Options for out of work grad

I have quite a bit of internship experience in M&A and consulting for boutique firms. I also have a terrible GPA (2.3) from a non-target school. What are my options? I can't apply to any company anybody has every heard of since they all stipulate minimum GPA requirements. And before someone says "network with school alumni," again, I went to a non-target and all my peers suck at life (much like me). I desperately need cash though and unfortunately have too much pride to pimp myself out. I also thought about becoming a stock broker, but since it offers zero in terms of useful experience it's tied with the human trafficking option.

I want to break into research/asset+alternative Asset Management/investment management. Do I give up and jump off a bridge or do I have any options? And if your recommendation is the first, go ahead and say so. It won't be your fault.