How do you maintain relationships while working 70+ hour weeks?
Hey WSO, I know plenty of you guys are currently working in really time-intensive careers, and I'd really appreciate any advice on maintaining relationships.
For context, I am a rising sophomore at a non-target. I work ~30+ hours a week, I am a full-time student, I'm part of my school's investment fund, studying + networking for 2027+2028 internships, and I take care of my grandmother with health issues. I have no issues with my workload, but my relationships with some friends have been strained.
I don't blame them for not understanding, especially since my reasons for canceling or showing up late seem idiotic, or that I didn't want to hang out with them. I honestly didn't really notice until last night, and now I'm worried I've lost one of my closest friends. I said something that sounded like I didn't want to hang out with him, and now he's not answering my texts. Is there anything I could do or say to help explain, or is it just something I'll have to deal with?
Any advice and insights would be really appreciated.
prospect here but older friends from uni/college are AN1 and AN2 and they said the following:
it gets easier when you’re ASO and up, as you get more and more control over your time and the ability to push back on work/get some protected time to attend a lunch/dinner etc.
grim outlook but the job seems require that sacrifice.
I earned my MBA from Harvard Business School and went to a top target for undergrad so I'm used to long hours
Find new friends. All of my friends respected when I had to miss things because of recruiting and work. A good friend would respect your hustle and keep inviting you without getting upset.
I did an MBA at a top school (HBS) so it just comes natural to me
You will drift from friends as you get older and only the inner circle will remain
Happens to everyone and a career in finance usually just speeds it up
I’ve only been able to see 10% of my former friend base since working, and that’s only bc they live or work near me so it’s for us to just catch up after we leave the office.
This sounds awful. It's a tradeoff people make in their 20s when they don't realize the value of long-lasting, high quality friendships but then suffer for it in their 30s or 40s
No amount of new friends who you've known for 6-12mo can make up for one or two 10yr friendships. If you just care about someone to socialize with for the moment (and you don't mind that your new friend doesn't care about you, or even care about staying in touch with you when you move to a new place), then go for it. Good luck finding strong, lifelong friendships when you are 35 and your well-adjusted peers are all married, have 1-2 kids, and are living in nice suburbs
No amount of money will also replaces the time in your 20s you have to date / travel / enjoy hobbies / live a relatively carefree lifestyle. Sacrificing your 20s and often your 30s in all of these respects is the dumbest tradeoff you could make
Find a gig where you can still make good money but working 45-55hrs per week. Or at least one where 70+hr weeks are only required for ~2yrs before you can ramp down to ~55hrs or less afterwards
I worked ~50hrs per week since college (first two years were closer to 60hrs). I had time to date and marry my now wife. I have maintained friendships that are 20+yrs old and others that are 10-15yrs old. I formed real hobbies that I enjoyed like reading and lifting. I traveled a dozen countries in my 20s. I spent a ton of time with my parents over Covid and am extremely close with them today. I am not stressed today, I have my health, and I've hit a 7-figure net worth and am on the path to making mid-6 figures very comfortably before my mid-30s (in a Medium COL city -- not NYC, SF, LA -- so this stretches pretty far)
I would 1000% never trade all of this and the wonderful memories of my 20s, even if you offered my $1bl today in exchange for having grinded out ~80hrs/week thru my 20s. Some things are priceless and you won't realize their value until they are long gone. The things that truly give meaning to our lives are family / friendship / faith / enjoyable & meaningful work
I'm saying all this because lot of younger folks are blinded by the sheen of the 'prestige' in working ultra long hours when they are young because they don't appreciate that they are mortgaging their futures. Doing that for 1-3yrs is ok if you think it'll give you a big leg up in life, much more and you are literally drawing from your future happiness (hint: more money will not solve gaping holes in other areas of your life)
what do you do for work
Thank you!
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