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Career Resources
This one is always funny: pencils down.
Plz handle k thks Need to iterate on this Don’t go overboard We are dangerously close - invariably we weren’t
let's hit the alligator closest to the canoe
"pls show client resurgence in industry" "get creative this isn't a science" "wtf ER put a sell rating on our client" "get that guy back from vacation" "make better"
"get that guy back from vacation" is an underrated one.
'let's massage these numbers' is my all time favorite
"We've gotta handle the longest pole in the tent"
This sounds straight out of a cheap porn movie
"Erm.. why is the deck at v81... can we plz reset to v1"
They know why its at 81...
“Right, so...” “It’s just MATH”
From 10 minutes ago, without having explained the context of this assignment at all:
"I WAS THINKING MAINLY x. IF THERE ARE y'S, MAYBE WE PUT THOSE IN TOO? THINK ABOUT IT AND COME BACK TO ME. I WANT THIS TO BE USERFRIENDLY"
Others
"I find it hard to believe..."
After confirming that I have closed the loop on a huge headache that I managed to shield him from entirely:
"Cool"
I've seen this MD paradox posted around the internet: "Don't spend all night on this champ, but I need this on my desk first thing in the morning"
This is too real. "I don't want you staying late but..." at 11pm at night.
"Please change this slide" to fucking what? "Guys our slides need more pop I am thinking our presentations should look more mckinsey'esque" " plz find (vague description of file) for me" * MD refused access to the team server because he didn't feel he should be looking for a file
This sounds like sheer horror. Imagine how long it takes to change a deck from pragmatic to McKinsey
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
"Please add this guy to our list."
The guy is already on the list. Always.
"your raise will be effective when you are"
"She's built like brick shithouse, but the face could stop a freight train."
On what occasion would the MD say this?
It was used to describe a Cocktail Waitress. It implies that she has an amazing body but an ugly face. We all had to ask because we had not idea wtf he said.
Apparently... A brick Shit-house - implies that the utility is over-engineered. Face that could stop a freight train - Self explanatory
“Her face could make a freight train take a dirt road”
"I need a pot to shit in but there's piss all over the seat"
A brick in the washing machine.
this is the only analogy/simile I don't understand on this thread. Care to explain?
youtube brick in washing machine, all will become clear.
"They're moving slower than a herd of turtles in a dust storm"
Lots of cricket references.... 1. "Play a straight bat" 2. "It's a bit of a sticky wicket" 3. "Let's bowl them an outside ball and see if they bat it back" 4. "They need to step up to the crease"
Standard IBD ones... 1. "Run this up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes" 2. "There's a smell of burning bridges here but I think they were already on fire" 3. "You can't put shit back in the donkey" 4. "We're going over for a fireside chat" 5. "We're in receive mode here" 6. "We need to sharpen the pencil" 7. "This is proper cavalier investment banking" 8. "Let's draw a line in the sand" 9. "Here's a starter for 10" 10. "We need to be inside the tent"
And some more amusing ones... 1. "You know what they say about divorce. Doubles the cost and halves the balance sheet" 2. "There's a lot of women who can get people to give them money but it doesn't make them good at equity sales" 3. "Apparently the Dubai version of [well known real estate agent] is looking to float. What are they selling? A 2 bed tent with space for camel parking?"
Bonus one from me to the CEO at the Christmas party after a few too many: 1. "Can I have $150 budget to go out drinking afterwards?"
Those logos look fuzzy
"Lets straighten the spaghetti on this slide"
Still don't know what my MD was trying to say...
Where do MDs get these phrases from? If I were an MD many years down the line, I feel like I would never say this sort of stuff (even though it's kind of funny).
Maybe the MDs heard it from their MDs.
They learned it during their MD summer internship
Had my MD tell our client to "Stop finger-fucking the model and make a decision"
Loudly on cell while walking through the floor: 'I'm tired of this fucking mental masturbation, quick fucking around with the scenario analysis and plant a yard stick in the dirt'.
"Daddy big bucks" "Quit sucking and blowing and get back to the model" "Big action" "Let's barf these ideas out into a deck" "He's sweating like a whore in church" "Muckity muck" "We're the 800 pound gorilla - make sure they know" "We did pretty much everything for them except drop our skirts and say insert here" "Just because you have someone bent over doesn't mean you need to stick something sharp up their ass" "Get him on the blower"
"Too many words, this literally needs to be a children's book"
Averages are like bikinis. They seem to show you everything and get you excited, but they hide the essential parts.
This one is great. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
“A good conversation is like a miniskirt, short enough to maintain interest, but long enough to cover the subject”
"these numbers don't look right. Have associate x revise them"
literally agreed with the numbers 36 hours before hand when i submitted v1 of the deck.
associate proceeds reply to same email chain 15 minutes later. "made a few changes. take a look"
MD likes the numbers now. Associate walks over and laughs about how he just forwarded the same deck on but changed the font to make it look different. no numbers were changed.
This is high finance.
"It's not bragging if it's true"