Something I've been thinking a lot about recently is if I have (or if I can develop) the mental "it factor" that I see among so many of the top VPs, Principals, and Partners at my firm and others. I'm not talking about internal drive or ability to multiply three digit numbers in your head, but rather the intangibles that make certain individuals operate on a seemingly higher level than everyone else. These are the attributes that are hard to describe but are synonymous with being "impressive" or a "winner". I notice these traits among people who have been successful at various firms and believe there must be a way to define the "package" and a route to develop and hone these skills.
Like I said, these are more "know it when you see it" traits, but I'l try to list a few examples of what I'm referring to:
- Constant calmness and stoicism in high pressure, intense situations
- Supreme and unwavering self-confidence in everything
- Ability to extract the information one wants out of someone / ability to place thoughts in others minds without them realizing it (Note: some could classify this as the ability to manipulate)
- Political prowess (specifically related to workplace or social politics)
- Ability to read a situation and display the "right" reaction or emotion on demand (incredibly high EQ)
Now I was a D1 athlete, won academic awards in college, was a top banking analyst, and have gotten great reviews in my current PE gig at a larger UMM firm, but I just can't shake the feeling that I am missing a piece of the mental package and am tripping over myself trying to figure out how to develop this as quickly as possible. I figured it would be worth turning to the WSO community to see what others think on this topic, what attributes you think put someone on "another level", and what routes one could take to try and develop these traits.
Finally, before people start down the path of "just believe in yourself" or "just work hard" - I view these as basic table stakes and I believe I have these boxes checked. What I'm trying to get at is the second-order mental traits that take high performers and put them on another level.
Thanks for your input!
Experience and exposure to high-pressure situations, in addition to a track record of success in dealing with these situations is probably what develops the kind of unwavering confidence that you're thinking about. Also having the ability to quickly develop some kind of mental framework to work through the problem helps you remain calm as at least you will be actively trying to solve the problem rather than dwelling on how hard it is.
Mental strength is a big one too. Being able to differentiate between what's truly under your control and what isn't. This sounds simple but there are actually a lot of things that we have control over even if they are not immediately discernible. In essence, cover as many bases as it is humanly possible. Try to plan or at least think through every possible situation, all the way to the end. Taking ownership and responsibility for as much as you can.
Social skills and knowing power/influence dynamics is the big one for your last 3 points. These are (in my opinion) by and large the most important skills in business, certainly in relationship-driven industries like Finance. I get a feeling many big swinging dicks on Wall Street are naturally very adept with people, but for us that aren't, there are certainly many great resources out there to get a grasp on it, and ultimately then get out there and sharpen those skills through real-life practice.
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene cover everything I wrote about in this post plus a lot more. How to Win Friends by Carnegie is yet another classic that is worth mentioning. I am certainly not a big swinging dick PE partner myself but I've worked on my social skills a lot (I used to be pretty shy) and have actually gotten incredible changes applying these lessons.
There's more than one way to skin this cat. Here are a few observations I've made in my own journey:
There's a common theme that connects people that I find personally and professionally impressive: they have a philosophy or an ideology about how to approach life. Very rarely is that an ideology they've developed themselves. Some get it through their faith, or military experience, or athletics, or philosophical journeys, but there's some framework for how to deal with life and difficulty that they can fall back on in times of stress. I think Stoicism (the school of thought) is an excellent one for finding success as an investor - I might suggest "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday as an introduction.
You have to be careful with the supreme self-confidence. Rational self-confidence is good; it's evidence-based, and comes from knowing that you have the ability to make good decisions under pressure because a) you've done it before and b) the underlying actions are repeatable, so there's no reason to think you can't do it again. Irrational self-confidence is built on nothing but one's own invented perception of themselves; it can be a powerful tool (anyone watch the Fyre documentaries?) but can also lead to catastrophic failure (anyone watch the Fyre documentaries?).
I'm not sure I share the same enthusiasm for the political / manipulative points. I won't deny that sociopathy can be a precursor for success in highly competitive arenas, it's just not something I see as necessary (or preferable). I would say that the ability to read someone and tailor your articulation of an argument to make it easier for them personally to understand is a powerful communication tool, but I don't see that as manipulative. My political prowess is weak - I'm honest with people and up front with them, so I never have to carry the additional baggage of remembering who I told what when and what I said about someone to someone else. Maybe that will reduce my earning power over my lifetime, but I suspect I'll make up for it in better quality of life.
Thank you for the reply - helpful and insightful.
A few notes in response to your bullets:
Very much agree here. Having a default mental framework (or a few for varying situations) is incredibly important as it removes a lot of the initial floundering that can come when presented with a new problem. Being able to funnel a problem through a flow chart informed by logic and past experience allows successful people to focus on the broader themes or trends rather than the minute details of the issue at hand (said differently: they don't miss the forest for the trees). In my opinion, this comes with experience and thoughtful reflection on what has worked and what hasn't worked as well as what one has observed in others.
Maybe I chose the wrong word with "supreme" - 100% agree that one needs to be careful of teetering into displays of hubris when reminding oneself of real successes in the past during times of doubt. Something I struggle with here is "impostor syndrome" where I attribute real success to favorable circumstances and have to fight hard to give myself credit for W's. It seems like the most senior / successful folks around me know they controlled their own destiny. Any thoughts on practicing getting out of one's own way in giving yourself the credit you deserve?
Didn't mean to come off as enthusiastic about manipulative techniques in the workplace - More an objective observation that the most successful folks (at least at my current and past firms) have displayed great strength in these areas. Political prowess isn't a strong suit for me either and I personally don't like that style, but I also recognize that preference and reality don't always line up, so it's important to at least be aware of how to interact and compete with people in this manner. It is encouraging, however, to hear that you have been able to find success with a style very much akin to my personal style.
