Looks pretty good. I'd probably tighten it up a bit, especially the first bullet which could either be broken into more bullets or made more succinct. In deal experience you might be able to change the style of the wording around a bit to cut out things like "staffed on" (its implicit) or "sole analyst" (I would assume theres usually only 1 analyst on any deal team; saying this could imply that with the other transactions you were one of many analysts). Overall very solid though - you'd be fine sending as is, but since you asked for some feedback...

 

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