Chronicles of my smooth-brained intern…

UC Boulder… need I say more?

It’s been over a month with the kid and he has been about as helpful as a ham sandwich while you’re drowning. He told us he networked his way into this internship (dad has a PE group) because he goes to a non target and “outworked” his target school peers.

These past few weeks he’s been getting real comfortable, and has been sharing every detail of his life that I’m sure you all could have assumed after reading the first paragraph. Yes, he did go to a boarding school in the northeast. He exclusively uses the word “summer” as a verb, typically followed by a story that ALWAYS ends with him “rizzing up the huzz”. You’re also right in assuming he’s in a frat, and last week he told the whole bullpen he was DEI chair with a grin on his face.

Does he work hard? No, but he’s a decent water cooler guy that’s always willing to share his latest parlays with you. He gets most of his work done most of the time if that makes sense.

Does he care about the internship? Absolutely not, he’s got one lined up with Houlihan next year that he said he’s going to “lock in for”.

Unfortunately he is a great hang and he knows it. He knows the entire bullpen looks at him as if he has a dunce cap on 24/7, but he doesn’t give a flying fuck. He gets absolutely flamed by everyone: associates, VPs, MDs, and even our admin. He wears it like a badge of honor. We all hype him up and call him “Semi” after he showed us his Hudl football tape from high school. He thinks we’re referring to him as a semi-truck but it’s actually because he’s semi-retarded (sorry if you see this, Semi).

But perhaps the worst part of all of it is this kid is going to be far more successful than anyone in the bullpen. He’s going to weasel his way into some crazy prestigious job and make a shit load of money. He’s going to summer wherever he desires. He’s going to rizz up any and all huzz. Hell he might even have his own statue at his boarding school one day. Bad intern, decent dude, but I’m not worried about his future one bit.

Thanks for reading, Skillz_dat_killz