Public Sector Union School

Introducing public sector union school! After this very non-intensive two year program you will have mastered the art of getting paid more than top engineers and neurosurgeons to sit on your ass and talk with exceptional rudeness to anyone who intrudes on your right to hold up the world. After two years of intensive sitting, in which you are prohibited from educating yourself, exercising, or producing anything of value, you will be awarded the prestigious MPE (Master's in Public Embezzlement) degree, and will have mastered such vital skills as:

-Shuffling papers -Exceeding already excessive wait times -Condescension -Group anonymity -Criminal abuse of merit pay -Taking 250 sick days per year -Taking 60 federal holidays per year -Taking 54 paid vacation days per year -Retiring at age 40 -Working 1 hour per day -Lobbying for higher pensions -Lobbying for less accountability -Lobbying for less hours -Exacerbating the problems your organization is meant to solve, thereby increasing the scope and power of your organization

Our professors are some of the laziest, most overpaid union employees we could get our hands on, and can teach (by example) the fine art of emptying the public coffers to not do shit. For this reason, our graduates are very lackadaisically pursued by some of the most enigmatic, overpaid unions in the country, such as:

The Federal Transportation Commission The EPA The Federal Aviation Commission FEMA The Food & Drug Administration

and many more!

Our graduates can expect salaries upon graduation well into the $200,000s with no technical expertise, experience, or intelligence necessary, not including pensions worth as much as $100,000 annually. Plus, not a single one of our graduates has every lost their job for non-performance!

Admissions to the program are highly selective, and require the personal, verbal endorsement of a member of the United States Congress. Apply today!