I fantasize about throwing my life away and becoming homeless - what to do

So I came from nothing, nada, zilch, my parents and siblings do not work and live in a shithole in the missouri area (we are african american in case you want to picture it) but they are happy and do not pressure me to provide for them, we have a very good relationship now despite anything bad i might say about them as this thread progresses.

I became a banker due to being the "black sheep" of the family, didn't have behavioral issues but my parents thought my big city dreams were a sign that i was evil or greedy, they would say I liked money too much or that I would sell the family house and abscond with the money, I was one of those poor kids that always pretended to be rich and above certain things in my actual reality. I was born dirt poor but was never "used" to it. I wanted to get out of it.

I actually grew up loving my family and they loved me despite the friction but I hated sharing rooms and a toilet, even though thats how its always been, things like jerking off or taking a shit for as long as you like or just being alone was almost impossible so i went to a semi target and became a banker. 

I am now the "shining light" in my family and they are beyond proud of me to the extent that my dad basically has my picture plastered around his bedroom and I can't count how many of his friends he makes me speak to on the phone with him proudly talking about me in the background, same with my siblings plus they refuse to collect money from me and say they always knew I would be a success. They say I'm the talk of the town and when I do visit i can tell its somewhat true.

I am an analyst 2 by the way so not really a successful banker yet. 

The thing is, with all the happiness around me i feel a lot of pressure to succeed at least till VP, there were a few bumps in the road of my career so far and each time I became crippled with anxiety about losing my job, things like making mistakes or not following up makes me cringe so hard.

If i lose this job at this point i'll have to go back home because I have nowhere else to go in new york and all this recession talk has me feeling uneasy about possibly getting cut.

The stress has compounded so much that I started to think "fuck it" why don't I just move to LA and become a homeless person, I don't want to disappoint my family if I move back home and I'll finally be free of burden forever, I'll be known as the homeless guy who used to be an ibanker. 

I don't have these thoughts all the time but when I do I dwell on it and start thinking of the logistics of making it happen

I know its stupid which is why I am on here, what is this called? Any thoughts on my situations or have you had anything similar happen.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/17/us/los-angeles-yal…

I watch videos like the above and feel a sense of freedom and happiness. Like that guy was at Morgan Stanley and it happened to him although not by choice, if i lose my job maybe i should just hasten the process.