FTB's Guide To Working Late and Raging Hard (At The Same Time)

Fear The Bulge's picture
Rank: King Kong | banana points 1,839

Man, it seems like there's nothing better than waiting until everyone's gone from the office for the night (we're talking the wee hours of the morning here folks, and we're not counting janitors as people) and doing lines off some prude bitch's desk while I undo a few buttons and Shake my Weight. Interpret that literally or figuratively, you'll be right either way. I've got work to do, but that doesn't mean I can't let out the beast as well.

I think I made it clear in my first ever post on here that I do my best raging alone at night. So I wanted to be sure to mention the essential activities I do to keep myself turned all the way up to 11 at all times. Because what the fuck else is there in life than working late and crushing everything in your path?

Bulge's Late Night Activity Bucket List Fuck It List

1. Shitpost On The Internet

Before you even get into "is that what's going on here?" let me stop you right there. Fuck no. My shit is quality, and if you feel differently you can GFY.

But what I highly suggest is getting on Reddit, finding some Tumblr SJW bullshit, and spamming those fat blue-haired teenage girls with Trump's Twitter best-ofs until they post pictures of themselves crying and holding up a sign with your username on it. Dedicate a good half hour to cross-platform aggression daily, and your rock hard veins will continue to bulge with testosterone and premature high blood pressure.

2. Stimulants

We've definitely been over this. A lot. I don't care what you like. If all it takes to get you jacked and ready to break shit is an iced double espresso then go for it, buddy. I suspect there are a hell of a lot more of us who like to combine nose beers, Adderall, preworkout, and whatever sample our "guy" is passing out that week. If you're not fully functional during your blackout state, you might as well be sleeping.

3. Adrenaline Boosters

That's what I call doing dangerous shit just to get that extra jolt of energy. For an extreme example, say you're in a k-hole, climbing the new World Trade Center with suction cups, and need to sober up immediately or face insurmountable legal consequences, you can just look down and notice that you're 200 feet above the ground. That should do it. Otherwise, if you're just tired at work, you can tilt back in your chair until you almost fall over or something.

Since I've already covered Woodford and Creatine, which you should be drinking like water daily, and the Shake Weight, I think I'll leave it at that.

(P.S. When I win the WSO election 2 or so weeks from now, I will accept the result fully, no recount necessary.)

Mod Note (Andy): Best of 2016, this post ranks #23 for the past year

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Comments (17)

Dec 5, 2016

"Reddit, finding some Tumblr SJW bullshit, and spamming those fat blue-haired teenage girls with Trump's Twitter best-ofs until they post pictures of themselves crying and holding up a sign with your username on it"

+1 from me sir

RIP LEHMAN
RIP MONACOMONKEY
RIP THEACCOUNTING MAJOR

    • 3
Dec 5, 2016

+1

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    • 4
Dec 6, 2016

He's back.

    • 1
Dec 6, 2016

Where are the strippers? SMH

Dec 6, 2016

Well fucking played. I needed this today.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

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Dec 6, 2016

+SB, great advice is great!

Dec 6, 2016

I appreciate this. I still hope I get a shake weight for Christmas.. btw, "go fuck yourself", really dude?. haha

Dec 6, 2016

+1

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Dec 6, 2016

Shit man. I shitpost on /r/wallstreetbets while closing deals at work.

    • 1
Dec 7, 2016

Hahahahaha

    • 1
Dec 8, 2016

I hate to be that social justice warrior but I believe the PC term for janitor is Hispanic.

Love your neighbor as yourself. The enemy is rarely the men in opposing uniforms.

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Best Response
Dec 14, 2016
JamesBeach007:

I hate to be that social justice warrior but I believe the PC term for janitor is Hispanic.

It's funny that people pick on hispanics. I am not hispanic myself, but when is the last time you saw one of them panhandling? All the homeless people that ask me for money seem to be white or black, whereas the hispanic janitors in my building literally work 2 full time shifts back to back and never bitch about it. I respect their grit.

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Dec 11, 2016

Quality advice man, do a lot of bankers actually smoke crack, take heroin and hard drugs or is it a myth?

Dec 14, 2016

I'm as conservative as fuck and look down on social justice warriors, but you are no less of similar ilk by looking down on janitors. Ain't funny kid, and lol at this being on the front page.

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Dec 15, 2016

Who is this fucking tool?

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Dec 31, 2016
Colombianmonkey:

Who is this fucking troll?

FTFY.

Dec 21, 2016
Comment
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