Would Anyone Care to Review My Pitch

I've already accepted a FT HF offer, so at this point I'm focused less on generating ideas for interviews and more so on refining my existing process for when I start. Would anyone like to review one of my recent pitches from a process/logic/formatting/pacing/etc standpoint?

Thanks

 

Pm me as well, I'm just curious as to how you structured it etc

Just an Undergrad trying to get a job. Something you disagree or dislike about my posts? Let me know by PM'ing me or commenting constructive criticism.
 

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