This is an interesting topic, and a quality that I wondered about earlier in my career, especially during my brief stint in PE, and ultimately one reason I decided to transition my career to Asset Mgt and HF worlds where I believed (erroneously) this quality mattered less to professional success. I don't have any great answers, and by virtue of the fact that you (and I) are discussing it in an online forum probably means we don't really innately have "it" but we do "know it when we see it". It's the rare person that has both an extremely high IQ and EQ. An ability to sell yourself, your ideas, and relate with anyone. It has this virtuous circle positive feedback loop which builds supreme confidence.
B School for me was one way to vastly improve myself in that area, but ultimately in my career I saw the writing on the wall (or was shown it) and decided I would never win the political game in high finance. So I stopped caring and became an entrepreneur, to be forced to create my own value, and to do it completely "my way". This has helped me progress more than I would have imagined. I got out of my comfort zone and put myself out there to fail, to REALLY fail. I'd bet that most people like yourself who are still firmly "on track" have yet to really experience this. At some point, we all do, and the sooner the better, in my opinion.
The social skills piece is critical and, I feel by far the most important for long term success. We all know leaders in various positions / companies that you and many others just want to be around. They light up the room. That light comes from a combination of confidence (not cockiness), ease / calmness, experience, empathy. They're not necessarily the funniest guy/gal in the room but they know how to handle themselves in virtually every situation.
I've had many dinners with F100 CFOs, Law Partners, Multi millionaires that DON'T have it. In fact, some I think are jerks and wonder how they got where they got. But every now and then you get to spend time with a gem. They may not even be the most successful one in the room (although usually they're wildly successful) but they just "Get It!".
I have a good friend like this. He's just an amazing person. Unassuming, generous (would literally give you the shirt off his back), brilliant and very effective in the board room. A lot of it has to do with natural ability / disposition / personality. I truly believe you can improve anything, but you can't become something you're not (deep down in your core).
I watch a lot of baseball. At every level, you can coach and train (via mechanics, strength, flexibility) up a player to gain several MPH on his fastball, take a better route to the ball at SS. That said the great ones have a natural lightening bolt of an arm or just know how to read every hop in the field. They make it look so smooth. You can't teach that. You can improve what you have, but that natural ability is just that, natural.
I've never heard of it called the "it" factor so I'll just make some random comments that I think have helped me and could possibly help you
confidence - this comes from repetitions. I am constantly afraid of failure, but I never show it when I'm presenting to someone. this applies to PWM, sales, presenting to a board, C-suite, etc., your first one will have you considering a diaper because you might actually shit your pants. the 100th one? you're moreso just trying to pick one or two nuggets that you think will close the deal. success breeds success, the best teacher is experience in my opinion
poise - I am a HUGE believer in steven covey's idea of sharpening the saw. something about if you are given 10 hours to cut down a tree you spend 9 hours sharpening the saw. I have a playful self deprecating internal dialogue almost daily "you're not good enough, you can get better, this sucks that sucks, start over, work harder," and if you're always trying to get better, often times you will go into things with poise. you prepare, maybe overly so, you have experience, and you're not cocky because you always realize you could get better.
workplace politics - I don't play them, my value system won't let me. I don't ogle at women around the office, I don't make inappropriate comments, I don't go behind people's backs, I don't say anything or write anything on corporate communications that I wouldn't mind having read back to me by a manager, regulator, or attorney. I personally think these Machiavellian games are unnecessary if you produce for the firm, don't sugarcoat, are candid, and don't create drama. I'd recommend everyone abide by a value system rather than just simply worrying about "winning" or playing workplace politics. I've found that getting better at your craft is infinitely more productive than becoming a master of workplace politics.
EQ - I'm always working on this, but again repetition helps
in closing, I think much of your personal growth and "it" factor can come from curiosity. not just on WSO, but in life, I've noticed a tremendously low level of curiosity in general. I think people in general are good, but I also think in general they're lazy and not curious (maybe 70-80%). too often do I see people wanting a formula for how to achieve something and then expecting that the same formula that got them a job, into college, an internship, etc., works in career advancement. I'm well aware of structured recruitment programs and MBA admissions, I'm not talking about that. I'm saying that the thought process that gets you those opps isn't the same one that gets you to VP. you have to be curious. you have to look at things not as they are, but how they could be. you have to think like a contrarian. you have to care more about results than process.
TLDR - get at-bats, be curious, always try to sharpen the saw
When I was younger, I would be somewhat nervous when talking to highly attractive women and would question myself regarding what I said or how I acted. I would always be impressed by older CHADs that seemed to have similar traits to what you described.
Fast forward 8 years and 50+ girls later and I feel very comfortable talking to all types of women and I am very confident in my ability to bring them back to my place. I've encountered the same type of situation countless times and I am much more calm and in control.
Im still fairly junior in the private equity industry, but I suspect the same applies to deals and high pressure situations. The more of them you see and the more of them you close, the better you become overall at reacting to the said situations.
Weird flex but ok
Im overcompensating for my smaller than average manhood. SB for your name my dude.
One thing that I would add to this discussion - from my personal experience, those that question themselves in this area the most are usually the strongest performers. Said another way, the intelligence to believe a "deficit" exists and the drive to constantly improve it are the most important attributes you can possess. Many of the strongest performers at my firm who an outsider would view as possessing your "know it when you see it" traits would likely confess to their closest friends/colleagues over a few beers that they have a healthy dose of doubt about their abilities in these areas. If you look at comments from other senior professionals like Layne Staley and thebrofessor , you'll see this is a common theme. Just my two cents, but just because you feel like you don't have "it", doesn't mean others don't perceive that in you.
Damn, some of these comments are really cringe-inducing.