Roast my Cover Letter
Here is the content: Should I use bullet points as I do? Any other thoughts?
To Whom It May Concern:
I am excited to apply for an investment banking internship at (X Bank) . After researching the firm and the role, I am confident that my academic background and extracurricular experiences have equipped me with the skills and qualities needed to succeed in this position.
• Passion for Finance: During my internship at (Redacted), I worked closely with senior wealth managers to design and manage investment portfolios tailored to client objectives and risk profiles. My work included conducting detailed financial analysis in Excel, engaging in sector-specific research using tools like Bloomberg Terminal, and evaluating portfolio risk. This experience honed my financial modeling skills, attention to detail, and ability to deliver under tight time constraints.
• Analytical Skills: Beyond internships, I have developed a proprietary quantitative trading system for (redacted), consistently outperforming industry benchmarks. This involved developing proprietary models, adapting to evolving macroeconomic conditions, and incorporating diverse strategies. This experience has sharpened my ability to analyze complex financial data, conduct financial modeling, and evaluate market dynamics.
• Leadership and Teamwork Skills: Furthermore, through my lifelong involvement in competitive sports and my leadership of the (Redacted) Initiative, I have developed strong teamwork, project management, and adaptability skills. Facing challenges such as project setbacks and sports injuries has taught me resilience, enabling me to view obstacles as opportunities for growth and continuous improvement—qualities that will translate well into the dynamic and fast-paced environment of investment banking.
I am confident that my passion for finance, strong analytical and teamwork skills, along with my academic and professional experience, will allow me to excel as an intern at (X Bank). Enclosed is my resume, which provides further insight into my qualifications, skill sets, and experience. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Would definitely remove the bullet points in a cover letter. You should introduce yourself in the first paragraph—major, school, etc. You should start off early with a really quick line as to why you're interested in this specific bank or role, like a thesis, and then have the paragraphs below that support it.
You should also be sure to include a paragraph early on about the people you've networked with, what you've learned about the firm specifically, etc. You should also be more specific on what exactly you did and what impact it had. You don't explain any specific techniques or how well they worked so it's hard to tell what you've actually done.
Thanks for the feedback. I included a line about why myself per your advice. However, the WSO cover letter guide advises to keep it short and sweet and never be long and I’m worried that if I add the details you suggest, I can get dinged for that as WSO says that above 2-3 paragraphs can make u get rejected and that the CL isn’t important but is just a check box. Also, isn’t the resume for all the specifics and details? In light of that, can I afford to not incorporate the rest of your advice and even shorten it further?
You can combine the first and second points. Yes the resume is for specifics but that doesn't mean the cover letter can be vague to the point where I don't know what you did at all. Focus more on how you learned the techniques, refined them, what you learned from them.
The cover letter should be max a page. You can have an intro paragraph about you, why the job, why the firm. Two paragraphs on relevant experiences, skills => focus on what you learned and how you're looking to build on it. And then wrap up with a sentence thanking them etc.
Thank you so much for your help. It’s really appreciated. Is this better? Is this at least passable? I heard if it’s passable, then it wont negatively affect the application.
Dear Hiring Manager,
My name is (name), and I am a (school name) student majoring in (major). I am excited to apply for an investment banking internship at Deutsche Bank. I am particularly drawn to Deutsche Bank due to its strong global presence, which offers unique opportunities to engage with diverse markets and drive impactful financial solutions on an international scale. My experience in financial analysis, portfolio management, and developing a proprietary trading system has deepened my interest in the dynamic world of investment banking, where I can apply my strong analytical skills to drive impactful financial solutions and work on high-stakes transactions. After researching the firm and the role, I am confident that my academic background and extracurricular experiences have equipped me with the skills and qualities needed to succeed in this position.
I have interned at (top BB) Wealth Management, where I collaborated closely with senior wealth managers to design and manage investment portfolios tailored to client objectives and risk profiles using software like Alladin and conducting equity research using tools like Bloomberg Terminal. This experience allowed me to develop strong teamwork skills and sharpened my financial knowledge. Additionally, I created a proprietary quantitative trading system for ETFs and small- and mid-cap equities that identifies equity mispricing relative to the specific sector and consistently outperformed industry benchmarks. By doing this, my analytical skills and market knowledge were enhanced. I also led the Southeastern Urban Lighting Policy Initiative, where I conducted in depth research on the correlation between crime and street lighting, testified before governmental officials and committees, and was appointed to a (city name) governmental committee on street lighting. Due to my efforts, there was an increase in governmental support for additional lighting installations to help reduce crime in (2 cities names), and my leadership skills developed greatly.
I am confident that my passion for finance, strong analytical, teamwork, and leadership skills, along with my academic and professional experience, will allow me to excel as an intern at Deutsche Bank. Enclosed is my resume, which provides further insight into my qualifications, skill sets, and experience. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely
I think it's definitely much better, I would consider making the Southeastern Urban thing a new paragraph—it can be short. It just feels a little odd tacked on to the end of the prior one. You'll still be at 3 paragraphs in that case if you're sticking to the WSO guidelines.
I would do a little word trimming on the first paragraph—content is fine but you can be a little concise. Also your reasons per bank should include unique details that you picked up from talking to people, but this reads fine for the average firm.
Sounds generic, have you tried showing it to ChatGPT to dumb it down a bit
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