It is the year 2010... a man by the name of Oliver Creed releases his new Eau De Parfum, Creed Aventus... I never knew the turn my life was about to take.
I smelt Aventus the for the first time in January of 2011. It was a Tuesday if I recall, snowy, cold. I stopped into the Creed boutique on my way home from work to take cover from the elements. A friend had mentioned to me how Aventus had changed his life - I thought he was exaggerating of course.. but I said why not give it a smell. I have to say, I loved it, I knew it would be a hit. Like many, I was reluctant to spend $435 on a cologne. I mean... that's a lot of money for a fragrance. But, I went ahead and bought it cause I mean... what else am I going to do with $435? Probably not much.. so here we go. Full of glee I exit the store and out into the cold NYC snow I go.
Little did I know I had just changed the trajectory of my life.
Being a person in finance, rate of return is everything. Since Aventus can mask the smell almost any putrid stench, I realized that I can now shower 50% less than before. This translates to more time at the office grinding and working on my side hustles. By my calculations, over the last 8 years I have made/saved nearly $250,000 due to this. (This is after my $2,610 /yr Aventus expense). I am now on track to quit my job at 35 and move the Cayman Islands.
Additionally, I now can get any girl simply by walking past her on Madison Ave. I mean, its similar of a bee to honey. It's nature, its encoded in their DNA. When I tell them that I am no longer interested in them they immediately call the police on me with false allegations. Its like #metoo pt. 2 at the NYPD headquarters. (I think they are bringing on additional staff due to this if anyone needs a job). This is how I met my wife, the love of my life. She was a bartender at 1OAK and she quit on the spot when she saw my swept back Gordon Gekko hair, Gucci deal sleds and smelt the Aventus pouring off of me. She had no chance.
Anyway, my wife and I are looking forward to our retirement in the Caymans.
Thank you Oliver Creed for all you have done for me and so many others.