How will I haze my virtual interns
goofy lookin zoom asses
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Require them to stay live during all working hours, including meals? I eat like a pig at home I'd imagine they will forget they are on camera and do the same.
Also require them to stand up periodically during the day to verify they are wearing pants.
Try speaking very quietly to make them increase their volume to hear you and once they are all really focused start yelling.
Encrypt files in obscure compression types so that they will have to find and download extractors and then get pissed it is taking so long, as if it were common.
If all else fails just require them to submit redundant reports, or complete surveys that are extremely vague/non industry related without guidance.
I try to think of more, mostly subtle, but unfortunately digital hazing has a cookie trail, unlike traditional office fuckery
bookmarking just in case LOL
You're an evil genius.
Awwwww yeah - flex those Analyst 1 muscles
some serious beta cuck vibe here
Just don’t?
Require them to have a rubber ducky visible in their zoom window at all times
Maybe just constantly bombard them with open-ended non-questions that are basically unanswerable and just send them on wild goose chases for obscure information that you then reveal that you either A) already had or B) do not need. Also constantly call them with these requests, do not send over email and never clarify.
oooh.... Ask them to update powerpoints, but have all the excel charts in a linked file that you don't include in the email.
tell them they're on mute when they're not and have them repeat themselves unnecessarily
change the con call/zoom details 2 minutes before meeting time
require a password for every meeting and then berate them for being 5 minutes late
use computer audio only and get up and pace around so you pass the microphone for every 5th word. at the end of your monologue say "got it? good" and end the call and then turn off your phone
have them practice an a capella piece and randomly turn microphones on and off when they're singing
randomly ask an intern who's not paying close attention "what do you think about that?" when nothing of substance was brought up
invite them to important zoom video calls that aren't really important or for topics that can be answered over the phone. They might just think you're stupid though, so I don't know if that's good for fun haze.
Jeffrey Tobin at the New Yorker has some ideas
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