a shame we never got to know alexander's opis speech

Imagine you're Chad in classical antiquity. Your dad (Macedonian royalty) just died, leaving you to inherit the best trust fund in history, the Hellenic League. After being taught by the greatest philosopher to ever walk this earth, you start a prestigious career of conquering every fucking empire your Chad eyes laid eyes upon at the age of 18. Some boomers laugh at you when you try to fight them because they see you as some 5'4 18yo Macedonian twink ready to get his bussy pounded.

Fast forward 10 years. You literally just conquered the whole fucking civilized world, before your 31st birthday. You've never lost a battle or ran from a fight, and you made sure everybody knew by undressing frequently and shouting "LOOK AT MY SCARS! DO YOU SEE ANY ON MY BACK? NO! DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I NEVER TURN MY BACK TO THE ENEMY!". 
 

Your Chad heart feels sympathy for some old geezers and crippled guys in your glorious army of prestigious conquest, so you decide to send them home for an early retirement. But the rest of the retards in your army decided they don't want to conquer every square inch of the world and revolt. 
 

So you decide to give the best speech in history ASAP, which meant yelling on a podium in the suburbs of Baghdad, some random backwater village in Iraq. The speech was so good, every guy in the bullpen was itching to conquer some spice-growing cow worshippers to the East.

You thought some of your bros would have remembered the speech and wrote in down or something, but no. You had like 80 cities named after you but nobody remembered to record the greatest speech in history.

Fast forward 400 years later, some pale virgin of a historian basically makes up your speech from what he thought you said, then everybody accepted his version.