Woodford + Creatine = Greatness

Fear The Bulge's picture
Rank: King Kong | banana points 1,834

Story time. So last night I'm spinning my wheels in the wee hours, taking key bumps, waiting for pre-market. You know, usual weekday routine. I start clicking around WSJ and I see Shillary is leading in 4 key battleground states and that, combined with the coke, gets me mad. I almost reach for the 9 iron so I can give my desktop monitor the Office Space treatment. I stop when I see an alert on my phone from Robinhood (which, don't you dare tell my boss about that) telling me I've been flagged as a pattern day trader and I can either inject a shit ton of money into my account or basically fuck off. That's it. I decide to rage a little.

I mix some creatine into my Woodford Reserve and slam that shit. Break out the Shake Weight. Hell yes. For all you fuckers who hate on the Shake Weight, hate all you want, that thing gets results. I can channel my rage into pure unadulterated energy that will keep me going all week until I can crash into Bellevue on a Citi bike right after Friday close while having a mild "brain event." (They have a private room set aside for me in my father's name).

Fast forward to today and I feel like a king. So anyone out there who is working 90 hours a week and thinks they can't handle it, get out now, because this life is for BOSSES. Get on my train or get run over. Any time I have the jitters (because "depression" and "anxiety" are for liberals) I just remember how rich I'm going to be in 10 years and how much NYU ass I'm already getting Ubered to my building on a weekly basis.

Tonight I'm taking this girl I met on Tinder out. She's here on business from Kansas City or some shit, so literally all I have to do is take her to the Times Square Olive Garden and then home to pound town.

Actually, what's the worst? Olive Garden, Applebees, or TGI Fridays?

I'll let you know how it goes down.

Mod Note (Andy): Best of 2016, this post ranks #42 for the past year

Comments (25)

Jul 19, 2016

Applebees is by far the worst.

also:

    • 1
Jul 19, 2016

The madison square park shake shack is a panty dropper imo. In the case you're looking to be a bit casual.

Don't break yourself on the way to making yourself

Jul 21, 2016

Charlie Sheen-esque, +1

Jul 21, 2016

I got a spike in testosterone just from reading this

    • 3
Jul 21, 2016

I take the good ones to Cheesecake Factory.

    • 3
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Best Response
Jul 21, 2016

Halal Guys food cart makes those panties drop FAST. Of course, that is about 2 hours after the meal, once you digest the food.

    • 8
Jul 21, 2016

TGI's at Union Square...more centrally located

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Jul 21, 2016

Finally. A semi-decent troll post. I was beginning to lose hope.

    • 3
Jul 22, 2016

cool and tough

"We listen, if it feels good we shake."
"This town is nuts, my kind of place."
-WSMFP

Jul 22, 2016

Going to listen to this with text-to-speech while lifting today

    • 8
Jul 22, 2016

Truly invigorating as I read this with my black coffee, +1

    • 1
Jul 22, 2016

This guy will last probably 1 more month, before total emotional fall out and drug(if not full psyciatric) rehabilitation.

apart form that, FUCK YEAH CRUSH IT!

    • 1
Jul 22, 2016

hilarious. +1

Jul 22, 2016

This is what we need on days like today +1

Jul 23, 2016

Made me chuckle.

Jul 24, 2016

This post is fucking underrated.

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Jul 24, 2016

This forum is full of 12 year old losers that don't know shit about anything.

    • 1
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Jul 25, 2016

Can someone tell me what that avatar pic is from? I've seen that pussy kid before.

Jul 25, 2016

@Fear The Bulge don't change a thing, these are epic

    • 1
Jul 26, 2016

i fucking love this haha, said "tldr" on your last thread, but now im going back to read it :)

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 1
Jul 29, 2016

Hahaha quality

Nov 27, 2016

Bump

Dec 3, 2016

Ordered a woodford reserve manhattan yesterday out of panic, and out of recollection of this post

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Dec 27, 2016
Dec 28, 2016