How to improve people skills?
I’ve realized people skills make or break your career. You can be the smartest most technically sound person and put out flawless work but it doesn’t matter if people don’t like you. I’m not super outgoing and I’m shy and have some social anxiety. What are some ways to import my people skills?
1) you mention you have social anxiety. You have to expose yourself to as many triggering situations as possible to overcome it (this is the hardcore method)
2) honestly? Say less. One of the biggest things I learned to earn respect from people is to shut the fuck up and listen instead of talk
3) read “How to win friends and influence people”. Cliche, yes, but there’s a reason it’s so famous
Good luck!
Join a Muay Thai or Boxing gym. Honestly, it will improve your confidence and people skills. You have to fix it from the core.
Username says financegirl. Not really sure she is interested in boxing.
To be fair lots of different types of gyms out there and I still agree with the premise. A great way to improve confidence is to put yourself in areas outside your comfort zone where you have to learn a new skill set. Also, gyms in general offer a lot of opportunities for spontaneous social interaction with strangers - ie: talking about a class or particular workout.
When you get comfortable being uncomfortable, you'll be amazed at the growth you can make.
Be humble, be genuine and ask people questions that get them talking about themselves. That'll go a long way towards improving your people skills. Also, something that helped me a lot was realizing that most people aren't natural extroverts. Everyone is awkward to some level or another so realizing that most people are dealing with the same thing definitely helps too.
Yeah I saw OP was a girl. The girls at my Muay Thai gym are all really tight. Some of them fight, but most are just there for the training. The girls even have a dedicated chat on Facebook messenger as well as girls only classes once per week. My ex-girlfriend started attending and is addicted - she says it’s one of the best things to ever happen to her. After the girls classes they often all go out to eat together. A great group of people.
So which one are you in the pic? 🤪
Jiu-jitsu is also great both woman and men. There are several schools in NYC and the early classes are usually working professionals. It will make anyone feel better, both physically and mentally.
One of my best friends is a female in finance who boxes
Pretty generic advice maybe but here:
- Make an effort to look good. It increases your confidence.
- If you are shy or anxious with people, it means you put them on a pedestal. Try to get over this. Remember that you aren’t better than anyone and no one is better than you.
- Something I learnt about the famous book another person mentioned, is to take an interest in the other person, talk about them, approach the person with a positive thing you notice about them. In return, this will make them interested in being friends with you due to the positive energy you bring.
- And I feel like if you seem a happy and uplifting person, others will be drawn to you. I have noticed this myself. No one likes people who are sad or with problems. Try to adjust your attitude when possible, even though it is hard.
I don’t think you understand anxiety. This just isn’t true.
read dale carnegie how to win friends & influence people
keys are
what not to do
finally, agree with poster who said join a gym, though martial arts isn't necessary. getting in good shape will improve your body, which improves your body image, which improves your confidence & self esteem, which improves everything
>financegirl
>bad social skills
ngmi
.
want to echo all of the comments that say to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
i used to be in your shoes and very socially anxious / shy. i think it's great that you're aware and want to improve. i think it's a mix of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in social situations and also a confidence and self-awareness thing. for me, being a leader of a club in college pushed me out of my comfort zone immensely because i was constantly reaching out to people trying to recruit members. showing up to events / clubs / random organizations and forcing myself to socialize/meet people are also another way i pushed myself socially. secondly, all of this matters way less and makes [us? definitely me] way less anxious when you are simply confident (and self-aware) enough to not care what other people think about you.
This is going to sound really, really dumb, but I promised it worked wonders for me.
Basically I took phrases from people I like, or videos I watched on youtube, or podcasts, or TV interviewers/interviewees (really whoever) that resonated with me, and then I just stole them and started using them. One co-worker used to say "I love that" when saying that they thought something was cool and I thought it was a nice phrase to make people feel good about their work so I stole that and I use it when I'm reviewing someone's work/working with someone.
There's one book in particular that I stole a bunch of phrases from called "Never Split The Difference" and it's worked wonders for me.
If you say the right stuff, then the rest of the people skills open up pretty quickly. Sort of like getting to Destruction level 50 in Skyrim, you now have access to ~basically all the rest of the destruction spells you need to be super proficient, and the leveling will happen quickly after that.
How do you find time for Skyrim lol. That is like top 3 time killer, along with Civilization and whatever.
If you’re a man or any men reading this for similar advice, one of the best ways to sharpen your people skills is to go out alone. Go to a bar and try to strike up random conversations. Majority of social skills or emotional intelligence more precisely is to empathetically understand some one else or “be on the same page” as them emotionally, and know what to say and when to say it. To any guys reading this, go out alone and see how you do. Chances are you may fumble and get made fun or poked fun at but over time, like anything else, it becomes a skill and the confidence of that independence is something that you can always rest upon.
The more people you defeat and consume the higher level your people skills will get, unlocking new perks and powerful passive buffs for your daily life.
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