A few people close to me have died and I am surprised some older people are mean

I am not here for pity or anything like that but I just had an observation.

Since I lost my mum and another of my dearest friends last year. This deep feeling of grief is always felt by me through my day to day, sometimes I drown it out but its always there and according to therapists, this is just how bereavement feels and I have made peace with it and the life I led in the "good old days", even though I'm still young. 

What I noticed though is that this feeling of grief has led me to appreciate my youth, friends, family and strangers in a weirdly deep loving way. 

My grief made me realize that we aren't here forever, for you atheists, I'm sure that isn't hard to stomach, and even for myself and others of this forum who are men of faith, this world is still temporary according to most religions including mine, so when you lose someone to death, when you are reconciled in the after life you would no longer be human anyway, you would be so much more than what you are now that it barely counts as a reunion if that makes sense, but thats by the point. 

I feel so appreciative of everything around me and want to offer a shoulder to cry on for a lot of people just because of how shitty it is that this world IS temporary. 

It then baffles me that some older people who have had more deaths in their lives and other tragedies than even me can be so mean to people, I mean, I don't see how someone who has gone through truly permanent painful losses can be so downright evil sometimes. That would just make me feel worse, at least now I show love where I can but to carry hate around in your heart after certain things have happened to you is strange to me. Things like racism and sexism being harbored around in the hearts of older people is odd. 

The deaths I've been through have been sorta like I've been unfortunately given the wisdom/stoicism of a 100 year old man, but some 100 year old men can be real assholes, which is, I don't know how to explain it, like odd, they've passed through so much and are yet to realize how lucky we are to share certain moments of happiness with people. Yet some of them are deeply hateful racists, sexists, elitists etc

I know this is not the right forum and I don't know what I want to hear or what I am trying to say, I guess I am looking to hear your thoughts? Who knows, this was just an observation. 

Thank you very much. 

Comments (18)

Aug 11, 2022 - 11:25pm
PrivateTechquity 🚀GME+BBBY🚀, what's your opinion? Comment below:
chubbycheeks

I am not here for pity or anything like that but I just had an observation.

Since I lost my mum and another of my dearest friends last year. This deep feeling of grief is always felt by me through my day to day, sometimes I drown it out but its always there and according to therapists, this is just how bereavement feels and I have made peace with it and the life I led in the "good old days", even though I'm still young. 

What I noticed though is that this feeling of grief has led me to appreciate my youth, friends, family and strangers in a weirdly deep loving way. 

My grief made me realize that we aren't here forever, for you atheists, I'm sure that isn't hard to stomach, and even for myself and others of this forum who are men of faith, this world is still temporary according to most religions including mine, so when you lose someone to death, when you are reconciled in the after life you would no longer be human anyway, you would be so much more than what you are now that it barely counts as a reunion if that makes sense, but thats by the point. 

I feel so appreciative of everything around me and want to offer a shoulder to cry on for a lot of people just because of how shitty it is that this world IS temporary. 

It then baffles me that some older people who have had more deaths in their lives and other tragedies than even me can be so mean to people, I mean, I don't see how someone who has gone through truly permanent painful losses can be so downright evil sometimes. That would just make me feel worse, at least now I show love where I can but to carry hate around in your heart after certain things have happened to you is strange to me. Things like racism and sexism being harbored around in the hearts of older people is odd. 

The deaths I've been through have been sorta like I've been unfortunately given the wisdom/stoicism of a 100 year old man, but some 100 year old men can be real assholes, which is, I don't know how to explain it, like odd, they've passed through so much and are yet to realize how lucky we are to share certain moments of happiness with people. Yet some of them are deeply hateful racists, sexists, elitists etc

I know this is not the right forum and I don't know what I want to hear or what I am trying to say, I guess I am looking to hear your thoughts? Who knows, this was just an observation. 

Thank you very much. 

You're welcome! Make it up to me by clapping them chubbycheeks for me. 

Array

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Aug 11, 2022 - 11:32pm
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Are you just trying to say you're black? Bruh it's 2022, most people bend over backwards to be the complete opposite of racist these days unless you're in the south and if you are in the south then move out of the south

Regardless, ignore haters

Aug 12, 2022 - 7:33pm
K-Peezy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

And ignore ignorants like Sequoia too who obviously have no actual experience of the the south and parrot tired stereotypes instead. 

