Trying to network in to a position and I’m not really having the best success getting my cold email responded to. Would love your guys advice. So far my email has been
Dear _____,
I see you are x position at y company. I am a recent graduate from x university with a math major and cs minor. Would you have any time I could pick your brain about how you got started in the industry, and any advice you may have for me to break in? Attached is my resume. Thanks.
Should I just get straight to the point and tell them something like this?
Dear____,
I see you are x at y company. I am interested in working for your company and have applied to numerous positions. Do you have any time where you might offer advice on how best to break in? Attached is my resume. Thanks
Don't want to come across sleazy here. What do you think?
Kill your resume, I hate seeing those attached in a cold email. It completely alters the point of your email: are you trying to network to learn about how I got into the industry or are you asking for a job?
In the end we both technically know it's the latter, BUT, the former is a cleaner first impression. We'll talk about your resume over the coffee you scored by not being pushy in your first email.
I will kill the resume attachment. Thank you
What do you think about adding a resume if you are emailing the HR / careers address?
I don't think the second version will improve your chances of getting replies. The first is already short and direct. Don't worry about parsing your words too much. Instead, focus on finding ways to take your cold emails and warm them up a bit. Both of these are canned and could be sent to anyone and everyone, just fill in the blanks. No one feels bad ignoring them. They'll react to these like they react to spam.
Have you ever done any online dating? Your chances of a reply go way up if you personalize your message a bit.
Ideally, the best results will come from leveraging your existing network. Reach out to someone after speaking to a mutual acquaintance and getting the ok to drop his/her name. "I just spoke to our mutual acquaintance X, and he suggested I reach out to you for more info about your industry." Doing this gives you an implied recommendation, and it also makes you harder to ignore. If they blow you off, they're also blowing off your mutual acquaintance.
If you're just out of college, you may not have much of a professional network yet. Good places to start may be professors or the college career center. Short of that, look for someone with a common background, eg someone who graduated from your school.
The more you can connect with someone in your message, the better your odds of a reply. But networking at this stage is a numbers game. The only way to counteract the low response rate is to make lots of attempts.
And I agree with EnergyHOU above. Don't attach your resume to the email. At this point, officially you're just looking to make a connection and ask some questions. If you meet with someone in person you absolutely should bring a copy of your resume, but don't act like that's why you're there. Your goal is to ask questions, express your interests, and then ask for advice and/or contact info of anyone else who may be willing to chat with you. It can be a long, sometimes painful process, but every meeting has value.
Good luck!
thank you for this. Hopefully this will help others. I will warm up my emails and make them more specific!
Dear Mr. "Smith"
I am writing to you to see if "Company"might be interested in taking an analyst in its acquisition or asset management team. I recently was corresponding with "person" and he said since he was leaving there might be an opening so I was hoping to follow up.
I am currently in my 3rd year as an analyst, with 2 years at "occupation" in their Capital Markets group. I have technical skills in excel modeling as well as a firm grasp of commercial real estate which I have developed in my current analyst job with a "State" owner operator, and previous position in real estate finance at "company". My CV is attached.
I understand that "company" has a formalized recruitment process, but if any of your team is currently experiencing high deal flow then I could be of assistance. I would also welcome an informational interview to learn more about your company and its role in the real estate market.
Would it be possible to arrange a call? I would be very grateful for an opportunity to discuss this with you.
Thank you,
Go as short as possible. Introduce yourself, give your background and what you want. No one will read long intro emails. 3-5 sentences max and make it an information gathering exercise rather than asking for a job. They know why you’re emailing - make it easy to get to the next step. Ask about them.
A few years ago someone posted on WSO their cold email that they said got an amazing response rate. Since then the post has been deleted, but I've used it and subsequently gotten an amazing response rate as well. I don't send out a ton of cold emails (I've probably sent 10-15 max) but my response rate is like 90%. Here it is: Subject: 15min for a quick chat
"Hello xx,
My name is Dan_yo23 and I'm writing you for a quick chat.
I found your profile on LinkedIn and saw you work for xx company. I'm a senior at XX university majoring in finance and I'm very interested in hearing about your experiences and your time at xx company.
Please let me know when/how best to reach you. It wont take any more than 15 minutes.
Best, Dan_yo23"
Obviously, tweak the email to say how you actually found them.
Why is this so powerful? It's straight to the point, but really casual. Nothing is worse than seeming robotic and boring, or writing an email that takes more than 20 seconds to read. But at the same time, you don't want to seem be so focused on trying to get a job from them.. you just need to get them on the phone. The more you say in your email, the more of a chance you have to stick your foot in your mouth. Most guys start out willing to talk to you- the content of your email can only diminish that willingness (with some exceptions- if you are a family friend or went to the same university, then mentioning that could increase their willingness).
Another tip is to reach out to the guys in their first or second year. Typically these guys feel like they conquered the world by landing their job, so they are more than willing to share their wisdom with college kids. And most importantly, they are pretty willing to put you in contact with the hiring managers and decision makers.
The other responses were absolutely right when they said not to include your resume. Including your resume changes the email from a simple introduction to an application. No one wants to handle an application, everyone wants to talk about their career progression. I'd be willing to say that including your resume is the biggest thing that has sunk your response rate.
Good luck!
Do you not think this is too casual though? As someone coming from college emailing possibly a VP or higher shouldn't it be more professional than "writing for a quick chat". I think it sounds fine, but just a thought I had as I'm writing these myself to send out.
You can always change it to make it sound more like you. I would get rid of the "15 minutes" part personally, for instance.
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