1) EDWARD I. KOCH, 1924-2013 Colorful, Candid New Yorker Who Led City Through Crises (New York Times) - "...as opinionated as a Flatbush cabby, as loud as the scrums on 42nd Street, as pugnacious as a West Side reform Democrat mother..." NYC lost a true icon this morning. Rest in peace, Mr. Mayor.
2) Exclusive: JPMorgan bet against itself in "Whale" trade (Reuters) - Can you really blame the in-house traders for piling on? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
3) A Bank CEO Gets $58M In 2012? And You Thought Wall Street Was Changing (Forbes) - I'm gonna make you click the link just to find out who it was, because you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you. Even he thought the package was too generous and convinced his board to lower the cash portion of the bonus by $3 million.
4) A Warning to Wall St. About Misleading Clients (Dealbook) - Just because your clients are "sophisticated" doesn't mean you can rip them off. I would've thought that went without saying, but then 2001-2007 happened. My bad.
5) Zimbabwe has just $217 in the bank (The Globe & Mail) - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's now official: If it cost a nickel to take a shit, Zimbabwe would have to throw up.
6) We hit Portland strip clubs with John McAfee (Pando Daily) - I'm telling you, this boy don't quit. How do you get in touch with John McAfee these days? Leave a message with the bartender at his favorite titty bar. Well, of course.
7) Stock sale puts Twitter’s valuation at an estimated $9B (Venture Beat) - Toldja.
8) Life after Chernobyl: Sergei Gaschak’s photography from inside 'the zone' (The Independent) - This is pretty amazing. After 26 years with no humans, the Chernobyl area has become a thriving wildlife preserve. And the animals glow in the dark. Okay, I made that last part up. Still very cool.
9) Public univ plans event to help female students achieve orgasm (Campus Reform Blog) - Those wacky state school kids. Where would this go on your resumé?
10) Facebook App Shows Which of Your Friends Are DTF (New York Magazine) - Alright, this is pure genius. You just scroll through your friends list and pick out who you want to bang. If any of them have picked you out as well, the app takes care of all the awkward small talk for you and you're knocking boots in no time. Finally a worthwhile use of Facebook.
Video of the Week
You guys may have seen this by now, but it is far and away the best video I've come across this week. I think The Lonely Island is probably the best parody band of all time, and their latest offering poking fun at all the YOLO douchebags doesn't disappoint. Speaking of d-bags, the song is even fronted by Adam Levine, the Douche King. An instant classic:
That's it for this week, guys. Let me know what you think in the comments and have a tremendous weekend!
I'm pretty sure Zimbabwe just shouldn't even use currency at this point. I mean, one year you have inflation so bad you need to list prices in fucking scientific notation, and the next you have $217 in the bank. They should absolutely just fall back to a barter system.
Great stuff.
Recommend checking out Matt Levine's take on the "JP Morgan traders betting against the Whale" over at Dealbreaker.
Once again, Sir made me LMAO~
Checking out #10
That was easy?
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