Wall Street Douche Bags; Now In A Theater Near You

Why is it that every portrayal of a Wall Streeter in mainstream media – from the infamous Gordon Gekko to the impotent David Kaplan (HBO’s ‘How To Make It In America’) – is more douche-tastic than the one that preceded it? Circle the correct answer:

  1. Hollywood hates Wall Street. The movie industry’s blind opposition to the idea of box-office futures exchanges ala Cantor Futures Exchange and Trend Exchange is further evidence of this. Right brains and left brains just don’t mesh.

  2. America hates Wall Street. Popular portrayals of finance types simply reflect that animosity. If you want to make a lot of money you have to expect that kind of backlash from the less fortunate/less ambitious/less capable when things get a bit rocky.

  3. Wall Streeters are douche bags. This industry attracts the most superficial, materialistic and emotionally empty people on the planet, and fills them with an inflated sense of self worth. All Wall Streeters are douche bags of colossal proportions simply by the nature of that process.

  4. None of the above. I have a better answer than all others – such is my douchebaggery.

 

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Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark.
 

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