How are some people able to have such large social circles and so many friends to go out with?
I have gone out to bars and nightclubs a great deal in recent years and it seems like some people are regulars at these places, able to head out in large groups of friends.
In high school and college, I understood it because you could pay for friends through Greek Life or just by being one of the cool kids with rich parents.
The weirder part about this is that I have dating figured out and can get a date a week from dating apps alone, meeting women has been easy for me. A mystery puzzle for me in social life has been social life outside of dating, how some people are able to get to that point where they have a lot of friends or at least a lot of acquaintances.
How they seem to be socially connected to so many different people and are always going out to clubs with a large group.
Is it mainly done through old friends you made in high school and college once you are past your early 20s? Since so many people settle down after the age of 22 or at least become very closed off to making new friends to party with after that age.
Some people are just extremely extroverted. Also, you could try having dates introduce you to their friends. I have actually met up with some girls that I didn't really like that much, just so I could meet their more attractive friends. And then I end up kind of working my way into their friend group and meeting a ton of people.
This is actually very brilliant!
From personal experience, it boils down to what type of person you are. I'm very extroverted and I'd say that the people I go out with is a good mix of people that I went to college with, people I have met through them to various degrees and new acquaintances. I'm probably going out 3-4 times a week for dinners/clubbing/afterworks/misc and I try to meet as many people as I can outside of finance.
If you want to make new friends after college you need to get out and meet them. The easiest way is to get introduced by someone, but if your network is small or you're in a new city I would team up with one acquaintance and then go to social events; It could be anything from book signings, openings of art galleries, comedy shows to painting courses, lectures or wine tastings. The club is not an ideal spot to get to know people so set your mind to "open" and say yes to anything that comes along.
The reason why you should team up a friend is that going alone does not make you that "attractive" to potential friends. If you're there by yourself you are raising the bar for people who might want to approach you, because they could potentially "get stuck" with you. Like dating, you want to be perceived as popular and wanted, not like some stray cat who is desperate for love and affection.
Expanding your network and making friends is like building a snowman; The start is slow, and it takes a while to get the shape correct, but once you get the ball rolling properly the rest will require a lot less effort.
So that has been my main issue, finding a friend or acquaintance to go out with to these places. I am literally starting from step 0 here because I left my friends behind in the old city, do not have any kind of friends in this city who are down to go out for anything to meet others with, they don't find as much value in those kinds of events or even expanding their social lives.
It is almost like dating, sometimes the first girlfriend or the first date is the hardest to get. I cannot seem to catch a lucky break with social life at all though.
the easiest way to make friends after college is thru the friends of girls you date. So, go on a LOT of 1st dates...and then 2nd and 3rd dates...then meet her friends....become friends with them. Date 3-4 girls...get to know all their friends and friends of friends...maybe steal some (those who are 1-2 steps removed)...its an easy way to meet a lot of people under very friendly circumstances.
what if you don't date girls?
then make friends with girls...in general, girls are more social than guys.
You gay bro?
I came across a woman in the city... she was in her early 40s, single, great personality. Very outgoing and fun and as we were talking, she showed me her Facebook and she had a bunch of photos of her going to outings, parties and meet up with celebrities on the red carpet and I asked what is it that she do and she said she was a social elite, doing non profit. It looked like she had a lot of friends. Is that a thing?
yeah if you have millions of dollars and dont need money
Be outgoing and say yes to every invitation you can. I had a large group of friends from college in the city when I graduated. By saying yes all the time, I met their friends from high school, their coworkers, and then eventually their grad school friends and their wives' friends, some of whom I'm now close friends with myself. Also, staying in touch is important. Make time to grab coffee or a drink with people, or at least text or email to check in. One chat or face-to-face every few months can be instrumental in keeping a friendship going.
Yeah but I am starting from zero, no real friends from college here.
You'd be surprised where simply introducing yourself to a stranger you seem to have something in common with every now and then can take you. Also, if you have this feeling of wishing you could make more friends, other people probably do too. It just takes some ice breaking sometimes
Join an afterwork or weekend sports team, improv class, meetup group, etc. Bonding over a common interest will lead to more actual friends than just going out to bars and clubs with people.
We seem to have a few events for that in NYC so well worth joining!
I feel like a lot of people have their core friends and then their circle of people they are connected to in one way or another. While they may like these people, hang out with them, and enjoy their presence, I feel like the difference is that they won't every talk about like real, personal shit with them, whereas they do with their friends. If that makes any sense.
I have a few different social groups, main one is my friends from college and then people from work that I hang with occasionally. Real Estate has a few great networking groups called ULI and NAIOP and it's really easy to meet people outside of your typical friend group/ office. I would say I've added 1-3 good friends and maybe a dozen acquaintances for each year I've been active in the groups.
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why go out anywhere when you could stay inside and troll wso instead?
because trolls don't age too well
Effort, finding time for interests, and not forcing relationships. It takes more than just a passing comment to meet up with old friends, you can meet new ones with shared interests through groups intent on bringing like-minded people together, and you just outgrow some people... sometimes you have to accept that to make room for new friends who are more or less of the same wavelength or time of their lives. It is hard though.
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