I have a girlfriend who I met through a mutual friend. We've been together for about 2 - 3 months, not the same city (west and east). She's 3 year old younger than me and I feel like now she cannot give me much help on my journey (grad school/career pursuit) forward. I am not saying that she's not working hard. She is definitely willing to put in efforts, but I am graduating and she just finished freshman year. Many times when I talk to talk about my plan for the future/my thoughts on a book, she cannot make it a mutual conversation. I know I'm perfect either and probably there are things I'm not doing so well between us. I've been thinking about breaking up for a couple times, but I decided to give us some time, at least ~1 year to see if it works out. I don't want to hurt her by breaking up when it's only 2 months..
What would you do, what did you do, given a similar situation?
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They say a life partner is found during your college years. Now if you are just in a relationship just to kill time, then you need to reevaluate your relationship.
whoever "they" are were probably born before 1930
Truth. Finding a life partner in college is an awfully outdated societal norm, especially in the Northeast. Waiting until you're in your early to mid 30's so you 1) know what you want 2) are established, is the way to go IMO.
Susan Patton's book Marry Smart
I would not string someone along for a whole year if you've already got significant reservations. That's going to hurt her way more than breaking up now.
I think the fact that you are already just 'giving it time' shows that your heart really isn't in it, if this was someone you were going to be able to get through anything with, I personally feel like your mindset would be a little different.
I agree with mbamfinquestions stringing her along for an entire year is going to hurt way more, let alone the fact that she will have wasted a year thinking things were going in a direction in which you have reservations about.
Ultimately the decision is yours, but from what you have told us, it seems to me as though the decision may already be made in your mind.
Thanks for the advice
Bro, it's been less than a year, just say you're not ready to be in a relationship, and it's been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun.
Yea...probably..
Break up with her via text, and definitely utilize the new iMessage confetti feature.
"I don't want to hurt her by breaking up when it's only 2 months". How the fuck do you think this works? Just tell her that it isnt working out. If it's less than 3month of a long distance relationship most people wouldn't even care about breaking up.
If it's less than 3 in a relationship where you see each other multiple times a week most people wouldn't, either.
Break up with her because it seems fairly obvious to all outsiders that it's the only option you have. Then you need to think long and hard about why you're asking WSO for relationship advice.
I have been thinking long and hard and I decided to ask WSO for relationship advice, jajaja
If you've been with her for 2-3 months this is a SERIOUS COMMITMENT.
Go to Jareds, buy a ring and lock this woman up 4 lyfe.
ROFL. This is actually funny
You need to UPEND your relationship in order to BOOST your PRODUCTIVITY. You should focus on MONETIZATION using a FREEMIUM model!
Hello Iridescen007!
From a female perspective, I was sad for maybe 2 weeks after I broke up with my freshman year boyfriend of 3 months... lol! He also bounced back quickly and got over it as well. We were also each other's first boyfriend/girlfriends. The point being is, she'll probably bounce back quickly and I would do what's best for you.
A couple should grow in parallel. And as someone who finished freshman year, she might want to study abroad, etc. I don't think it would be great if you were giving false hopes and she ends up missing opportunities thinking she might be with you - if she's that type of person - or she'll leave you and pursue her goals and you'll have wasted your time seeing if it'll work out.
There's also couples that get back together.
Ultimately though the decision is yours! Good luck and let us know!
BSP
Thank you BSP ! SB given. Another guy on WSO said the same thing. I want to tell her about what I think when I meet her. I don't feel I'm responsible if I say this via text.
I'm iffy about the texting vs. in-person. We're in the texting age now... with that being said though...
When I broke up with my BF and I texted it to him - he wouldn't accept it LOL... he just pretended like I didn't say it.
In-person always leads to waterworks (not because they're really sad, but just the shock and initial rejection), but maybe I'm just not brave.
Good luck Iridescent! :)
You should write her a breakup letter as beautifully written as this post
Send it via carrier pigeon - that'd be romantic AF
Make sure the carrier pigeon explodes once delivered, this will be the offline equivalent of the confetti iMessage.
Okay, a little update. Just texted her the message, like 20 seconds ago. I asked her how she thought about this. No message back yet. Good luck to me.
The suspense is killing me
Yes what's happening!!! Lol!!!
Did you use the confetti feature?!?!?!?
you will never have mutual conversations until she hits 21~22 gl
Okay...we decided to stay single, at least for now. I do not want to hurt her too much so I said it in a relatively acceptable way? (I don't have time right now, long-distance relationship will keep you from other good choices in the same/nearby city...). Her roommate text me something that's really mean, but that's okay. The girl really likes me. I can feel it.
I feel guilty...
Dude, man up and take her to get some ice cream or something small/quick and just tell her that you two are in different places, literally and metaphorically, and that you don't think it's going to work out. That's it. Do it in person and don't say, "but let's be friends" or "it's not working right now" or "I'm not ready for a relationship." If something happens down the road then so be it, but don't leave the door cracked open.
You're going to have to start breaking bad news to people at work so this is good practice.
EDIT: Just saw what you actually did, oh well. Break ups aren't fun for anyone but they're a part of life, the best thing you can do is be honest.
I'm not sure what to say. SB given.
Ya, I wrote that before I saw what you actually.
It's no big deal, right? Just a girl that you had some fun with. In the future, do it in person but if you're long distance right now then not much you can do there if you're not gonna see each other any time soon. Good luck bud.
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