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Silly Shit Interns Do
 

AVPGuerilla's picture
IB
 
Points)
 on 1/30/13 at 1:30pm
summer analysts

This was a originally posted June 2012 but is a great refresher for the incoming intern class this summer

So the interns are out in full force. Hoards of them.

(Before I get into this-- I have no idea why they are called "SA's" these days- they will always be interns to me.)

I digress. I'm going to keep this brief and to the point, hopefully it's helpful to some young monkeys out there. But first, a joke:

What's the difference between a sperm and a lawyer?
The sperm has at least a 1/10,000 chance of becoming a human being.

I digress again. Here is the list:

Interns:
1) Stick out their hand for a shake EVERYWHERE, EVERY TIME they see you. It's getting to be comical, and I'm about to start leaving these f*ckers hanging. Rule of thumb: don't shake hands when you casually bump into colleagues- in the subway, in the elevator, especially in the restroom- thou shalt not shake hands UNLESS i) you are meeting a senior person for the first time OR ii) if a hand is shown, obviously you shake it.

2) seem not to realize that suit vents need to be clipped. I'm talking about those little flaps on your suitjacket that hang around your ass. They come sewn together - but you're supposed to clip that little string.

3) should watch what they say to one another on the subway. We're listening. Even if we have earphones in, we may have the sound on mute to see if you're shitting on your group. We are smarter than you. Never forget that.

4) should not be concerned about the brand that you're wearing. We don't expect you to come in wearing a hickey suit, Ferragamos and a Hermes tie. In fact, if you do dress as well as I do, I'll probably assume you're a spoiled little shit because I know for a FACT that you don't earn enough to drop $3,000 on one day's wardrobe.

5) should not wear watches that are better than your superior's watch. See #4 logic.  Some fucking intern was flashing around the cafe in a patek the other day. Seriously? I assumed it was his fathers, I also assumed the kid has a self esteem issue. Why else would an intern be wearing a 30k watch? Is he trying to make a statement? Well the only statement he made was "im a douchewaffle." good intern watch: tissot.

6) should not leave the office before I do. Sit there and surf the internet or something- don't leave before your colleagues. 

7) should only talk about their background when asked. I don't care what you did in high school. When you talk about that shit I feel old - you want me to feel good when I talk to you. Not old. (brotip: bankers like to talk about themselves - generally speaking, we are arrogant and love to gloat about the deals we've structured. Ask us about that - oe our families- and we'll talk your ears off)

8)  wear big shirts. Maybe this is just me, but all the interns I see seem to swim in their dress shirts. Make sure your shit fits!

9) should be wary of the company they keep- you will be judged by it. 

10) should NOT talk about fake IDs. I ask if you're 21- if you're not, say "no". Don't say "no, but I have a fake."  This was actually said to me by my "mentee". Do you really think I'm going to hit the bar with you if you're not 21? Not a chance in hell. 

Hopefully this means I will see fewer sewn suit vents, because that shit really gets under my skin.

Step 1: Dream the Dream || Step 2: Live the Dream || Step 3: Rinse, repeat.
Tags:
bfin's picture

streetwannabe: bfin: stre

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,770
 
Points)
 on 6/13/12 at 11:15pm

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

streetwannabe's picture

bfin: streetwannabe: bfin

(King Kong, 1,316
 
Points)
 on 6/13/12 at 11:37pm

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

AVPGuerilla's picture

To all you silly shitheads

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 7:17am

Step 1: Dream the Dream || Step 2: Live the Dream || Step 3: Rinse, repeat.

AVPGuerilla's picture

WreckEmFinance: streetwanna

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 7:26am

Step 1: Dream the Dream || Step 2: Live the Dream || Step 3: Rinse, repeat.

IBD.Addict's picture

streetwannabe: blastoise: w

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 8:44am

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.

IBD.Addict's picture

Thoroughly enjoyed your post.

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 8:47am

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.

All American Reject's picture

AVPGuerilla: If any if you

CF
(Baboon, 105
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 9:02am
SECfinance's picture

blastoise: why do we have to

IB
(King Kong, 1,414
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 9:25am
Unforseen's picture

You really wouldn't wear a

(King Kong, 1,099
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 9:46am

Check out my Blog

j.park12's picture

This is gold haha, I think

ST
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 10:18am

-J. Park.

bfin's picture

j.park12: This is gold haha,

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,770
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 10:37am

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

TheMilkman's picture

Thanks for the post, as an

 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 10:53am
WreckEmFinance's picture

AVPGuerilla: WreckEmFinance

O
(Baboon, 144
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 10:54am

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

ibanking0801's picture

uconn is not in hartford

(Chimp, 10
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 11:51am
Do what I gotta do's picture

SlikRick: When I interned at

(Monkey, 53
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 12:46pm
bearcats's picture

ibanking0801: uconn is not in

HF
(Orangutan, 271
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 12:51pm
Disincentivy's picture

Also, interns: Do not stare

VC
(Gorilla, 713
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 12:52pm

I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.

