Preface: Forgot to mention... This was a couple of girlfriends ago. Remind me to never date another Eastern European lady... Thanks all for the feedback. Not sure why I had a relapse today. Hump day strangeness.
TLDR, Some girls are truly not worth it and toxic debt, sell order. Weigh all risks and options carefully and fellow Apes stay strong out there!
I come home from work after having made some progress and starting to gain traction in learning my new job with a sense of accomplishment, walk thru the garage door and the laundry room, and I'm greeted by my girlfriend. With a smile on my face, I tell her about the cool things I did today and writing ideas I have for articles I am working on. She smiles, gives me a hug and we goof around opening items that came from my Amazon.com order. All is well, life is good. Or this is what I thought anyways until I returned from writing.
As I prepared dinner, I noticed the mood turn from bad to worse. Reading the situation, I had to ask a qualifying question to break the ice. She tells me that we need to talk about "something" and I ask to determine the gravity of the situation by saying, "Is it good, bad, or ugly?" She said it was 'neutral' which is almost always a bad thing, shit... Okay. We sit down to eat and she gets on my case for two things:
I suck at:
- I have a terrible sense of time and don't really manage it well.
- I obsess over my AM and PM work. AM job is in Sales and PM job includes writing for various outlets and also doing other things.
She's a programmer trying to land a gig in California. I told her that me being better at me will allow me to go westward but she said that if I do it is more for my career development than relationship development. She told me to take it easy because I am working lots and don't really have a life. She told me to strive for a work-life balance. I told her this in response:
"Fuck work-life balance. Most people who haven't made anything of themselves in life hide behind the veil of that shit as a convenient excuse to be haters of those who actually are doing something. Work yields results and life, however much life you have and what you consider 'life', is simply non-constructive waste of time. Everyone wants to be Mike but Mike doesn't want to be anybody else but Mike."
Obviously, after having given such a fine speech, impromptu by the way, with so much enthusiasm and clarity, she felt inspired enough to forward me a recorded copy of it as she had been recording our argument on her iPhone this ENTIRE TIME! What the fuck...
She took the liberty of sleeping in the guest room and left me alone in the Master bedroom and mentioned three possible outcomes for us with two of them ending in us breaking up. Interesting...
Here's my analysis:
She's okay with obsessing over her career that it makes her blind to whatever she has to do at the cost of her "work-life" balance and our relationship. When I do the same thing, it is unacceptable.
She has this habit of keeping in touch with all her ex-bfs that she's dated in the past year and is very proud of the fact that she went thru 20-30 guys in a year. So proud in fact that when we were supposed to be watching a movie in the jacuzzi she thought it more important to bring her phone and FB msg her exbf five removed the entire time. I finally confronted her about this shit yesterday and she conveniently "forgot" about the situation and told me she couldn't for the faintest idea understand why I would be upset. Lol, really brah? Your new guy is trying to politely ask you for your time of day and you want to laugh and smile while a movie is running in the background as you furiously FB msg your exbf that you dated once or twice but things didn't work out so now he became an accessory friend or a pseudo emotional outlet when convenient to supplement the current boyfriend. Right...
Her 'network of connections' after having 20-30 boyfriends in a year is broad so she can, if she maintains her relationship, use them as a gateway to her ex-bf's friends. I felt I got used as a hedge against her other long positions that she spread all over the place (pun intended) doesn't work out. I, however, have been 100% with her from day one never thinking for once she's just another girl but my girl. She insists my motivations for every move is strategic for my career and yet if I behave like the way she wants me to, she wouldn't care to date me as she has "high standards."
This is the ultimate chicken and the egg dilemma. You work your ass off to prove to yourself that you are somebody, and then the girl thinks she is a no body to you yet she wants to date only someone who is somebody. This someone who is somebody won't have the time of day for her either. When she figures out what she really wants in actuality, she is looking at one tier above a 9-5 who has less ambition and drive as compared to being somebody. She really wants a no body. Yet she has dated no bodies before, hates it, and that's why she wants to find somebody.
Obviously, above situation puts anyone in an infinite loop until they either meter their expectations or stay single for life having set standards that are unattainable because they are intrinsically flawed. You can't find somebody when you aren't a somebody, doesn't understand what it takes to be a somebody, and can't appreciate the sacrifice made by the somebody's in this world to get to where we are today.
What my friend and mentor said to me after hearing my story:
"lol. dude, get out of the relationship"
"how you are still letting her weigh you down is not something i can comprehend."
"you should write me at the end of this week to let me know she is gone. otherwise, you're the chump for putting up with it."
"love will find you, dont you worry sunshine. love always finds a way. ha ha ha."
And he finishes with:
"dump the girl. you can get a hotter chick when you are rich."
- Dump the girl
- Keep her and strive for a work-life balance