11/19/15

Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - This was a originally posted in June 2012

So the interns are out in full force. Hoards of them.

(Before I get into this-- I have no idea why they are called "SA's" these days- they will always be interns to me.)

I digress. I'm going to keep this brief and to the point, hopefully it's helpful to some young monkeys out there. But first, a joke:

What's the difference between a sperm and a lawyer?
The sperm has at least a 1/10,000 chance of becoming a human being.

I digress again. Here is the list:

Interns:
1) Stick out their hand for a shake EVERYWHERE, EVERY TIME they see you. It's getting to be comical, and I'm about to start leaving these f*ckers hanging. Rule of thumb: don't shake hands when you casually bump into colleagues- in the subway, in the elevator, especially in the restroom- thou shalt not shake hands UNLESS i) you are meeting a senior person for the first time OR ii) if a hand is shown, obviously you shake it.

2) seem not to realize that suit vents need to be clipped. I'm talking about those little flaps on your suitjacket that hang around your ass. They come sewn together - but you're supposed to clip that little string.

3) should watch what they say to one another on the subway. We're listening. Even if we have earphones in, we may have the sound on mute to see if you're shitting on your group. We are smarter than you. Never forget that.

4) should not be concerned about the brand that you're wearing. We don't expect you to come in wearing a hickey suit, Ferragamos and a Hermes tie. In fact, if you do dress as well as I do, I'll probably assume you're a spoiled little shit because I know for a FACT that you don't earn enough to drop $3,000 on one day's wardrobe.

5) should not wear watches that are better than your superior's watch. See #4 logic. Some fucking intern was flashing around the cafe in a patek the other day. Seriously? I assumed it was his fathers, I also assumed the kid has a self esteem issue. Why else would an intern be wearing a 30k watch? Is he trying to make a statement? Well the only statement he made was "im a douchewaffle." good intern watch: tissot.

6) should not leave the office before I do. Sit there and surf the internet or something- don't leave before your colleagues.

7) should only talk about their background when asked. I don't care what you did in high school. When you talk about that shit I feel old - you want me to feel good when I talk to you. Not old. (brotip: bankers like to talk about themselves - generally speaking, we are arrogant and love to gloat about the deals we've structured. Ask us about that - oe our families- and we'll talk your ears off)

8) wear big shirts. Maybe this is just me, but all the interns I see seem to swim in their dress shirts. Make sure your shit fits!

9) should be wary of the company they keep- you will be judged by it.

10) should NOT talk about fake IDs. I ask if you're 21- if you're not, say "no". Don't say "no, but I have a fake." This was actually said to me by my "mentee". Do you really think I'm going to hit the bar with you if you're not 21? Not a chance in hell.

Hopefully this means I will see fewer sewn suit vents, because that shit really gets under my skin.

Comments (146)

Best Response
6/13/12

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6/13/12
6/13/12

"An investment in knowledge pays the best interest."

6/13/12
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6/13/12
In reply to West Coast Analyst
6/13/12

Nothing short of everything will really do.

6/13/12
6/13/12
6/13/12
6/13/12
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12
In reply to blastoise
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12
In reply to blastoise
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to streetwannabe
6/13/12
6/13/12
In reply to marketbeater
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to jjcannon
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12
In reply to jjcannon
6/13/12
In reply to BTbanker
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12
In reply to streetwannabe
6/13/12
In reply to blastoise
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to bonks
6/13/12

Power and Money do not change men; they only unmask them

6/13/12
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6/13/12
In reply to blackjack21
6/13/12
6/13/12

couldn't let go of my pair of aces...

In reply to JohnAnthony7
6/13/12
In reply to JohnAnthony7
6/13/12
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to Falcon
6/13/12
In reply to JohnAnthony7
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

In reply to WreckEmFinance
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/13/12
In reply to RE Capital Markets
6/13/12

Power and Money do not change men; they only unmask them

In reply to FlakieBear
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

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6/13/12
In reply to SlikRick
6/13/12
In reply to kidflash
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to streetwannabe
6/13/12

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

In reply to bfin
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to streetwannabe
6/13/12

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

In reply to streetwannabe
6/13/12

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

In reply to bfin
6/13/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

6/14/12

Step 1: Dream the Dream || Step 2: Live the Dream || Step 3: Rinse, repeat.

In reply to WreckEmFinance
6/14/12

Step 1: Dream the Dream || Step 2: Live the Dream || Step 3: Rinse, repeat.

In reply to streetwannabe
6/14/12

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.

6/14/12

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.

In reply to AVPGuerilla
6/14/12
In reply to blastoise
6/14/12

MM IB -> Corporate Development

6/14/12
6/14/12

Mr.Mathie | Ideas are nothing without execution - Jeux de Commerce Central

In reply to Mr.Mathie
6/14/12

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

6/14/12

DLJ Analyst Class '96

In reply to AVPGuerilla
6/14/12

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

6/14/12

"An investment in knowledge pays the best interest."

In reply to SlikRick
6/14/12
In reply to tcufinance0801
6/14/12
6/14/12

I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.

See my WSO blog posts

In reply to AVPGuerilla
6/14/12

Man made money, money never made the man

In reply to Disincentivy
6/14/12

"After you work on Wall Street it's a choice, would you rather work at McDonalds or on the sell-side? I would choose McDonalds over the sell-side." - David Tepper

In reply to oreos
6/14/12

I may not be on the Jedi Council, but I sure am great with the Force.

See my WSO blog posts

6/14/12
In reply to WreckEmFinance
6/14/12
6/14/12
6/14/12
In reply to Unforseen
6/14/12

MM IB -> Corporate Development

In reply to WallStreetOasis.com
6/14/12

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

In reply to WallStreetOasis.com
6/14/12
In reply to WreckEmFinance
6/14/12
In reply to rufiolove
6/14/12
In reply to WallStreetOasis.com
6/14/12
In reply to SECfinance
6/14/12
In reply to tcufinance0801
6/14/12

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

In reply to IBD.Addict
6/14/12

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."

In reply to blackjack21
6/15/12
In reply to RE Capital Markets
6/15/12

Competition never sleeps. Then again, chances are that neither do you.

In reply to WallStreetOasis.com
6/15/12
6/15/12

Invest in yourself; that's from where the real wealth comes.

6/15/12

Nothing can stop me.

In reply to WreckEmFinance
6/16/12
In reply to streetwannabe
6/16/12
In reply to streetwannabe
6/17/12
6/17/12
6/17/12
6/17/12
In reply to streetwannabe
6/18/12

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

In reply to WallStreetOasis.com
6/18/12

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

6/18/12
6/18/12

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

6/18/12

"Everything comes to those who hustle while they wait."
-Thomas Edison

6/18/12

Get busy living

6/19/12

I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. ... If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade at all. A trade by which one gains and the other loses is a fraud.

6/19/12

Eventus stultorum magister.

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"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."

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10/9/14

"It is better to have a friendship based on business, than a business based on friendship." - Rockefeller.

"Live fast, die hard. Leave a good looking body." - Navy SEAL

In reply to littlebitconfuzzled
10/9/14

"It is better to have a friendship based on business, than a business based on friendship." - Rockefeller.

"Live fast, die hard. Leave a good looking body." - Navy SEAL

10/9/14

I'm bi-winning. I win here, and I win there.

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"Fugazi, Fugazy. It's a wazi. It's a woozy."

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Tissot Visodate

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