Feels like I’m writing my own obituary…
My apologies for the length of this… it’s simply a fluid thought that may or may not make any damn sense…
TLDR: About to turn 27, live in the bedroom I grew up in, unemployed for almost a year, completely lost
About a year ago I was let go from my job at a startup tech/energy company. I had worked there for over a year serving multiple roles, but ultimately as a financial analyst. All of my coworkers were from target schools (and b-schools) with top tier banking and engineering backgrounds, while I had graduated from a non-target and had been self-employed directly out of college. I had absolutely lucked into an interview with the CEO and decided to start a real career. I felt very inadequate compared to everyone else – as if I was a charity case. So I completely entrenched myself in the job working 70+ hours a week to establish myself and learn the industry. While I wasn’t making as much as I had been, I was helping create something meaningful and it felt like I was opening a lot of doors.
Due to the startup culture, I was quickly promoted and continuously given more responsibilities. Outside of management, I had grown into the only person who actively worked in all aspects of the business – a jack of all trades, somewhat. I was now realizing that I wasn’t judged on where I went to school or what I had done previously, I provided value to the company with my work. I received great reviews and pretty much felt like the folks I worked with were family.
So how did I end up posting this here on WSO? Well despite not graduating in finance or knowing of IB/high finance as a career path, I was surrounded with ex-wall street guys and began researching. I posted here (infrequently) and gleaned enormous amounts of information from late 2010 until 2012. While most monkeys try to move to firms like mine for positions like mine after their first 2 years, I was trying to leverage my experience into an analyst role in IB.
My CEO (former banker) knew that I wanted to pursue those opportunities, but had offered me a promotion to a project management role. He alternatively was willing to give me a few months to try to break into IB while keeping my current role and then we would part ways. I had already been working on all the WSO, BIWS, TTS guides & self studies, as well as having direct financial and biz dev experience in my current role, and so I decided to take a risk going for IB. After several months of 100+ hours weeks in the office, I was able to meet a lot of great people and expand my knowledge base, but ultimately wasn’t successful in landing an IB analyst role. I had really missed any sort of experienced hire recruiting period (late summer, early fall), and while disappointed I was asked to take on a more senior and specific finance position by my CEO.
This was short lived as I was let go several months later. This was due to a combination of new VC ownership buying out previous ownership (to give you a sense, the company will probably have about $50mm in 2012 revenue) and personal issues that are still plaguing my life. I had already been registered for a pre-MBA financial cert program at an M7 school, and being that I was now unemployed, I decided to just focus on those for a few weeks before diving back into job hunting.
Weeks turned into months and months have almost turned into a year. I’ve completely shut out everyone in my life, decade long friends, my former coworkers, and my family. Without my job behind me, I could no longer make those same calls I was making 6 months prior to bankers. Day after day it has felt like another enormous weight has been placed on my back. “Who the fuck would hire me?” is a consistent thought as I think back over this past almost-year. I went from having 1000 things to do and being prideful in my work, to having nothing but the thoughts between my head.
I was too embarrassed to apply for unemployment (“Why do I deserve it, I’m fucking useless”) and that feeling, like every other, has only compounded as these long months have gone by. Back in the spring, my apartment lease came up. My only option was to move back into the house that I fucking grew up in… as a 26 year old. For over 6 months, my roommate has been my mom. My parents divorced over 3 years ago, and in that time she has spent over $400k in lawyer bills (of maybe $1 million total) trying to invent the most ridiculous stories about my dad. The stories I could tell you are absolutely ridiculous and are a great deal of what plagued the end of my job.
I’ve dealt with this complete soul crushing feeling, which has now morphed itself into an absolutely terrible beast. I’ve spent every waking moment trying not to actively think about my life for like 40 god damned fucking weeks. I’ve expended all of my energy trying to not think about my 4k credit card bill I stopped paying back in April; that I’ve ignored every facebook/email/phone call from good, good, good friends for almost a year; that my phone was turned off back in June and I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone for help; that I haven’t filed my 2011 taxes nor have I applied for unemployment because why the fuck do I deserve that; that my mom cries her eyes out for 12 hours a day and seethes with rage the other 12; that I haven’t talked to my dad in almost a year; that I’ve thought about killing myself every single moment of every single one of these days for going on almost a year when I have to think about reality.