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Aug 12, 2022 - 8:13pm
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Oh I've been to the south, and as someone who isn't white I can tell you it's not the friendliest place. I'm sure places like Atlanta are fine but my experiences in the South have not left me with a lot of confidence that it's not racist. And I was just on the plane the other day where another guy was corroborating his experience down in the South as 'really fucking racist.' So you'll have to forgive me if my lived-experience and those of others who are also not white conflict with your worldviews of the South being a friendly place if you're not white. Because clearly we're all making it up for kicks, right? 

Aug 14, 2022 - 11:29am
UFOinsider, what's your opinion? Comment below:
K-Peezy

And ignore ignorants like Sequoia too who obviously have no actual experience of the the south and parrot tired stereotypes instead. 

Lol I worked in the south and it's racist AS FUCK.  Please stop trying to shit yourself 🤣🤣

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Aug 12, 2022 - 7:23pm
BigKahunaBanker🏄🍹🍔, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Hey man, sorry for your loss. And yes, I absolutely understand what you mean. Loss and suffering really does make life more worthwhile. When you lose something or someone and you grieve, you realize how deep your love went and how vast the potential for loving in your heart is, and I think that gives you a perspective that life is worth living if there can be such a love in it. For instance, I lost contact to my grandmother due to my parents divorcing, and then, years later, my family met her randomly at the grave of my grandfather. We reconnected and the past didn't look so bad to me after all. A few months later, she died suddenly during an operation. But even though I am sad she is gone, I am very happy that we met her again in the end, and I know I will see her again another day. And I think these events set me on the path of reconciling with the idea of a family and building a legacy and all that - because I would be able to bring forth that same love in my children and theirs, and that means my life would have not been in vain.

Sadly, love has no words, so I can't really write properly about all of this, but I think you'll understand it anyways.

...and the Truth shall set you free
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Aug 13, 2022 - 12:42am
Yankee Doodle, what's your opinion? Comment below:

What you consider old people as being "mean" is really just them not giving a fuck. If you're in your 80s then you've been around the block enough to not care what people think and will just say it like it is.

I can't wait until I get to the point where I don't have bullshit obligations to urban society.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn

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Aug 13, 2022 - 10:36am
anonguytoibd, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'll just say grief affects people differently. I was a much more colder person outwardly after having gone through loss. I felt wronged by the universe/god and therefore my empathy for the world decreased. I realized how wrong it was it to feel that way and changed, but I could see some people never evolve. 

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Aug 14, 2022 - 9:24pm
traderguy123, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Although I am aware this is not a positive trait - after losing 3 immediate family members right before graduating college and entering the workspace I am a lot less sympathetic. I am still very empathetic and can understand why some people may feel certain ways but I just have difficulty showing sympathy in certain situations. I've adopted a very stoic mindset in this situation because there really isn't anything you can do when you lose 3 people who you thought would be watching you graduate or be at your wedding who will no longer be there.

I will never shame someone or make someone feel bad for grieving over a loss - especially death in the family - but at a certain point I'm just waiting for them to get over it because when you're in the industry the world doesn't stop for you and what makes someone strong in this situation is realizing you need to get back on the horse after facing a loss and keep going. Sometimes I go weeks without thinking about the loss even though it was only 5 months prior, but this week has been especially difficult with the new Game of Thrones coming out. My dad had watched that show 8 times and I'm a bit sad he won't be here to text back at home for the new season.

Not sure how this relates to what you're saying now but I just wanted to type something out because I have been thinking about it a lot. Every day I wake up and go to work and enjoy what I do, love my fiance and her supportive family, and am fortunate to be living the life I am - but I do wish my dad was still here. This will be the first year I celebrate a birthday without my dad, grandma, and brother here.

Aug 15, 2022 - 11:01am
anonguytoibd, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This makes a lot of sense and is a much more healthy, less extreme feeling I had. We all have a limit on emotionally capacity and a death let alone multiple people passing is draining. You have to be able to reconcile your feeling before you have full capacity for others. And sometimes, that full depth of emotion doesn't return, which is also ok as long as you maintain some empathy for others. And it's true that you have to get over the pain and the world will not wait for you forever, but I do think people are much more understanding than we think. Tragedy doesn't excuse you from doing a bad job at work but more so that you are given time to heal and return to an emotionally present state or close to your normal self. That's all we can hope for is that people give us time to heal. 

Aug 14, 2022 - 11:30am
UFOinsider, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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