Getting a prenup?

Wondering what everyone’s opinion is on getting a prenup before marriage? I recently brought it up to one of my friends (currently has a long term gf that he plans on marrying) and recommended that he should get one to be safe just in casual conversation. He flipped out at me and accused me of not trusting their relationship saying that I don’t really know his gf, how dare I bring it up…

Growing up, I always thought it was natural to want to get one. Also considering my friend is on path to become a doctor in med school ($300k+ salary), I thought he might want to get one anyways. I didn’t know so many people have such an adverse reaction to the topic, so curious to hear.

18 Comments
 

You do realize a prenup is for assets pre marriage, right?

Your friend is mad as it would be foolish to exclude the 400k in student loan liabilities from the marriage communal property.

 

Doesn’t mean shit since most people start earning their real wealth in their 30s and 40s, after they’re usually already married.

Only time it’s worthwhile, and mandatory, is if you come from a wealthy family with inheritances and trust funds

 

There’s no marriage for me if it doesn’t include a prenup. I didn’t work this hard to lose half of it just because a girl went apeshit on me and decided to end things. 

 

Unfortunately even prenups may not be effective because they are legal documents with a lot of nuances. You need to spend a LOT of time making sure you get the right lawyer and even then nothing earned during the marriage period will be protected. 

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Most Helpful

I’m starting to become increasingly convinced that signing an official marriage document is not worth it for high earners. Yes there are tax savings from getting married but I have a hard time believing that the potential downfall (-50% of assets) can justify the tax savings considering the probability of divorce.

I understand that marriage is very much a religious occasion for many, but then via “separation of church and state” marriage should purely be a religious commitment between God, the husband, and the wife and should not have the state getting involved.

Your friend to be blunt is irrational and marriage is one of the topics where you can really weed out who is and who isn’t. 

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equityanarchist

On point with what I've been thinking. I mentioned the idea of not getting legally married to a few exes and it was definitely met with some enigmatic reactions. My buddy isn't legally married and has a joint account with his wife for housing, vacations, and a rainy day fund. Both high earners tho.

Yes, but your buddy may still be on the hook if that relationship ends in the future.

In NY, courts may find that even unmarried couples can owe each other "palimony" especially if there is some evidence of a verbal agreement or if one partner sacrifices their earning potential for the other.  Obviously a lot harder to prove than in a straight up marriage, but it's a real possibility.

Like, if your buddy's girlfriend (since she legally isn't his wife, right?) was a corporate lawyer and she retires to raise their kids and then in ten years they split up, she might have a valid argument that your buddy should give her some of his wealth/income.  Obviously I don't know any details of that particular case, but in general it's not easy to just say "hey, we weren't married, tough shit."  Circumstances matter.

Also worth pointing out that social/cultural reasons aside, women aren't stupid and may be thinking along these lines too.  If the plan is for the wife to be the homemaker... then yeah, why would any smart person think "hmm, I'm going to forego the financial protections marriage entails"?

 

I’m 19 and told my girl I want a prenup whenever we decide to get married and she agreed. Things might change over the course of a couple years, but for now i’m sticking with it. I have been cheated on previously and I would not want to risk all my hard work. I am young and understand I can’t have trust issues for life but until she entirely wins my trust, I want a prenup.

 

SacrificingAdolescentYears

I'm 19 and told my girl I want a prenup whenever we decide to get married and she agreed. Things might change over the course of a couple years, but for now i'm sticking with it. I have been cheated on previously and I would not want to risk all my hard work. I am young and understand I can't have trust issues for life but until she entirely wins my trust, I want a prenup.

Just find another girl. If she can do it once, she’ll most likely do it again. Unless you’re gonna put up with your wife simultaneously having multiple boyfriends.

 

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