As of a few hours ago, my old sensible car has decided to file for an early retirement (apparently the world tranny is not only a pornhub search term). The mechanic said it will be cheaper to buy a new one than to fix it. This, unfortunately, coincided with me getting a place in NH (just closed) and getting a dog again (puppy is not here yet, but i have signed the paperwork). So now I need a vehicle that
- will be appropriate for an older single male who, however, has aspirations of having sex again at some point
- will transport a 140-180 pound dog that sheds and drools like a nursing home resident and has an attitude of a night club bouncer
- can equally well negotiate a drive on the highway and on a gravel road to my mountain encampment, including in the snow
- does not feel like a wet turd when i am going around corners or takes an hour to accelerate to a highway speed limit
- does not require me to go long it's stock at extreme levels :D
Some general thoughts
- beware that I have never driven or even considered anything but subcompact cars before
- I don't really anything much about cars beyond that they have 4 wheels so deep technical considerations are beyond me
- I am "from over there" so manual transmission is perfectly acceptable, though i have found that very few ladies know how to handle a stick
PS. I know, I know that this is wallstreetoasis and nobody does anything for free. So whoever suggests whichever car that wins the final prize will get a drink from me, in the NYC (in a socially distant manner, as required by the master groper) or remotely if you are elsewhere.
Toyota 4 Runners are nice and have many different packages from simple to all the bells and whistles.
There are some very nice Trucks on the market that are powerful (don’t take forever to speed up), but also have very nice interiors.
Could always go with a Wrangler or Bronco as well. I had a jeep and had some issues with the engine so I’d be careful with who owned it it you’re looking pre-owned.
Hope this helps.
I love the new bronco. If I had known that it was coming out before I got my current car, I would have waited and bought that instead.
IMO a used good option is a Porsche Panamera. Don't bother with getting one with fancy options, even the base model has plenty of power. 4 wheel drive and great handling. It's a hatchback with surprising large cargo volume. Can easy fit 4 people or a large dog in the back. Plus the ladies love a Porsche.
The look of the Panamera has actually changed very little in the last 10 years so you could easy get one from the early 2010s for ~25K, just from a quick search, and it will still look relatively modern. Of course, German cars being German cars repair bills will be expensive. But Porsche tends to fare a bit better than BMW and Mercedes as far as reliability goes, and if you keep up with service intervals nothing too bad goes wrong with those cars.
As far as new cars go, some of the new cars by Genesis (Hyundai's new luxury brand) as looking pretty nice and a great value compared to German competition. Depending on whether you want a sedan or SUV, all the cars are decent. G70, G80, G90 are sedans, with each later one being bigger than the previous one, and the GV80 is the new SUV. They can be optioned with AWD, have more than enough power, good cargo room, and are overall good practical luxury vehicles.
I quite like the styling on the Genesis products, but looks are subjective, so browse photos and decide for yourself. They have similarities, but each has their own "personality" so to speak. The only crappy thing about Genesis is they're trying to develop a better dealer network, a lot of their current dealers used to be high pressure sales style bargain Hyundai dealers, so some of them are scumbags.
Jeep or Tesla truck
chevy tahoe. at the end of the day, it's still a chevy but love the look and feel like it's a good blend of "luxury" feel and ruggedness. what kind of dog is it - mastiff? you're going to need something large enough where the back seat or the cargo space fits just the dog on your trips into the wilderness, that's a large creature.
Can't help much, but funny post OP. I chuckled.
Escalade if you want a particularly spacious car with a brand name
Panamera as previously mentioned is good
Challenger or Mustang if you're into that style
Hummers are always fun and bleed macho energy
Any Toyota if you don't care that much about looks
Subaru WRX looks fine, is dependable af, and cheap
Ofc normal luxury options like BMW, Mercedes and the like
I would say go for a Range/Land Rover. It’s ideal for terrains and snowy weather, big enough to comfortably transport your family and pets, and chicks will dig it.
They're great....when they actually work
I once heard a funny joke that whenever you see a range/land rover it is either coming back from the mechanic shop or headed to one.
I have a 2016 LR4 (Discovery 4 for you Brits on here) which I literally will never get rid of. Its an absolute tank and frankly the last Land Rover that actually looks like Land Rover rather than the grotesque and homogenous blob-shaped SUVs produced by automakers these days.
Also, the Tesla "SUV" (Model X I believe) is a goddamned van. Why anyone would buy that vehicle, I don't know.
As an older guy than most here:
Volvo V60 (or V90 if you need more space, but I acknowledge you have driven mostly compact cars) in the cross country version.
If you prefer higher, go for the XC60, there are a few versions, so it will be rather straightforward.
In terms of the car as a factor for having sex, two options: she is ok with the car or if you prefer to show off, rent one for the weekend. I'm not sure what sort of Connections you prefer.
