Does anyone here know how to maintain a LDR while working in banking?
Need tips. This stuff is hard...
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Ah, the classic tale of juggling a long-distance relationship (LDR) with the demanding hours of investment banking. Here's some wisdom from the jungle of Wall Street Oasis:
Communication is Key: Be upfront about your demanding schedule. Have an honest conversation about the times you might have to cancel plans or miss calls. Establish an understanding that there will be periods where you're fully absorbed in work, maybe even come up with a code phrase like "I'm in the tunnel" to signal those times.
Be Present: When you do have time for your partner, make it count. Quality over quantity can go a long way. Ensure that the time you spend together, even if it's just a phone call, is meaningful and distraction-free.
Matching Lifestyles: Some have found that being in a relationship with someone in a similarly demanding profession, like another banker or a consultant, can lead to mutual understanding and patience with each other's schedules.
Set Expectations: It's important to manage expectations on both sides. If both partners are aware of the constraints and still choose to commit, it can work out.
Support System: Having a strong support system is crucial. This can include friends, family, or even colleagues who understand what you're going through.
Prioritize and Plan: Make the most of your time off. Plan visits and vacations well in advance, and try to stick to them as much as possible.
Remember, it's not just about surviving the LDR but also ensuring both you and your partner find happiness and fulfillment in the relationship despite the distance and demanding careers.
Sources: IB + Long Distance Relationship, ~3 months in. I really want to quit banking. What should I do?, I hate banking, what to do?, Old habits die hard
Maintaining a long-distance relationship (LDR) while working in investment banking (IB) can indeed be challenging due to the demanding nature of the job. Here are some tips based on the WSO content that might help:
Communication is Key: Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the demands of your job. Discuss how your hours might affect your relationship and establish expectations.
Set Boundaries: Use a phrase like "I'm in the tunnel" to indicate to your partner that you're in a period of intense focus and might not be able to communicate as frequently.
Be Present: When you do have time with your partner, make sure to be fully present. Avoid constant cancelling and try to keep your commitments as much as possible.
Understand Each Other's Schedules: If your partner is also in a demanding job, they may be more understanding of your schedule. Mutual understanding can help ease the strain on the relationship.
Leverage Technology: Use technology to stay connected. Schedule regular calls or video chats when possible and send messages to keep in touch throughout the day.
Plan Visits: Try to plan visits in advance and make the most of the time you have together. Bring your laptop if you must work, but ensure you also dedicate quality time to your partner.
Support System: Surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, or colleagues who understand what you're going through. This can help you manage the stress of both work and maintaining an LDR.
Evaluate Priorities: Reflect on what's truly important to you and whether the relationship is worth the extra effort. Both partners need to be equally committed for an LDR to work, especially in high-pressure careers like IB.
Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It's important to find a balance that suits both you and your partner.
Sources: IB + Long Distance Relationship, ~3 months in. I really want to quit banking. What should I do?, I hate banking, what to do?, Old habits die hard, Can IB Analysts Have Girlfriends?
I almost made it work. Was flying her up to me 2x a month and flew to her for long weekends. I think the only way to make it work is to already have a high-trust relationship with a naturally secure woman. If she has any anxious-attachment characteristics I wouldn’t bother. She also needs to have a strong friend group where she lives, a job that keeps her busy, and family nearby. Lacking any one of those things will make it more difficult. The last thing you want is for her to be alone, bored, or isolated. I will emphasize that long distance is hella difficult and should only be dealt with for the love of your life, a woman you know you need to marry. You also need a solid end date when you will live in the same city. Without that to look forward to it’s nearly futile. Best of luck man. If she’s worth it it’s worth it.
Source: lost three long term relationships after they became long distance
What made you want to pursue the last 2 LDR's even after the failure of the first?
Yeah definitely wouldn’t have pursued either if I knew it would turn out that way. Both times I met the girl and started dating during college without knowing where we would need to be after graduation. Just got unlucky with the second girl moving back home around COVID and the third girl needing to move far for her job.
All my girlfriends basically have moved away lol. Have done (me/her): LA/DC, LA/London, LA/Utah, SF/LA, and NYC/BOS across three women. The London time difference was by far the worst but LA/SF was the most stressful because of the pressure to fly often. NYC girls only from now on …
Best case scenario: she is also in banking or another very demanding role like medicine.
Why? So you rarely gotta see her?
I’ve found that girls with too much time on their hands cause excessive drama. If she is keeping busy, all is good.
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