There aren’t very many options at this point, and so I’m here searching for some advice… something that will connect and stop this madness because I simply cannot bear it anymore. I’ve been too proud of a person to burden anyone with this because what is my pain compared to most of the shit that happens to people in life and why should mine be any more important. For almost a year I haven’t even allowed myself to cry, but I just want to release this grip my mind has on me so I can go back to living my life and pursuing all of those doors that I had opened, instead of laying in the bed I slept in when I was in middle school, watching my 27th birthday come and go.
First off, I want to say I'm
First off, I want to say I'm sorry for your situation. It seems like you had a bunch of compounding factors which really haven't helped you and its a shitty situation.
That said, the biggest possible mistake you are making is isolating yourself. Obviously, you are a very smart and capable person judging by the jobs you've had and the responsibilities you have had. Second thing I will say is this: Don't ever utter, type or think the words "why the fuck would someone hire me" or "I'm undeserving". Look. If you don't think your worth an employer hiring you, why the hell should they? Just stop. You've obviously been killing it before and you'll pick back up where you left off once you can get out of the spiral. You were self employed and you were good enough that a CEO picked you for a job. If that isn't a recommendation to your credentials I don' t know what is.
Here's the other point I want to make to you: Stop being afraid to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with it, and look at where you are when you refuse to ask for it. You cannot do everything alone and without connections, help, guidance and luck provided by networking and asking for help you'll simply be in this rut.
Here's my advice: Get over the living at home issue. I had that in the back of my mind when I first graduated and people may criticize or make remarks about it: Fuck them. I would get rid of anyone and everyone who is even remotely negative in your life. Btw, there is nothing wrong with living at home especially when you need some time to get on your feet. Establish a routine or some type of structure. Go to the gym, run outside, sit down and make it an official thing every morning looking for jobs, reaching out to people, etc. Reconnect with all your friends. Treat it like a full time job. Stop isolating yourself and get out there. Also, you mentioned your mother and divorce; you need to block that off. You can't take that burden with you as well, and although it is very tough just understand that you need to prioritize yourself and your career moving forward.
Contact: [email protected]
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Everything Addinator said. I
Everything Addinator said.
I think creating a routine will help you tremendously. You need to find a way to use your time constructively- that will make you feel better. Go running, lift, 50 push ups every morning, something. Look for jobs for an hour a day, cold call places just to call them. Like Addinator said, you cannot continue to isolate yourself. You simply cannot afford to. Call your friends, that is what they are for. Don't be afraid to tell your story or ask for help.
Also, I kind of got lost with the education part- you completed the certificate? Or wanted to find a job first? Can you go back to school at all- any interest there?
That feeling you mention... the soul crushing feeling.. the "beast"? You need to become more powerful than that. Whether you get a job or not, you need to kill that. Find a way to use that energy and those thoughts to the best of your ability. Let your anger feed your strength. In my opinion, this starts with a physical regiment. Try it and see where it goes.
You have a kid in CT who believes in you. Message me if you ever want to talk about anything.
"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."
Probably not what you want to
Probably not what you want to hear since it's not career oriented, but I'm 100% certain it will help. There is never a better time to try this than when you think you've hit rock bottom. Turn to some higher power, whatever it is you may choose, is irrelevant. God, Buddha, you name it. Maybe it's not even a religious figure. Something you can rely on to lead and point you in the right direction. When it comes down to it, human nature is selfish. You can't rely on anyone else for help. It's a self-help world; hence the importance of believing in something worldly.
Some people may say this sounds corny (in fact most people on WSO might, yes thats stereotyping) but you might be surprised.