Keep us posted what you buy!
Another important data point would be your budget. All of the above you mention can be accomplished for $30k or $100k. This would heavily influence an ideal answer.
I'd go with the Mazda cx5. My parents have one and it is incredibly reliable. It fits my surfboards and my snow gear. It feels nice and has good acceleration. They cost about 25k. You can also have sex in the back seat
I've had a few friends get an Audi Q3 and they seem to really like it. Handles really well, looks classy without being too pricey.
Any of the Audi wagons would be a good choice. RS6 if you're feeling spendy but that is more of a petrolheads car, the A6 and A4 will do just fine depending on how much space you're looking for. Someone else mentioned Volvo, also great.
downsides of popular suggestions
audi & lexus - soccer mom vibes unless you get the GX or LX, but even still, it's a mom mobile.
chevy tahoe - not as comfortable as japanese options and less reliable
hyundai/kia - korea should stick with managing pandemics and keeping an eye on Kim, leave the cars to the japanese. have a few friends who are in the middle of some horrific recalls at the moment
infiniti - I love mine (sedan), but the SUVs look like you're driving an igloo with chrome trim
volvo - seriously? a fucking volvo?
jeep - uncomfortable if a wrangler, unreliable if a cherokee
subaru - won't be able to identify your car if you shop at whole foods and you'll feel an insatiable urge to cover your car in stickers spanning running distances, places you've hiked, bernie campaigns, rainbows, and messages of equality. amazingly reliable and efficient cars, but I can't in good conscience recommend them if you want to get laid...ever
porsche/lambo SUV - have fun with the repair bills. this is the miami/LA equivalent of a lexus/audi in Charlotte. wouldn't touch it
bimmer/mercedes - fine visually but idk about reliability and while I know people RAVE about their sedans (particularly BMW) idk that I'd want a slobber machine in a whip like that, and idk that they're the most reliable
new bronco - ugly as fuck, seen it in person and it looks like they turned eric cartman into a car. way too wide, headlights look like someone with eyes too far apart, NOPE
4runner - not luxury but checks literally every other box. if you don't care about panache but still want a car that's nice, looks good, runs well, and won't cause you panic attacks if your pup takes a shit in it, this is the SUV for you
Saddens me that you're not a fan of the bronco. I fuckin love em
love an old school bronco, was just greatly underwhelmed when I saw the new one in person. I also can't bring myself to buy american with cars, I've had japanese my whole driving life and haven't missed once. hey man, it's fine to get along and disagree on superficial shit. I have plenty of friends who are fans of the piece of shit red sox, chicago bears, and michelob ultra. doesn't mean I think TOO much less of them :)
that said, if jeep brings this back, I'm in: https://moparinsiders.com/inside-design-2015-jeep-chief-concept/
first of all, thank you for a thorough review! I can see your time at The Firm has not impacted your sense of humor either :)
So far I am considering either some sort of Subaru (probably one of their SUVs, even though I'd rather get a WRX) and a Toyota (either 4Runner or a Landcruiser - I also heard that older generations of these were better).
Anyway, why such hate for Volvos?
No actual hate, I just couldn’t think of a good joke. I don’t think they’re as attractive as the Japanese options but I really don’t know much about them, don’t know anyone who’s owned one
The Toyota 4 Runner is the best call. That car is as durable as a purple heart winner, drives well on the highway (can easily rip it at 80-90 mph) and on snowy, windy, mountain roads. Also, if you are doing some seriously crazy driving in remote areas, get chains and you'll be golden. No one has ever knocked a 4 Runner for their looks (its not going to turn supermodel heads either), so it wont stop you from getting girls. Your dog can go to town on that thing without long-term, serious damage. Also, it is extremely affordable, if you get a 2018-2019 with 10-30k miles. You don't really want a car any nicer than this if you're gonna let your beast of a dog hang with you.
Cons:
1. It will suck around corners, it drives like a pickup. I have taken one of these cross country and into Wyoming, so feeling qualified to speak to the horrendous corner performance.
2. It is a gas guzzler, and you will get mediocre mileage (even when compared with similar cars of this size).
3. Good luck parking it in any city. Even with your own garage or parking space, have fun my man. Source: guy who lives in a big city with a huge car, it is a NIGHTMARE
Toyota Tundra is a solid choice. The only downside is not great mileage
If you care about the resale value of your car, get a 2011-2014 Subaru WRX hatchback. reliable, fairly inexpensive repairs and you’ll be able to sell in about 5 seconds when you want to sell it. Lots of storage and easily able to handle your pup. will take a little effort to find one that’s not heavily modified but it’s a great car
I have to say that I am tempted, though I am not sure my pup will fit with the back seats up.