See my WSO blog posts

RE Capital Markets's picture

AVPGuerilla: To all you silly

RE
(Gorilla, 649
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 1:09pm

Man made money, money never made the man

Oreos's picture

Disincentivy: Also, interns:

HF
(Neanderthal, 2,445
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 1:10pm
Disincentivy's picture

Oreos: Disincentivy: Also,

VC
(Gorilla, 713
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 1:15pm

I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.

See my WSO blog posts

technoviking's picture

Tuxedo Jacket

O
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 1:43pm
WallStreetOasis.com's picture

WreckEmFinance: Again, this

EN
(Human, 12,033
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 2:02pm

WSO Conference 2013

Private Certified User Chat

Bearearns's picture

# 10 is too funny.

(Orangutan, 275
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 3:20pm
Bearearns's picture

# 10 is too funny.

(Orangutan, 275
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 3:21pm
SECfinance's picture

Unforseen: You really

IB
(King Kong, 1,414
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 3:48pm
WreckEmFinance's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: WreckE

O
(Baboon, 144
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 4:53pm

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

rufiolove's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: Or the

IB
(Neanderthal, 3,216
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 5:07pm

1/2 of the WSO Bash Brothers
"Licensed to Ill It"
We all know Bro J did it...

WallStreetOasis.com's picture

WreckEmFinance: WallStreetO

EN
(Human, 12,033
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 5:18pm

WSO Conference 2013

Private Certified User Chat

WallStreetOasis.com's picture

rufiolove: WallStreetOasis.

EN
(Human, 12,033
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 5:20pm

WSO Conference 2013

Private Certified User Chat

rufiolove's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: WreckE

IB
(Neanderthal, 3,216
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 7:33pm

1/2 of the WSO Bash Brothers
"Licensed to Ill It"
We all know Bro J did it...

marketbeater's picture

SECfinance: blastoise: why

(Monkey, 39
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 8:58pm
bfin's picture

ibanking0801: uconn is not in

CF
(Neanderthal, 2,770
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 9:13pm

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

streetwannabe's picture

DominikKania: streetwannabe

(King Kong, 1,316
 
Points)
 on 6/14/12 at 11:29pm

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

Ace6904's picture

blackjack21: I don't give a

CF
(Baboon, 159
 
Points)
 on 6/15/12 at 1:08am
IBD.Addict's picture

RE Capital

IB
 
Points)
 on 6/15/12 at 10:15am

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.

txjustin's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: WreckE

O
(Neanderthal, 2,447
 
Points)
 on 6/15/12 at 1:58pm
PonyUp's picture

Our T&L allows you to expense

O
(Chimp, 7
 
Points)
 on 6/15/12 at 3:10pm

Invest in yourself; that's from where the real wealth comes.

TesticularElephantitis's picture

Okay, I read through all the

O
(Baboon, 132
 
Points)
 on 6/15/12 at 8:16pm

Nothing can stop me.

BigEasyTiger's picture

WreckEmFinance: WallStreetO

AM
(Chimp, 3
 
Points)
 on 6/16/12 at 11:50am
mk0000's picture

streetwannabe: blastoise: w

(Baboon, 109
 
Points)
 on 6/16/12 at 2:14pm
ming7879's picture

i am on the bottom rung. i

(Chimp, 2
 
Points)
 on 6/16/12 at 9:54pm
CoochieMane's picture

streetwannabe: I get to go on

(Baboon, 171
 
Points)
 on 6/17/12 at 11:42pm
KeepCalm's picture

Double Post

IB
(Monkey, 54
 
Points)
 on 6/17/12 at 11:48pm
KeepCalm's picture

Double Post

IB
(Monkey, 54
 
Points)
 on 6/17/12 at 11:49pm
KeepCalm's picture

Great tips from OP. I think

IB
(Monkey, 54
 
Points)
 on 6/17/12 at 11:46pm
TonyPerkis's picture

streetwannabe: Connor: jj

AM
(King Kong, 1,571
 
Points)
 on 6/18/12 at 8:40am

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

TonyPerkis's picture

WallStreetOasis.com: WreckE

AM
(King Kong, 1,571
 
Points)
 on 6/18/12 at 8:45am

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

IRRelevent's picture

1."I have nothing to do" 2.

PE
(Monkey, 51
 
Points)
 on 6/18/12 at 7:33pm
WreckEmFinance's picture

the barren asshole of america

O
(Baboon, 144
 
Points)
 on 6/18/12 at 9:41pm

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

WreckEmFinance's picture

i love all this attention i'm

O
(Baboon, 144
 
Points)
 on 6/18/12 at 9:46pm

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

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