Hey man. I was in a similar
Hey man. I was in a similar situation, not too long ago. Honestly. (Not necessarily all of it applies, but I can relate to the feelings of despair).
One thing I will say though: this board helps immensely.Read some success stories, read about others in similar situations and how they picked themselves up. Make a schedule and stick to it. That is the most important. No schedule means it is easy to get lost. Utilize LinkedIn as best as you can. Reach out to alums, reach out to old co-workers and see if they can put you in touch with someone who may be looking for your skillset.
But most importantly, don't be afraid to branch out your search. Don't just target one city, target as many as possible. Really. Utilize the WSO base to check for companies you may have no idea existed.
PM me if you need anything. I am pulling for you.
Finding a job is now your
Finding a job is now your full-time job.
1) Create a routine: wake up in the morning, go to the gym, read the news, check job boards, apply to 5 jobs, email 5 people, call/reconnect with 1-2 friends, get out of the house (grocery shopping, bookstore, anything...), set up a meeting with a recruiter. Create a list of things to do daily and cross them out as you accomplish them, whether it's setting up a phone interview or making a dentist appointment.
2) Stop isolating yourself: go on LinkedIn and connect with as many people you know and don't know, go on Facebook and see what people are up to (B-School? New Job? New City?) and reconnect with them, contact recruiters and tell them your situation and ask for advice, call your old coworkers including your CEO and ask them to help you find a new opportunity, call your old college professors, and most importantly reconnect with your friends!!
3) This may be the perfect time for you to start your own business, apply to grad school, or study for a new license. Never be idle - always be learning, making money, or both.
4) Lastly, you need to pick your confidence back up! You can't be worrying about your mother and her divorce for now - surround yourself with positive people and inspire yourself with success stories. Go on dates, watch an inspirational movie, join the local kickball team. Anything that will boost your confidence and re-integrate you back into society.
Good luck with everything, and I'm glad you took a first step in asking for help on this forum.
This company is ALWAYS
This company is ALWAYS looking for more research people. The company does outsourced work for Bloomberg.
https://kellycareernetwork.tms.hrdepartment.com/jo...
Another option: move to Asia.
Another option: move to Asia. Flight to Singapore = $2,000. First 2 months rent for a common room in a decent condo flatshare = $2,000. You should get a job within the first few weeks. The job market here is still decent (don't know about banking, for everything else, it's fine) and US-trained, US-quality employees enormously valued.
Yeah seriously, the above
Yeah seriously, the above advice is good. Look into interesting podcasts / music, throw your iPod on every morning and go to the gym. It's a great way to pass the time and clear your head, plus getting in shape will most definitely help your confidence immensely.
Also, get back in touch with your friends. There are obviously a lot of people that care for you and want to help you and you'll feel a lot better after seeing that. Honestly, I know you're embarrassed about your situation but your true friends don't give a shit that you're living at home and can't find a job, especially in this economy. I know multiple people that had to do the same thing and I respect them more for living with their parents and trying to save money than I would if they had been pissing away money on something they couldn't afford to keep up the act. Having said that, once you find a job you should move out ASAP. Being around your mom doesn't sound conducive to getting out of depression.
Lastly, go do something fun that will help clear your mind and make you realize there's more to life than success. I realize you're in debt, but shit go take a martial arts class, join a local coed sports team, join a beer brewing club, cook, etc. Try new things and new experiences. That's what life is all about.
At the end of the day, you're honestly blowing things out of proportion and making life worse for yourself. I've had a lot of depressing stuff happen over the last three years as well, and you need that mourning / depression state for a couple of weeks, but after awhile you have to realize when it's time to move on. And now is the time. Just don't, and I repeat, don't kill yourself. Suicide is never the answer, you'll be fine and realize how much time you wasted feeling bad for yourself. Good luck.
Just read an article
Just read an article today
http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-10/reje...
(discount the website, I picked a reference from HBR lol)
Otherwise, what breezle said + listen to Don't You Worry Child
We all sometimes hit rock bottom, it's a good place to start. Reconnect with friends, family, explain it to them, reach out to people and you will find help/job/get laid.
