Dating someone with ‘baggage’?
Would you do it? Have you done it? I am seeing a guy with 3 daughters and an ex wife. He is 8 years older and wanting to make things more serious by moving in together. Is baby mama/ baby daddy drama a real thing? Is it better to not get involved? Never had any experience of this family dynamic as my parents have been married for 25 + years! Any opinions/ experiences you can share of appreciated
No shade but are you this desperate?
hahaha message received but in my defence He is HOT.
I keep thinking about Don Draper and Megan when reading your question lmao. Too much Mad Men...
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. We know the truth not only by the reason, but by the heart." Blaise Pascal
That said, YEAH BAGGAGE MATTERS! You're not simply marrying/dating him. You're getting involved with the whole family. You will not be his #1 priority. At best you'll be #5, behind job, daughters 1-3, and ex who he has to placate to retain involvement with his daughters. So think this one carefully. I ain't sayin' don't do it, but make sure you're clear about the situation.
such a wake up call. thanks =]
I'd say ask yourself are you ready to be a stepmother/motherly figure. If that doesn't bother you stay, if it does leave
With that being said you might have such a strong relationship that you overcome things(like motherhood) that you previously thought were impossible
Overall, we don't have enough info to make an informed decision. Also most of us are IB monkeys who are more worried about money and prestige than relationships or happiness, so I doubt you should heed the advice on this thread
still good advice & yeah I’m no mother Teresa or Kate Ferdinand
Maybe not a Kate Ferdinand but what about a Franz Ferdinand?
Straight up don't do it
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Everyone has baggage, but it doesn't sound like you're ready to help carry his
Not sure maybe try going to datingadvice.com for some advice seems like a more relevant site.
Haven't done it; probably wouldn't do it. Seems like a complicated scenario. Do you want this level of complication in your life?
Other thoughts: 1) Do you want kids down the road? Does he want any more? 2) What is the living situation for the kids (e.g., does he have the kids on the weekend). Does this work for you? 3) He probably has significant financial responsibilities for the kids/ex. Does that matter to you?
My BP rose just from reading the question, personally won't do it
lmfao the wall is real
I’ll chime in as somebody who was seeing somebody casually with a child and an ex. First off, you’re on a finance forum, so here is my loosely numbers-based answer. The probability of this actually working out are incredibly slim. There are too many moving parts that will add friction to your relationship off the rip (not 1 but THREE KIDS, and ex WIFE, who knows what problems there are in the family itself). Sure sleep around, have fun if he’s ‘hot’, but remember he’s almost a decade older than you; you will give him some of your younger years trying to make shit work. Him ? He doesn’t have shit to lose. He has his children, and he’s been happily married once upon a time. Unless you were coming from a similar situation, I strongly advise against trying to make something ‘serious’ work out.
really good points thanks.
Summing the comments above, WSO recommends Fuck, don’t marry, try not to kill.
The eternal answer is that the older you are, the more baggage you acquire. Some people have less baggage than others, but we all do. It doesn't matter whether it's kids with an ex wife, the job, or our own fuckups, we all have it. The question you need to ask is whether you are ready to deal with his baggage and the responsibilities that come with it.
But definitely sleep with him. You think he's hot, he's down, do it. But only if you think you can avoid getting emotionally entangled. You're not going to be mom to his 3 daughters. Keep it casual.
How do people have 3 kids together and then break up? I am not sure that I will understand this. Like shouldn't they have seen the red flags earlier? 3 kids is such a commitment.
Have to ask yourself what you want, and what you're willing to trade off. Do you want to have kids/not have kids/raise his part time? He's older, are you at the point where you want to do stuff he's already done and wouldn't do (such as travel, or party)?
Maybe ask him how he feels about the situation and what he wants. I always think most people can resolve issues this way, but lot of women I feel (generalizing) would rather get like 60% of what they want without asking, rather than 100% with asking.
Also, remember, you don't have to move in this instant. Don't feel pressure from friends, society, or timelines. You have to move at your own pace. I know half the chicks in any city want to move in with some guy they barely know so they can post an IG pic with a shitty caption.
Hard thing about relationships is that you ultimately want to find someone you're both physically and mentally attracted to.
Saying hes hot sounds like my 14 year old cousin, think like an adult.
Shhhh.... Don't bring up your 14 y.o. cousin. She might think he's hot.
Ghislaine?
Don't overcomplicate your life if you don't need to. This sounds like a lot of complication.
been there done that. no fucking no. he has to follow your pace. dont move in with him before at least 1 year of dating. don’t sacrifice for him. you are at very different phases and he has to be super understanding and flexible in order to make it work. if hes hot, fuck the guy for a while. you will be bored with all his commitments anyway in a while
if he’s loaded, do it
If I could short this relationship dynamic, I would asap
Does baggage refer to the kids, the ex or both (sounds like too much trouble, you'll suffer a lot if you invest to make it work)
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