Convince GF to pursue different career?

username567's picture
Rank: Baboon | 122

I'm going into IB and my girlfriend is set on pursuing something in theatre. Realistically speaking, it's hard to find a theatre job let alone a well paid one. With the lasting effects of COVID on top of it, I just don't think it's a very logical career path. How do I talk her out of it? We want to be in NYC after graduation and it's obviously going to be expensive if we want to enjoy ourselves. Help what do I do? (we are both women)

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  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Jul 13, 2020

you dump her

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  • VP in IB-M&A
Jul 13, 2020
username567:

I just don't think it's a very logical career path.

What would you say is a "logical" career path for her?

Most Helpful
Jul 13, 2020

Screw logic - do what excites you. If she's passionate about theatre she should pursue it. If she succeeds, awesome. If not, she'll have tangible evidence that it's not the right path and will pursue something else. Telling people to do something very rarely works out - people learn through experiencing things firsthand. Plus, she won't resent you for convincing her to not pursue her passion. She'll appreciate you for giving her the latitude to try (and potentially fail).

    • 47
Jul 13, 2020

Agree. Also, at this point in your lives - early 20s - you have SO MUCH latitude to take risks. If she's interested in theatre, now is the time to pursue it. If it doesn't work out, she can always pivot in 1-2Y (get a different job in a new industry or go back to grad school), with essentially zero harm done. This is why people do things like PeaceCorps for a few years in their 20s. Why not?

So: what do YOU do? I would have an open and honest conversation with your gf. Share your concerns with her (they sound like they are financial but also maybe you question how practically-minded she is, which might raise bigger concerns about your ultimate compatibility). "I am worried that if we are both living in New York, it's going to be expensive, and I am worried about having to bear more of that burden for us as a couple." (or whatever your concerns are). I think you can ask to have an open discussion on how you are going to split costs in a way that feels fair to both people. Maybe more importantly, you can also be honest that you are worried for her from a career-security perspective, especially in the current climate. But don't pressure her - simply ASK HER what she is thinking (what are her motivations, justifications, and aspirations for pursuing theater) and primarily LISTEN. She could use your support in thinking everything through in a balanced way.

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Jul 14, 2020
username567:

I just don't think it's a very logical career path. How do I talk her out of it?

You don't. You either accept who she is or you move on without her.

Talking someone out of their dream is a terrible, terrible idea. Even if you succeed, you lose.

    • 8
Jul 14, 2020

^^ This. If you think you're ever going to change anyone else's mind about something, particularly a long-held belief, you're actively practicing self delusion. You will need to either be good with her choice and learn to live with it, or decide she's not the person you're going to marry. That said, nothing wrong with just dating and not making this a life-long commitment.

  • Investment Analyst in PE - Other
Jul 14, 2020

IB is a pretty "illogical" career path when you consider your hourly rate of pay and the mental, emotional and physical strain that results from it.

Maybe you should reconsider your career.

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Jul 15, 2020

Agreed. I fucking hate people on this forum. Sensitive, immature children. Thats the majority of bankers.

Jul 18, 2020

Then why are you even here

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Jul 14, 2020

Let me tell you an anecdote.

I know this person, an investment banker, who once bought a theatre as a young 20 something year old. He took on some debt doing this, but he had a passion for theatre supposedly.

What he ended up doing was a typical turnaround strategy. The theatre managers were too focused on performing what they liked and there was a huge mismatch with what the audience liked to see.

This person simply took over the management and structured the theatre programs around what the actors were most capable of and could bring more audience. Supposedly the guy sold it after couple years and made a pretty penny.

My point is that, in any career, if you're really good at it or have some sort of entrepreneurial knack, you can be successful. That's the best thing about capitalism.

Array

    • 2
Jul 14, 2020

Y'all are moving to NYC? I heard Broadway won't even be opening it's doors this fall / winter and possibly into the spring. So something to consider. That said, you really ought to support your GF in her professional endeavors, however difficult they may seem. I'd be less concerned about the odds of her breaking into her career of choice and more interested in whether or not she has the chops to grind and thrive within the ambiguity of it all.

    • 1
Jul 14, 2020

Personally I would never be able to date someone that does completely illogical things. One of the main reasons my current setup is good is because my long-term GF does not do anything dumb/stressful. She's really logical/calculated and good at dealing with the stuff I'm not good with. The older you get the more value you place on that, especially if you're in a high-stress line of work.

Jul 14, 2020

If she wants to study theatre then her family is insanely rich so you can get married just for that. If she studies theatre and she does not have an 8 figure inheritance from her dad then DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY.

