Putting yourself out there

bear with my stupidity here people, 1st time posting here (Off-topic) Female,19. How do you put yourself out there more? I've recently had that said to me a lot but don't think I really understand what that means. There isn't much open where I'm at because of the virus so can't really meet people that way. I've tried dating apps for awhile and tbh I feel like it only adds to my frustration. I'm not impatient, matches are pretty good and always get responses when I do match. Thing is I'm constantly freezing and have no idea what to say 5 minutes after. Ik better not to start a conversation with "hey" and often start to spark something based on their bio. Basically what I'm saying in what ways can you "put yourself out there" because I am out of ideas.

Thank u so much for reading this

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Comments (18)

Aug 31, 2021 - 8:13pm

It takes a brave person to write and share this so you confirmed you have courage. Now going on to what do I say after the first five minutes, that part is easy and believe me it is easy for you, I think you just need a few examples.

When, I meet a person, I usually ask them how their day is going that gives me a opening to expand the conversation based on their responses. Sometimes it is about being self aware, so if a person is angry about something I try not to add fuel to the conversation but try to see what they are going through like say what a crazy day, if they are friendly enough they either respond with a agreement or respond with a agreement with other words that can lead into another conversation. The bottom line is we all need something the trick trying to understand what that is. Trying watching YouTube videos on the subject it might help.

SafariJoe, wins again!
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Sep 1, 2021 - 3:33am

It takes a brave person to write and share this so you confirmed you have courage.

bro what? its an anonymous forum ย 

I'm from Europe 

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Aug 31, 2021 - 8:48pm


bare with my stupidityย 

It's "bear" - but great sentence otherwise, I lol'ed.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Aug 31, 2021 - 9:06pm

You have any interests? Travel, books, certain music, tango dancing, wineโ€ฆ? Try and find coed communities of people who have similar interests. You're bound to find folks like yourself, and have plenty to talk about.

Meeting people through friends is also really common. Focus on making friends and saying yes to different opportunities.

Doing this with banking hours? Tough, but I'm sure you can do it :)

Sep 1, 2021 - 3:12am

Whats up with all these "females" that don't have girlfriends IRL? you lot hermits or what? the girls I know all have entourages with them to "girl talk". Is it a gen z thing? Has social media fucked the next generation?ย 

I'm from Europe 

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Most Helpful
Sep 1, 2021 - 2:40pm

I'm an introvert, albeit a very sociable one, yet people often mistake me for being an extrovert/talker because I literally just ask the right, open-ended questions and actually listen to what people have to say instead of just waiting my turn to talk. It helps that I'm naturally inclined toward genuinely understanding where people come from and how they come up with the ideas they have, but if that's not you, this piece of advice someone gave me might help you, "if you're not interesting, be interested".

I think you'll find a lot of people love talking about themselves when others give them a platform. If you actually listen to what they say (which is rare these days in a narcissistic, social media world), they'll really appreciate it and perhaps take a liking to you. It'll take time, but eventually, you'll learn how to keep a conversation going just by doing this and adding your own tidbits here and there.

Good luck!

Sep 1, 2021 - 3:18pm

apps and sites are the easiest option. lucky for you the guy is expected to lead the convo, so you don't necessarily need to know what to say all the time, but also with practice you'll feel more comfortable engaging in conversations.

you can also just go out more. go to gym, parks, beach, bars, etc. if you like somebody, maybe smile at them, or even better say hi.

Sep 1, 2021 - 4:08pm

are you asking in the dating context or the general context? if you're talking dating app messaging techniques, I'd ask your girlfriends what they'd say and not a bunch of thirsty dudes

in the general context, become a good conversationalist, and you don't have to know a lot, just know how to continue a discussion if you're interested in the person. "tell me more about that" "what was that like?" and "oh, I've never thought about it that way..." can all work wonders. be interested and you will be interesting.

Sep 2, 2021 - 3:14pm

Perhaps you do not have to put / force yourself out there. Is there any activity participate regularly, e.g. a uni club, sports club, gym?

This way it could be more natural to connect with people. Surely you could just cold approach people somewhere but as you already mentioned / experienced on the dating apps it could also lead to awkard situation if you do not click but I guess that is a low risk if you can disengage the conversation quickly (which probably online is easier).

Sep 3, 2021 - 5:01pm

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