Envy towards people in better positions
I was talking to some of my friends from sixth form who went to Cambridge/Oxford recently and they all got into BB IBs and EBs and I told them about my applications for IB for this cycle.
I realised that they are already 2nd year analysts and I still haven't even got a fucking IB internship. Even if I do eventually end up in IB, they will most likely be in even better situations - by the time I get into IB (if I ever do), they will be in private equity.
I feel embarrassed and so envious knowing that I would just be an intern while they are almost finishing their time as analysts ffs even though we are the same fucking age.
It just reinforces the fact that if I had just worked harder in the past and did better in my A-Levels and went to Cambridge/Oxford myself I might have also had an elite career path like them where they are succeeding at every single stage, whereas I'm fighting for crumbs like a fucking street dog. IB is a far cry away and I might not even get into Big 4 transactions/corporate finance.
I've fucked up so badly man it's actually ridiculous. I still regret it to this day. So many nights I'm just up at 3am thinking what could've been if I had just worked harder when I was 16/17. I know I'm not entitled to anything and there are objectively better applicants with 4A*s at A Level and Oxford/Cambridge undergrads with multiple amazing internships at top firms who obviously deserve it over me. But I always thought you had second chances in life and growing up that's what we were always told where we just need to work hard and try again. But the reality of life is so different. I was told by a recruiter at one bank that my A Levels would get me auto-rejected and filtered out even though I've tried to make the most of my situation since then. It honestly feels like all the work I put in after my A-Levels were for nothing since I am constantly being punished for mistakes I made in the past. It seems you only really get one chance in life because there are so many people with stellar profiles who have never made any mistakes who are ready to replace you and take your place. And once you fall off the train you can't get back on. At best you can wait for the next one to arrive and do your best to get on that one, but you will always be behind the train you were initially on and won't reach the heights you could've done. Your career trajectory will be flatter and there will be a ceiling you can't overcome smh. Fml. It's just so shit to have that empty feeling of regret man. There's really nothing like it. No amount of physical pain compares to that internal black hole in your stomach that makes it feel like you can't breath and that you're drowning whenever you reflect on your journey so far and realise that you let yourself down. Even smoking cigarettes doesn't help with the stress because that empty feeling is always there. It's like that scene in Interstellar when he's the tesseract at the end and he's looking into the past and is screaming - that's exactly how I feel when I reminisce about when I was 17 and think back to a few memories of myself then and they just haunt me now knowing I would do anything to go back in time and rewrite the mistakes I've made.
Your hours spent on WSO are very concerning
Can we please IP ban this troll already?
I'm not trolling ffs how many times do I have to tell you this?
I did do bad in my A Levels and I did go to a non target undergrad. I did get a first class degree and I am doing a master's at LSE with the intention of getting into IB.
What part of that do you not understand?
What is the point of your posts though? You're not asking any questions and as you yourself noticed you won't be able to catch up with people who did better than you
Too late—he has an alt account
"No amount of physical pain compares" lol
Sure that's an exaggeration and there are torture methods that are absolute hell, but I was more so referring to the emotional pain from having the regret and not being good enough.
There's a lot of comments making fun of this post but there are definitely a lot of cases of the above in terms of not getting where you want to at the start.
You do realise that going straight into a BB IB after college, and then breaking into PE straight after 2 years is actually a rare tough feat and not just a "given"? The VAST majority of people (>99%) before you and in the future, will have to deal/navigate NOT getting into the very top graduate programs in the world.
At the end of the day, you have 1 life - and what's happened has happened. You can either wallow in your own misery and compare to others, complain about the past (which can never be changed) or stand up on two fkn feet, get to work and fight for where you want to go.
This is the pathway you are on for whatever life decisions that led you here. Embrace it, fight, and you can achieve what you dream of.
"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realise this and you will find strength" - Marcus Aurelius
Comparison is the thief of joy
Cope
Is it bad these have secretly become my favorite WSO posts? It's like how many different ways can OP wallow in self-pity, I'm already eagerly awaiting the next one
You probably don't want to hear this but maybe just come to peace with the potential fact that you are just not good enough, which is perfectly okay. And I am sorry. I’ am sorry you are a hothouse flower. That you are nothing. You are curdled cream. Maybe you should write a book or collect sports cars or something. But for the world? Nah. I am sorry. You’re not made for it.
Already posted this comment
Charlie Munger on Self-Pity: "Generally speaking, envy, resentment, revenge, and self-pity are disastrous modes of thought. Self-pity gets pretty close to paranoia… Every time you find your drifting into self-pity, I don’t care what the cause, your child could be dying from cancer, self-pity is not going to improve the situation. It’s a ridiculous way to behave. Life will have terrible blows, horrible blows, unfair blows, it doesn’t matter. Some people recover and others don’t. There I think the attitude of Epictetus is the best. He thought that every mischance in life was an opportunity to behave well. Every mischance in life was an opportunity to learn something and that your duty was not to be immersed in self-pity, but to utilize the terrible blow in a constructive fashion. That is a very good idea."
Listen to Charlie Munger OP.
What happened to the good bye after watching fight club? Not a man of his words.
Just been raging so much and trying to vent. I can't cope with the fact that I might not get in.
You compare yourself to others too much, bro. Also, when you get into IB (if you do), it will be miserable hours. You are looking forward to the misery? You'll probably spend 2 weeks under heavy hours and want something else.
This industry is for men not weak boys. Mentally and physically beating yourself up will get you nowhere (where you are right now). Look back on what you did wrong, apply to the future and keep pushing you only lose when u give up. Plus comparing yourself to other men is kinda gay. Who cares where they are today they could be hit by a bus tomorrow.
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