Warm e-mail
Hello Mr. NAME
I want to thank you and your team for coming out to [city name]. For the brief time that I talked to you and your colleagues, I was able to gain some insightful information even though the time was minimal. If possible, I would like to speak with you further regarding your work, any insight you have about the industry and advice about how one can better prepare themselves for entering private banking. I know your schedule may be busy, I can come out to [another city 1 hour away] during lunch hours or after-work as I have a somewhat flexible schedule. Thank you in advance for the opportunity.
Best Regards, [MY NAME HERE]
Is this too forward? I met him and his team and he seemed receptive, he even suggested that we could meet very briefly, is this still too direct; should I try to go for the 'date' on the 2nd e-mail? I felt a good rapport with him and his team.
just go for it.. grab her boob.. if it doesn't work out there are tons of other sluts in the sea.
*Fixed a lot of grammar, run-ons, and added verbs where necessary. Also, made it more concise.
Hello Mr. NAME
I want to thank you and your team for coming out to [city name]. For the brief time that I talked to you and your colleagues, I was able to gain some insightful information. If possible, I would like to speak with you further regarding your work, gain insight you have about the industry, and seek advice about how one can better prepare themselves for entering private banking. I know your schedule must be busy, so I can come out to [another city 1 hour away] during lunch hours or after work as I have a somewhat flexible schedule. Thank you in advance for the opportunity.
Best Regards, [MY NAME HERE]
Looking back on networking now that I am in my position I would say that the biggest mistake people make is being too wordy when it isn't necessary. The person reading that email is going to look at it for 5-10 seconds tops. Make sure grammar and spelling are perfect. Get rid of excessive words that are just there to make you seem "smarter". No one would ever talk like this: "For the brief time that I talked to you and your colleagues, I was able to gain some insightful information even though the time was minimal."
Keep it short, sweet, and to the point.
This is what I would want in a networking email directed to me, so only my opinion. That email sounds so robotic it would probably make me think twice about meeting you for lunch because I might think you would be awkward as hell to share a meal with.
That's why I changed it for him. That part was just awful. Read my revision of it, and see if you can find something I missed.
Yeah, definitely fix that sentence. "For the brief time ... even though the time was minimal." redundant
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