For Those Struggling with Making Friends

I had someone DM me about how to make friends the other day, and I've seen a lot of these posts on WSO over the years. The transition to post-grad life can be hard for some, especially if relocating to a new city. I struggled with it initially and realized (as I was writing the DM) that I had come a pretty long way from when I first graduated and struggled to find a clique. So, I guess this is a bit of a WSO Success story crossed with an advice post.

You need to find something you enjoy doing, then find a group online that does that thing, and then go do that thing continually at the same place. Just some examples below:

• Kickball league
• Bowling league
• volleyball league
• golf league
• improv class
• Spike ball league
• Soft ball league
• tennis class / league
• pickleball class / league
• Soccer League
• journaling group
• book club
• D&D groups
• surfing group classes
• Church groups / religious groups
• salsa classes
• skiing classes / meetup groups
• running groups
• Weightlifting Groups (eg crossfit)
• wilderness / survival classes
• Language Classes
• Cooking classes
• Car Meets
• Cycling Groups
• meetups for a sport team that you support
• Volunteering (some could probably do an entire new post on this one alone)
• Group trips (there are basically "adult study abroad" groups out there)

You don't need to be nervous about going to these things, because they're filled with people just like you - people who are looking to make friends. You'll eventually start seeing the same people each week and get to know them (ask lots of good questions / focus on being interested rather than being interesting). You'll figure out that you have other hobbies in common, and boom - you have a friend (or friends).

It snowballs fairly quickly - once you have one friend, it's even easier to make more.

You may not like most people you meet right away - and they may not like you right away. But that's why it's important to go back each week. You'll like people more over time, and you'll also loosen up a bit. And not every event you go to will have a future friend in it, but again, that's why you have to go every week and not give up easily.

If you find a hobby and do it with people weekly, you will have friends in no time. If you don't, you just need to keep trying different groups. Or maybe go to a therapist if there's really something else wrong.

For me personally, I just did one of groups I listed above and made several new friends. But would love to hear other's stories. My list above is obviously pretty focused on sports. Interested to hear if others have tips for the less athletic folks