Good luck, you're smart guy, just quit this commiserating state
proxyaccount: My apologies
My apologies for the length of this… it’s simply a fluid thought that may or may not make any damn sense…
TLDR: About to turn 27, live in the bedroom I grew up in, unemployed for almost a year, completely lost
About a year ago I was let go from my job at a startup tech/energy company. I had worked there for over a year serving multiple roles, but ultimately as a financial analyst. All of my coworkers were from target schools (and b-schools) with top tier banking and engineering backgrounds, while I had graduated from a non-target and had been self-employed directly out of college. I had absolutely lucked into an interview with the CEO and decided to start a real career. I felt very inadequate compared to everyone else – as if I was a charity case. So I completely entrenched myself in the job working 70+ hours a week to establish myself and learn the industry. While I wasn’t making as much as I had been, I was helping create something meaningful and it felt like I was opening a lot of doors.
Due to the startup culture, I was quickly promoted and continuously given more responsibilities. Outside of management, I had grown into the only person who actively worked in all aspects of the business – a jack of all trades, somewhat. I was now realizing that I wasn’t judged on where I went to school or what I had done previously, I provided value to the company with my work. I received great reviews and pretty much felt like the folks I worked with were family.
So how did I end up posting this here on WSO? Well despite not graduating in finance or knowing of IB/high finance as a career path, I was surrounded with ex-wall street guys and began researching. I posted here (infrequently) and gleaned enormous amounts of information from late 2010 until 2012. While most monkeys try to move to firms like mine for positions like mine after their first 2 years, I was trying to leverage my experience into an analyst role in IB.
My CEO (former banker) knew that I wanted to pursue those opportunities, but had offered me a promotion to a project management role. He alternatively was willing to give me a few months to try to break into IB while keeping my current role and then we would part ways. I had already been working on all the WSO, BIWS, TTS guides & self studies, as well as having direct financial and biz dev experience in my current role, and so I decided to take a risk going for IB. After several months of 100+ hours weeks in the office, I was able to meet a lot of great people and expand my knowledge base, but ultimately wasn’t successful in landing an IB analyst role. I had really missed any sort of experienced hire recruiting period (late summer, early fall), and while disappointed I was asked to take on a more senior and specific finance position by my CEO.
This was short lived as I was let go several months later. This was due to a combination of new VC ownership buying out previous ownership (to give you a sense, the company will probably have about $50mm in 2012 revenue) and personal issues that are still plaguing my life. I had already been registered for a pre-MBA financial cert program at an M7 school, and being that I was now unemployed, I decided to just focus on those for a few weeks before diving back into job hunting.
Weeks turned into months and months have almost turned into a year. I’ve completely shut out everyone in my life, decade long friends, my former coworkers, and my family. Without my job behind me, I could no longer make those same calls I was making 6 months prior to bankers. Day after day it has felt like another enormous weight has been placed on my back. “Who the fuck would hire me?” is a consistent thought as I think back over this past almost-year. I went from having 1000 things to do and being prideful in my work, to having nothing but the thoughts between my head.
I was too embarrassed to apply for unemployment (“Why do I deserve it, I’m fucking useless”) and that feeling, like every other, has only compounded as these long months have gone by. Back in the spring, my apartment lease came up. My only option was to move back into the house that I fucking grew up in… as a 26 year old. For over 6 months, my roommate has been my mom. My parents divorced over 3 years ago, and in that time she has spent over $400k in lawyer bills (of maybe $1 million total) trying to invent the most ridiculous stories about my dad. The stories I could tell you are absolutely ridiculous and are a great deal of what plagued the end of my job.
