering 90% of them landed much more respectable offers.
I'd like to know how someone in my position (understandably young and clueless) can get over the need for social validation. Would love to hear from those that didn't end up where they wanted to be / underperformed relative to peers, but found ways to overcome their insecurities
I honestly think these types of insecurities can't be resolved overnight. Eventually, as you mature, I believe you'll get over it when you realize it's just a first job and most likely won't be the ultimate driver of your fulfillment in life. And although a great career can be fulfilling, your first junior role is just the start of a long journey and the brand name of your first job will matter less and less as you become more senior. What will matter will be your competence, industriousness, diligence, will-power, etc. over a 30 year or so stretch. Somewhat of an example is the fact that some non-target kids out-perform ivy-league kids on the job. I.E. there will always be run-way to prove yourself over the years if you work hard enough.
My time as an analyst in a BB was a lot of rote boring work, late nights, a bad social life, high stress, etc. Wasn't flashy and I'm sure analysts at MM banks had a somewhat similar experience with similar pay maybe working on slightly smaller deals.
People also don't really give that much of a shit where you work. Name-dropping a BB won't make women's panties drop (unless they're awfully shallow) or make people worship you. Most people don't care and even if you do get some validation from time to time, it only feels kinda good the first 2-3 times. Then, not really once you realize vapid validation won't improve your life. What will are health, wealth, family, friends, hobbies, an interesting career. Concrete stuff, not some random guy or clueless college undergrad stroking your ego for 2 seconds.
P.S. take a second to look at all the people struggling out there and realize what an opportunity you have vs the median American earning 30k per year. Corny but I think the top 1% tend to look up in frustration and envy at the top 0.1% without ever looking down at the massive 99% below them.
First try to ask yourself why you care so much about prestige. Really be true with yourself as to why.
Once you have your answer, perhaps it’s for social validation as you mentioned above, then ask yourself why that matters to you personally, and why you need to have it.
Then, ask yourself why the above matters to you, and why you need that, and keep asking why and why. Perhaps at some point, you may learn something about the way you view yourself, the world around you or alter your sentiment towards prestige.
Just something to think about.
This ^. I also use this exercise when I have unresolved internal conflicts. I found this helpful in discovering the root issues or contributing factors to why I hold certain beliefs or opinions about various topics. Personally, I like to jot my thoughts and reflections on paper for coherence and would recommend this form of self-reflection to anyone.
There have been some great pieces of advice here.
My advice is to also look into developing yourself outside of your career. While it might be sacrilegious to state on an IB forum like this, you should always remember that you work to live, not live to work.
I find that when I am building something with more tangible progress milestones, I feel better. I have read books about MD's who have hobbies of building motorcycles, heard stories about David Solomon night-lighting as a DJ, and many analysts love the active lifestyle of endurance and strength training. Find your hobby, and don't be too hard on yourself!
As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. Once you actually hit the desk, you realize that nobody cares about this bullshit prestige shit besides college kids who relied on GPA and SAT scores or their uni to source their self-esteem. At the end of day, you are still collecting a check from someone else every other week. That is not nor ever will be prestigious.
Here’s what’s gonna happen - eventually you’ll fall and face a huge hurdle in life, as we all do. You’ll be stuck down and out and trying to figure out what to do. In that time at the bottom you’ll naturally think about work, friends, family, health, and which of it all has been true in life. The longer you spend at the bottom before clawing yourself back up the more genuine you’ll become. Your desire for truth will grow and eventually you won’t give a fuck about the name of the bank that cuts the paycheck. You may even question the role itself. Is this really my dream? Am I happy in this role? What is my purpose in this life?
The longer you play the devils game of envy and superiority the harder the fall will be. And it’s in those falls that man is made. He either turns away from that attitude of being or doubles down and continues on his wicked ways.
You’ll find out what you’re really made of when you have nothing and everything seems to be falling apart.
Good luck