I think there are a lot of good options that can handle the New England winters and terrain. I am in love with the new Ford Bronco, but would also recommend looking at the Chevy Tahoe/GMC Yukon, Toyota 4x4, or a good quality Wrangler. My buddy up there has the Jeep Centurion and loves it. A lot of the current pick-ups are really nice and would be good for what you are looking for. Would recommend getting an extended cab model for your dog. Check out the F150s (Raptors especially), Silverado, and Tacoma. I think the new Rams aren't that nice looking but I'm sure they're decent. I also think the new electric Hummer that they're working on is pretty sick, maybe worth a look. If you don't want a truck, Suburu is the official car of Vermont and they are great in bad weather. Avoid G-Wagons and the Cybertruck.
if you have 200k laying around, this would make your aspirations realty
else get a q5
Agree. That is a bad boy
Adding another vote for the Toyota lineup. 4Runner if you'll be carrying more people than stuff, Tacoma if you'll be carrying more stuff than people, and Tundra if you'll be towing.
What are your thoughts on the Sequoia vs. Land Cruiser vs. 4Runner if I need 3rd row seating?
If you're reliably going to be carrying a 3rd row of people, and you can afford it, and you don't mind sacrificing some performance and drivability, then I'd go with the Sequoia over the 4Runner. If you're reliably going to be carrying a 3rd row of people, and you can afford it, and you want an absolute beast of an off-road / towing vehicle with a monster V8, then level up to the Land Cruiser.
Think of the 4Runner/Tacoma as a pair, the Land Cruiser/Tundra as a pair, and the Sequoia as a weird tweener that is a longer and more spacious inside than the 4Runner but not as powerful as the Land Cruiser.
Ford Taurus Sho.
Big enough for comfort/lugging around a dog.
Won't be an impediment to future sex and good acceleration.
Can get all wheel drive for highway + mountain driving.
Bonus: Warren Buffet drove this card for years and years, so you can tell mouthy analysts and associates that you're the next buffet. (they will mock you but it will be good for team building)
he has a 180lb dog. This is the dumbest choice, congrats. lol really. In what world would you not want an SUV or quad cab. This is dumber than the Maserati SUV or Alfa Romeo Stelvio.
If you want to have sex again and enough space for the puppy the best choice is Alfa Romeo Stelvio. I am surprised anyone mentioned it. Also, if you have a budget which is near 200k, the quadrifoglio configuration is something that cannot be described. Still, if your budget is 200k, Mercedes Benz Class G is a good move that cover the 2 initial points. Instead, if your budget is much more low I would strongly suggest Mazda Cx-5, outstanding car with an outstanding engine and interior; extremely comfortable to drive for a low amount of money (around 50k). I would go for the Alfa all the way, even with the veloce configuration. Hope that it'll helpfull.
This is a classic prospect post lol. Also, your taste in cars is both bad and unimaginative, no wonder you want to go into M&A. No one in the States should be considering Alfas, particularly not the Stelvio.
I was thinking to myself when I first read it who the hell would buy that car if you ever wanted something else. Trying to resell that would be a pain in the ass.
Will second the Toyota 4Runner and Mazda CX-5 suggestions. Both are great cars that will 100% fit your needs.
However, if you want to stay in the compact-sedan world, highly recommend looking into wagons. Subaru is known for them and will check all the boxes, or try the new Volvo's. The financing deals on them right now are quite good.
I would recommend the good old Model T! That Tin Lizzy got my everywhere from classes at Harvard to even plant board meetings after college. Had to sell her when we filed for bankruptcy in '29, but all I needed to get it back was a few employees eager for a raise and some Derringer pistols.
Seconding all the Toyota comments.
Highlander, 4runner, Tacoma - these'll do what you ask and are all good to reasonable on the maintenance/mileage/etc. 4runners and Tacomas also hold their value pretty well so you can trade 'em in for a good % of par in 5 years when the government bans gasoline cars. The higher trims can get kinda pricy here but IMO you get what you pay for.
I have a Tacoma and I fucking love it
Not sure about the budget but Maserati Levante are a gorgeous option. Screams class in the most subtle way possible in my opinion. Really solid for all conditions, fairly reliable, and super comfortable. Won’t be reliable like the Japanese options mentioned, but the difference will be you’re pulling up in a Mas vs a Toyota, it makes a statement. I’m not sure if that’s your personality, but if your single & would like to get laid again, that car certainly won’t hurt your chances. Whatever you do, invest in weather tech floor liners. They’re great for keeping your car clean with snow, mud, & with the dog. Godspeed
I have always hated Masarati I just do not understand the brand and what attracts people to an Italian car that has no resale value.
Levante = 75K-100K, I would prefer a Caynne or a GLE
Maserati Quattroporte = 110k-150k I would prefer a Model S or an AMG SL
Maserati GranTurismo = 140k-160k I would buy a 911 or a used Ferrari.
Highlander, 4 Runner, Tahoe, Yukon, Escalade
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