Comments (42)

May 15, 2015

I had to pretend I was enjoying a lady of negotiable virtue from the mainland of China lap dancing topless on my lap in a dim Hong Kong karaoke bar in front of around 15 bankers so that I could get a job.

    • 6
    • 1
May 15, 2015

Winner winner chicken dinner. Tough one to beat. My experience, which pales in comparison to both the above, was having to grin and play along while having a drink with an MD (who is married with kids) while he leered at and commented about the bartender. Main issue here, apart from the married stuff, was he was just saying some creepy stuff that I didn't want to hear or picture.

    • 1
May 15, 2015
notthehospitalER:

Winner winner chicken dinner. Tough one to beat. My experience, which pales in comparison to both the above, was having to grin and play along while having a drink with an MD (who is married with kids) while he leered at and commented about the bartender. Main issue here, apart from the married stuff, was he was just saying some creepy stuff that I didn't want to hear or picture.

You must be new to finance, welcome.

May 19, 2015

pics or it didn't happen.

May 19, 2015
SSits:

I had to pretend I was enjoying a lady of negotiable virtue from the mainland of China lap dancing topless on my lap in a dim Hong Kong karaoke bar in front of around 15 bankers so that I could get a job.

Damn man how do you live with yourself?

Learn More

Side-by-side comparison of top modeling training courses + exclusive discount through WSO here.

May 15, 2015

you may be making it really easy to find out who you are.. esp to the HR guy & the principal..

    • 6
May 15, 2015
MBA_Junkie:

you may be making it really easy to find out who you are.. esp to the HR guy & the principal..

Doubtful, but now you have me paranoid

May 15, 2015

I pretended to like my last gig. Fuck, that was miserable.

May 16, 2015

I sat through an entire summer at a Chinese consulting firm with very little written Chinese (decent speaking) ability doing absolutely nothing but reading through reddit. Hundreds of hours wasted all to throw a few bullet points on my resume to look good for recruitment.

Incoming Spring Discovery Day Participant at J.P. Morgan Stanley

    • 2
May 19, 2015

deleting to stop paranoia

May 19, 2015

I faked back pain for a week then claimed kidney stones as i wanted to go on holiday and it was too short notice to get legit holiday. Kidney stones take about a week to pass through and back pain is a symptom....perfect.

    • 3
May 19, 2015

Bit random but... you looking at Isolux?

The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males.

May 19, 2015
SonnyZH:

Bit random but... you looking at Isolux?

PM'd

May 15, 2015
Oreos:

I faked back pain for a week then claimed kidney stones as i wanted to go on holiday and it was too short notice to get legit holiday. Kidney stones take about a week to pass through and back pain is a symptom....perfect.

how long ago was this? did your company catch up when it heard nothing from the insurance company?

May 19, 2015
MBA_Junkie:

"Oreos" wrote:I faked back pain for a week then claimed kidney stones as i wanted to go on holiday and it was too short notice to get legit holiday. Kidney stones take about a week to pass through and back pain is a symptom....perfect.

how long ago was this? did your company catch up when it heard nothing from the insurance company?

UK babaay, no insurance shizz to deal with. But yea, quite a while ago....

May 15, 2015
Oreos:

I faked back pain for a week then claimed kidney stones as i wanted to go on holiday and it was too short notice to get legit holiday. Kidney stones take about a week to pass through and back pain is a symptom....perfect.

This is absolutely savage. Will use this at some point in life.

Learn More

Side-by-side comparison of top modeling training courses + exclusive discount through WSO here.

May 19, 2015

Senior consultant calls me over to his computer to review some slides I sent him... right after he ripped a nasty fart

May 19, 2015
VodkaRedBull:

Senior consultant calls me over to his computer to review some slides I sent him... right after he ripped a nasty fart

So you faked that you enjoyed the smell?

    • 3
May 19, 2015

I faked that I was interested in hearing his feedback

May 19, 2015

My reaction the last time my wife made me dinner.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will."

    • 1
May 15, 2015
big f-ing deal:

My reaction the last time my wife made me dinner.

I swear men cook far better these days than women.

May 19, 2015

An orgasm

    • 1
May 19, 2015

I faked enthusiasm every time I answered a phone call from this idiot associate. But I would make it fake enough so that he knew I was faking but not so much that he could call me out for it.

May 20, 2015

pretend that i like this back office dead-end job

May 15, 2015
SW1A 2EJ:

pretend that i like this back office dead-end job

Solid first post

    • 2
May 21, 2015

I was going to say "an orgasm" but like usual, someone else got there before me...

    • 1
May 22, 2015
hakuna.matata:

I was going to say "an orgasm" but like usual, someone else got there before me...

Got to the orgasm before you? That must be frustrating.

May 22, 2015

Everybody knows its a race to finish first!

May 21, 2015

I faked enjoying my first research job just trying to get into med school. That didn't work, now I'm here.

Best Response
May 22, 2015

Nothing compares to what I had to deal with the 6 years I worked in luxury hospitality. I've had knives pulled on me, been propositioned by men and women of all ages and in all stages of dress (and sobriety), had a minibar thrown at me, had to clean up every sort of bodily fluid, called the cops, fire dept and the emt's for every sort of emergency (bloody slip and falls, actual fires, domestic assault, drug busts, etc), walked in on a famous actor touching himself (after knocking!), broke up parties for famous bands, there was this one bachelorette where I interrupted at a very inopportune time involving a midget stripper - I shit you not this barely cracks the surface, craziest job in the world. Plus the hours are brutal. Imagine 80 hour weeks where the shifts literally flip flop from overnights to days, so you never know whether you'll get to crash at 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning.

