advice: girl using me to get a job - what to do?

Run.

-

Absolutely do not help her out. If you "help" her and she doesn't get the job, who is she going to blame? 

Run as far away as fast as you can. There's about 87 red flags with this interaction already. She began the interaction under false pretenses. There's nothing honest about that. It's Tinder...like you said, if she wanted to network, go to LinkedIn. On the bright side, you now know her motives and you can move on without having to meet her. There is literally no positive outcome from pursuing further interactions here. 

I would cut it completely off, but do it respectively.

Go on the date and play her. She stupidly revealed her hand too early so you now have all the leverage. Go on the date, enjoy the meal, enjoy the company and then get her to come back to yours (doubt it will even take much given how desperately she wants this referral). Once you have had your fun, just pretend you have her name to HR and continue living your life. Don’t block her, because she might feel played and create some drama though.

Anyone who says they are on tinder to professionally network is full of shit. Also catfish vibes anyone?

nix that. shes a dime a dozen. dont need that negative energy in ur life brotha. never put ur job titles on apps. just keep school dont need that snakiness 

If she was smart she would have gotten the referral and made it seem like there was some possibility to smash, like a carrot on a stick.  But instead she gave it away to early.  She should get better at closing deals before she becomes a banker.

If someone did this in my view, it's quite literally the same standard of guys messaging women on LinkedIn with cringey pick-up lines. 

Personally, I would reply: "Try LinkedIn next time." and ignore/remove her. I agree with the above posts that using something like Tinder of all things for networking is pretty shallow and calculated attempt to leverage looks for networking. 

If anything, I admire her honesty in admitting it before you met up and she told you this face to face. Friend had a situation in the past where someone "casually" steered the conversation to career and advice and it was reminiscent of an informational coffee chat. Kills the mood instantly.  

"You are not my bank's type"

Bro seriously? She's manipulating you so hard rn, absolutely don't go on a date w/ this girl who's dangling something that will never manifest in front of you

Pass on that.

Here's why: she only made her intentions clear after the meeting was set. Had she been honest since the first message, I’d say help her out. I doubt she's on Tinder just to network (benefit of the doubt.) She probably saw your profile and recognized an opportunity greater than hooking up.

Perhaps omit the IB info from your profile unless that's how you're increasing your market value for the dating scene. Could weed out these types of women.

Just ignore her last message; stop wasting your time and continue your search.

I've thought about doing this once, and if I've thought of it, that means it's a really bad idea. Agree with others, best to avoid and possibly block in case of potential HR issues in the future.

Your priority is your career.  

Disgusting. Report her on the dating app. Complete waste of everybody's time

Sometimes I can't tell if these posts are real, but to echo others, there is literally no way this ends well for you if you don't just unmatch and forget about it at this point.

I agree that the catfish potential on this one is pretty high - by far the most likely scenario. 

But the real question is why your actual profession is on your profile to begin with. Don't do that. You should 100% be trying to keep anything about your work as hidden as you can. People have all kinds of reactions to those working in banks and a lot of them are not positive. And I'm not talking just about dating either; any time you are in a social situation or otherwise meeting people for the first time you should be lying about your actual work. People lost their homes to your fund in 2008, people's wages are being garnished by your bank's credit card collections team right now - and you're out there saying what you do for work??? I always tell people, "I work in IT, fixing people's anti-virus and stuff . . ." - never, ever tell a person you don't know your real work. 

How is this even a question? Run, and don't look back.

When someone tells/shows you who they are, believe them. I mean this woman isn't shit, but at least she told you what to expect. If you continue to pursue this any further then anything bad that happens is on you. I think you know what you should do. You've already given her too much of your attention, and this is the type of shit that would make me want to make sure she doesn't get the job.

You shouldn't even have bothered to respond. You should have unmatched immediately after that ridiculous message and moved on.

OP, as others have said - tell her you’re not interested (or just block her) and move on. Please don’t be a simp and meet her in the hope that you can win her round (here’s a clue - you won’t, if she was interested in you and the job she wouldn’t have ruled out any type of hook-up).