I’ve dealt with this complete soul crushing feeling, which has now morphed itself into an absolutely terrible beast. I’ve spent every waking moment trying not to actively think about my life for like 40 god damned fucking weeks. I’ve expended all of my energy trying to not think about my 4k credit card bill I stopped paying back in April; that I’ve ignored every facebook/email/phone call from good, good, good friends for almost a year; that my phone was turned off back in June and I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone for help; that I haven’t filed my 2011 taxes nor have I applied for unemployment because why the fuck do I deserve that; that my mom cries her eyes out for 12 hours a day and seethes with rage the other 12; that I haven’t talked to my dad in almost a year; that I’ve thought about killing myself every single moment of every single one of these days for going on almost a year when I have to think about reality.
There aren’t very many options at this point, and so I’m here searching for some advice… something that will connect and stop this madness because I simply cannot bear it anymore. I’ve been too proud of a person to burden anyone with this because what is my pain compared to most of the shit that happens to people in life and why should mine be any more important. For almost a year I haven’t even allowed myself to cry, but I just want to release this grip my mind has on me so I can go back to living my life and pursuing all of those doors that I had opened, instead of laying in the bed I slept in when I was in middle school, watching my 27th birthday come and go.
First off, if you feel like you might hurt yourself, you shoudl definitely seek out some help asap. I was fired and unemployed for a while as well, so I know how you're feeling. It sounds like the family issues have somehow hurt your confidence which is not allowing you to push forward.
You sound like a very smart and motivated guy which is evidenced by your CEO continuously promoting you. You need to take that track record and grab it and sell the shit out of it on your resume. Send me your resume - [email protected] and I'll take a look. Also, if you need some help filling in the gap in time on your resume, I can have you do some stuff for WSO/JDO that will take minimal hours per week but will make it seem like you continued your track involced with start-ups.
Send me a message and connect with me on LinkedIn and I'll try to help out.
Talk soon,
Patrick
WSO Conference 2013
Private Certified User Chat
Patrick, I have to say this -
Patrick, I have to say this - you're the man.
I'm a little younger than you
I'm a little younger than you are but I have experienced a major career setback that turned me severely depressed and borderline suicidal. I bounced back later and it all feels better now. I can relate to the overwhelming sense of despair you must feel now but one I would second Patrick in saying that if you feel this weight becoming unbearable you should first and foremost seek professional help. We can't deal with this on our own sometimes. Second I want to say that what helped me through this period were friends and family. You have to be open to them and share with them your feelings. They will console you and go to bat for you in connecting you with new jobs. More importantly they will help you see things from angles you might be unaware of--if you spend all your time on this site It will seem like wall st is the only path to happiness in life. Hardly.
Being isolated will push you down a spiral of endless despair and feeling of self worthlessness. Surely this will not help you present yourself going into future interviews. To have some pillar in your life at a time like this will be more powerful than whatever interview training prep money can buy.
Patrick is a legit dude.
Patrick is a legit dude.
repost
repost
That sucks... You learned the
That sucks...
You learned the hard way that telling your employer that you have other plan than being entirely dedicated to the work he is giving you is not always a good thing.
The first thing you need to do is really to call friends, you need to have great time and stop wondering why're you're such a loser, which obviously you're not. You just made a mistake as everyone do, just accept it and go over it.
I'll tell you why you deserve
To the starving man, beans are caviar
Why do you worry without
Dude, Everyone here has solid
Hey dude, The first thing I
Hang in there dude...Many of
F. Ro Jo: Patrick, I have to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
This. A lot of years ago I
Lots of good people on this
Night putter.
You sound clinically
Wow this site truly amazes me
WallStreetOasis.com: proxya
Because when you're in a room full of smart people, smart suddenly doesn't matter—interesting is what matters.
hey there your post really
This whole thread makes me
I don't pretend to have all
This helps me a lot, maybe it
Bro, hang in there. I've been
A response from you,
"Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?"
Get some help. I'm really
philosophizingphilosoraptor:
BuyersRemorse: Hang in there
It has been at least 2 months
Power and Money do not change men; they only unmask them
amufb1: A response from you,
Remember life is a marathon
Edmundo
Proxy I'm in the same boat.
Let me start off by saying
I hate victims who respect their executioners
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