That's not to mention the drunken hook up culture that permeates the indudstry. I had my 40 year boss try to get me into the bathroom at a club during a work event when I was 20 - yes, we are both dudes. I managed to deflect that one REAL QUICK.

I took my first one week vacation in two years (you get vacation time in hospitality management, but actually using it is highly frowned upon until you move up the food chain). On my way out my boss told me to keep my phone on. I looked at him and said "we work in hotels, what the fuck could you possibly need me for in two days, it's not like I'll be able to run a tube of toothpaste up to someone's room for you".

I kept my phone on. They called.

    • 9
May 22, 2015

You should do your own AMA based on some of those

    • 1
May 22, 2015

+1

May 22, 2015
Steve83:

You should do your own AMA based on some of those

Hah maybe I will after CFA III. The experiences will definitely be more than a chapter in my memoirs one day. Sometimes I think I should Tucker Max that shit.

May 22, 2015

The first job I ever had was also the most boring job I ever had. I worked at a grocery store as a kid, which was filled with burn-out 30-somethings as management, who essentially passed their time relegating their duties and complaining about their Wednesday morning hangovers to the high school kids that worked there.

It just happened to be so boring, that as a young red-blooded 15 year old, I may or may not have snuck off to the individual customer bathrooms to rub one out on occasion. I know... not my finest moments, but what's a kid to do?

One time, I just so happened to take one of these morally questionable breaks, and as I was leaving to go push some shopping carts, a girl employee, one year younger than me, approached me and asked "did you just jack off in there?"

I have no fucking clue how she knew, but the look in her eye told me she knew she wasn't wrong. Obviously I denied it, acted surprised, and played it off cool, which led to a somewhat salvaged work relationship, but boy was it ever awkward seeing her at parties. She was hot too.

Could you imagine? "So uhh... want to help me out this time?"

    • 2
May 22, 2015

I have quite possibly the most boring job on earth and I'll crank down in a private bathroom every once in a while. Actually, more like 1-2 times a week. It's tough when I spend most of my day scrolling through half naked girls on Instagram.

Jun 15, 2015

I fake that I don't know about the gossip, and that I like/admire the people I work with. Oh and company team building events, they're EPIC. It's so sad, it's... nope still sad.

May 22, 2015

I worked at a firm where the senior partner, while on the surface was a good guy and the investors liked him, had a clinical case of narcissistic personality disorder and under the surface was a huge douche bag who fucked everyone over as much as possible. His wife, who was >15 years his junior, left him and no one in the inner circle was surprised or upset because he was an extra strength dose of Summer's Eve and she was actually a nice person, but he was all broken up because how could anyone not want to be with him so he took a month+ off. As in left the country, turned his cell off and didn't reply to emails (we also found out more during this time of him ripping us off-financial controls: always make someone leave and disconnect for a time period) and when he returned he came back with a massive tribal tattoo on his upper arm (he was in his 40's, he was not a tat guy and was really a massive geek), he got a hair transplant and his head was still the color of a tomato when he returned to the office, he bought a bright red Ferrari (that he couldn't drive) and he was dressed like he was a cast member of the Jersey Shore with fancy jeans and the tackiest shirts unbuttoned down to show as much chest hair as possible, at our business formal office. We all had to refrain from laughing every day. I'm pretty sure I still have scars on my gums from having to truly bite my lip when we'd be in the conference room and he'd act like he was scratching his upper arm but was really just showing off his new ink.

Within a year he was dating another much younger woman (I think during their first few dates she couldn't legally drink) who was really hot but didn't have much of a chest. She also had the IQ of a doorknob. One day she came in after we hadn't seen her for a few weeks with some of the largest fake knobs I've ever seen. She was a petite woman with more of a gymnast's body and she came in with large porn star tits. While dressed like a stripper. I had already been planning my exit by that point but it was really like something out of a bad movie stereotyping middle aged finance types.

    • 7
May 22, 2015

Epic fucking meltdown. What ever happened to him?

I'm half expecting you to say: 'and 20 years later, that man is known as Stephen Schwarzman to everyone now'.

    • 1
May 22, 2015
DickFuld:

Epic fucking meltdown. What ever happened to him?

I'm half expecting you to say: 'and 20 years later, that man is known as Stephen Schwarzman to everyone now'.

Haha, yeah Schwarzman...

He got it back together from the guido shirts and that stuff (although the ink wasn't going anywhere) but he's just been churning at the same level and he's still a borderline psychotic and definite narcissist. I heard he also recently divorced the girl he bought fake wheels for. I think that's marriage #4. He lost most of his better partners and employees around that time and he's had a somewhat hard time attracting decent senior talent because his rep got around that he was going to screw people over and act like the firm's accounts are his own checking account. It's too bad because he's an incredibly intelligent person and can do deals and raise money but he's just an asshole.

    • 2
May 24, 2015
Comment
May 24, 2015
    • 1
May 26, 2015