Also is she someone you would want to meet? Sure she might be hot but as others have said using a dating site as a back door to networking is really low - it comes across as a bit deceitful and very disrespectful. She sounds like a person who has got through life on her looks and will happily use people for her purposes, regardless of the impact on their feelings.

So for your own sake please have some self-respect and don’t meet her - you can do much better. Don’t waste your time and money on her.

Seriously I’ve met girls like this and they’re not worth associating with. Note that’s a comment on people not girls particularly - equally there douchebag guys out there with model looks (and not much else) who also use women. If you were a girl and you’d said a guy had approached you like this online, I’d give them the same advice - tell the person to get lost.

You can do (and deserve) much better OP.

Ghost her or tell her to fuck off. There's no way you're gonna "go on a date in the future", she's totally using you. 

🤣🤣🤣

I can’t believe you’re being so nice to her and actually responding. I’d send her a gif of a monkey throwing shit, tell her to fuck off, and dip.

Ghost her. In fact, block her. The last thing you want is for her to misconstrue the conversation to look like you would refer her only if she hooked up with you.

Sounds like a walking red flag. This interaction has significant risk with very marginal upside for you.

best bit is this catfishing hardo is probably on here reading this and fuming. 

That’s fucking cold. Grab your nuts and walk away

Anonymous Monkey

I'm an investment banking associate, and met a hot girl on a dating app Tinder. We started messaging and eventually agreed to go out for drinks next week.

After setting up the date she messaged me saying "just to make you aware before meeting, I'm not interested in hooking up. I only matched with you as I saw you're an investment banker and I'm looking to build a network with you as I'm interested in applying to your bank's graduate analyst programme and would appreciate your advice and if you're impressed with my experience and skills to see if you would be able to recommend me to HR?"

I was really caught of guard with this, and I was also quite hurt inside because we met on a dating app and just as I thought a hot girl was finally interested in a potential relationship with me.. it turns out she was only interested in networking for a job. So I replied quite bluntly "well yes I can recommend you if I wanted to, but I don't want to waste my time.. I only want to meet if we can hook up"

Then she replied saying "you only think about hooking up because I'm a woman and ignore the fact I can add value, you should widen your recognition and perspective and stop only thinking about hooking up."

I replied saying "Well we met on a dating app, go to LinkedIn if you want to network"

She replied "yes you're right - but I would still love to meet from a networking perspective, and maybe after if there is a connection between us we can go on a date in the future"

I really have no idea what to do here. Any advice?

Dude, walk away, stop falling for she looks hot, work on your ability to vet women.

Shoulda replied "you only think about networking because I'm an investment banker and ignore the fact I have a personal life, you should widen your recognition and perspective and stop only thinking about networking"

You dodged a big bullet

Many of the posters have given you solid advice and I have nothing more to add there. However, something from your post that struck me is it sounds like you have your firm name on your Tinder profile (her saying ‘I'm interested in applying to your bank's graduate analyst programme’). I would remove that ASAP. Two reasons: 1) it avoids future problems on Tinder of people trying to use the app for networking to place into your bank and 2) You never know what one bad date with the information at their hands of your name, job and firm could lead to.

Lol, I love coming here, browsing for a few mins, reading posts like this, and immediately feeling grateful for my life.

Thanks man, needed this boost as I’m fighting the flu.

Love that you couldn’t help yourself and still has to respond to her instead of insta blocking her.

You're lucky she was honest w/ you. It's not a big deal. She's likely on Tinder to hook up and then spotted the opportunity to network. Doubt she was going on Tinder to find networking opportunities (if she is she's a fool). But the fact that she was honest and told you her intentions makes it easy for you to now disengage. Bullet dodged. 

Don't meet with her and tell her to piss off. Make sure not to recommend her. 

I am not an expert on the subject matter but it sounds rather bizarre she said that.

You need to find other options. The fact you are thinking about this so much and took time to write this is bad. 

Stay well and clear. It’s pretty unethical to be networking off the cuff like that from a dating app. Then to bluntly start with the expectation of a referral is overly presumptuous.

I personally wouldn’t have responded saying I only wanted to meet up to hook up, but that’s me.

Lmao, is the ethnicity of this girl Asian?