Jul 14, 2020

Have her open an Only Fans account. You know, for her acting.

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Jul 14, 2020

i went to grade with someone who's actively pursuing acting (she's made it clear this was her calling since we were like 7 and she never backed down from it all these years later).

i was looking to give a shot at acting for a little bit to improve some speech skills and asked her to guide me to some resources. she showed me a group on social media who are all actors looking to break in and occasionally some actual talent managers like to chime into the group to guide the people there on the right path with navigating the industry.

one of the talent managers unironically talked about the possibility of opening an onlyfans for income. i've heard gossip about a lot of aspiring actors and people trying to break into hollywood opening onlyfans for both the income and following, but i figured it was just a rumor. i guess not.

it's a little sad to see to be honest

    • 1
Jul 14, 2020

She may have regrets if she doesn't follow her dreams. Live and learn.

Jul 14, 2020

don't be a douche bag. that's your tough an honest answer. for a guy pursuing the most lucrative career path in the world to say her job illogical is irrelevant. in comparison, diving into theater with true passion is much more logical then a path that accepts Harvard grads only and works you 100+ hours a week (let's not fail to mention missing valuable time with your GIRLFRIEND). This isn't the 1800's. she can make her own decisions

    • 2
Jul 15, 2020

I see ur point but just to clarify I'm also a girl. For some reason, I feel like this would be 10x worse if it were a guy lol.

    • 1
Jul 24, 2020

apologies for assuming, trying to break the stigma. my bad

Jul 15, 2020

everyone above is right. i don't see how this conflict wouldn't end your relationship. i mean just think about it logically from her pov. You are making double what the average graduate from a solid business school makes so its not like you'll be starving in the nyc metro. Plus she already has to put up with you being gone at work more than 98% of other professions. And that's totally aside from you trying to stop her from doing what seems to be a life passion.

Array

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  • Director in IB-M&A
Jul 15, 2020

You need a supportive gf. Just dumb her. She will basically drain your cash while complaining about how uncool is to work in banking. At early age, just focus on the job and get a casual gf. Or someone who is so busy with working that she doesn't have time to bother you. Or just get someone who has a stable income that you can rely on if you ends up losing your job suddenly. She doesn't seem to to fall into any of these categories.

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Jul 15, 2020

You're not her dad

Let her do what she wants or leave, you can't change people

Jul 15, 2020

But are you her daddy? ;)

Jul 19, 2020

daddy

Jul 15, 2020

How immature and controlling of you. If she enjoys theatre and wants to pursue, any mature person would've supported it. You don't deserve her. What if she told you she wanted you to quit and go to med school?

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Jul 15, 2020

okay the thing is , none of our families have money and pursing theatre is a pretty big financial risk when you're considering the statistical figures that's are out there. I grew up with my family constantly struggling to pay rent and debt payments. That being said, I have a bunch of student loans to pay off to I'm not going to be able to keep the both of us afloat in NYC if she's going to be pulling in 30k a year. I love my girlfriend and I wish we had the capacity for her to pursue her dreams with no backup plan, but if there's any slip up in my end if the career, we're both 100% screwed.

    • 1
Jul 15, 2020

I come from a similar family financial background as you and understand the stress of insecure income. I save plenty of money every month but it never feels like enough and money continues to be a source of unnecessary and irrational stress to me. Emphasis on the irrational part--I make more than the majority of people my age and more than the average NYer and I have to constantly remind myself of that.

Let's be clear: you will be fine. How much is your starting salary? At $85K (without bonus) you can afford to live alone in a studio or 1 bed in Astoria or western queen without tightening up your belt too much while still living <30min from Midtown. If your gf's salary is $30K, you'll be more than fine. You two won't be balling but you don't need to be at your age. Keeping both of you afloat will not be an issue at that salary. You'll be able to pay rent, pay off minimum for loans, and you'll always have food on the table (especially since you'll likely be eating a lot of seamless in the office anyway). People support entire families with household income of that size in NY.

Banking is for the risk averse and a very stable job. There's so much bloat at banks and so many people that should be fired that aren't. Those that get fired for "slip ups" are typically MDs. Junior bankers are kept around in times of crisis because the grunt work never stops and senior execs see the importance of keeping junior talent and avoiding the costs of hiring new headcount.

    • 3
Jul 15, 2020

your gf has more soul than u bbgurl
u jel jel jellyfishie?
u got no pashunz?
git sum pashunz and let juliet be

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 1
Jul 15, 2020
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Jul 16, 2020