So showed this cover letter to someone, and he said I was completely ridiculous for writing these points...sigh
would you ding me, or would you pass me for a 1st round interview, if you saw this? and what should i change if you would ding me?
this is for middle markets and boutiques that might actually (probably) read the cover letter...
| +3,068 | Bank of America - Juniors Strike to start Monday May 6th | 312 | 6m | |
| +760 | BOFA ALREADY TRYING TO COVER UP THEIR TRACKS | 76 | 28m | |
| +486 | This is a dark day for Wall Street. | 30 | 10h | |
| +165 | Big Layoff at Barclays - 5/1/24 | 87 | 4h | |
| +157 | Analyst at Bofa FIG-Thoughts | 26 | 5h | |
| +122 | “Americans just work harder” | 54 | 1d | |
| +111 | Shame on you, BofA. But also, the industry needs to change. | 16 | 7h | |
| +106 | BofA List | 21 | 8h | |
| +72 | Sleeping on Jefferies??? | 35 | 1d | |
| +65 | How to strike without being fired. | 10 | 1h |
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Yea, I'd ding you
never mention WSO in an interview. you'll just look like a tool.
I dont understand...why would i look like a tool?
Your cover letter is too honest. The key to being a great banker at any level is to be able to subtly equivocate your points without lying. Brashness won't get your there. Too my knowledge, would be a ding at my firm as well.
If you have to ask...
@jt183, thanks. I like that suggestion. @blackjack, without adding any extra experience thats not on my resume right now, anyway to make it noticeable better/is it possible?
Check Pms. Should be a start
add to the post before me, it's pointless to mention BIWS if you haven't completed the course. and your remark on acceptance into columbia and upenn sounds unfounded... i'd rather see your achievement in HS or SAT scores instead. you can always tell interviewers in person why you went to semi/non target.
Fix formatting and spelling errors at least..
So what do you bring to the table? The fact that you decided to go to a semi-target instead of a target? The fact that you know what it takes to be in banking because you read WSO?
Your cover letter doesn't tell me what you will do to add value to my (or any) organization.
Additionally, saying you were accepted into UPenn and Columbia doesn't help because 1) these are ivy league schools with VERY VERY generous financial aid packages, so while your reason for attending the semi/non target university might be legit (wanted to live close to home to help with my family finances, etc) it does not come off that way and 2) no one cares where you decided not to go, you are not getting an education from Columbia/UPenn, your GPA scale is not on the same scale as these students and you are not learning the same material (or at least not in the same way).
A cover letter should tell a bank what you bring to the table, rejecting an offer from a top institution does not help the organization at all. It looks like you are trying hard to say that you are smart, but are definitely not giving off that vibe.
Just trying to help here, and this is just my personal opinion, I do not work in HR or anything related so maybe I'm wrong.
This has to be a troll post. I don't relieve this is a real cover letter.
interesting, so this did backfire on me. Alright, ill rewrite and go with a more typical cover letter. sucks I already sent it out to half the firms I was applying to..auto-ding.
Thanks to all for the input.
and no this isn't a troll post... actually a pretty grievous mistake. kicking myself in the ass for it.
uploaded my resume as well now...might as well check if I made any stupid mistakes on that too. thoughts?
anyway to fix an already sent cover letter? or is it a done deal...probably
Looked at your resume for ~30 seconds, so take this in stride:
-Should be Dean's List (with a possessive apostrophe), not Deans List. Unless, of course, you are one of your school's deans...
-Either write the word "November" or change January and August to "Jan." and "Aug."
-Delete semicolon spacing between GPA and SAT, or else change it to a vertical line: |
-Either add comma after "Belize" or else remove the commas after "AUTOCAD" and "Tennis"
-Either add the word "and" after "Library" or else remove the word "and" after "AUTOCAD" and "Tennis"
I found these in a cursory glance dude. What do you think a process-side associate or VP trained in the art of The Eye is going to see in a full minute while you walk him through your resume? Tighten your shit up homie.
When you say you read WSO, so you know what to expect, it kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Your resume is fine, your cover letter needs to be changed completely. Don't talk about what colleges you got into, but talk about what you are doing right now.
Most firms will not read the cover letter and for the ones that do it will not be a real determining factor in getting you an interview but if it sucks it can stop you from getting an interview (likely where this example falls...). Don't really try to impress with it since in my experience a good cover letter makes no difference versus a great one - just stick to the generic template.
Dear Sir or Madam, not To Whom It May Concern. Lots of problems the others noted, but on the positive side, I like the CL format with the bullet outline, just make them better / more specific to set you apart.
You're an industrial engineer...the obvious question is why do you want to go into finance? Secondly, you mention healthcare..what drew you to that field? ATL said it best, what do you bring to the company that they don't already have? Businesses exist to make money, not to give college kids a good summer experience and a name on a resume.
Wow... Incredibly bad cover letter and resume. Why didn't you get someone to read it over?
yeah this wouldn't go over well
.
is this a troll post?
That cover letter is loose butthole dude. Shape up or shop out.
no it won't get you dinged because nobody reads cover letters.
True at BBs, definitely not true at more than a few MMs and boutiques.
New cover letter! generic, how does it fare? and fixed up the sloppiness in my resume, but people are saying its still bad, ways to improve?
would appreciate the quick look and response.
The revision is not bad. It won't get you dinged. That is not to say it is exceptional, but in a world of firms who either skim through or don't read cover letters at all, it is fine.
Maybe it's just me and I'm being super picky but under activities instead of writing 'Volunteer in Library' and 'Tutor in Math', I would put 'Library Volunteer' and 'Math Tutor'. It just rolls off the tongue better and looks cleaner without the lower case 'in'. It flows better with the other stuff down there (technical, interests). I also don't like how you write stuff in parentheses. Maybe others can comment on this but I've personally never done that.
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