Matchmaking My Mom
So my wife and I have decided to matchmake my mom. It's a big year for her. My 18-year-old brother is off to college. She's separated from her shitbag husband of 18 years (all of them unhappily married). I sold her house and got her a smaller new one in a great neaighborhood that she loves. She finally feels like it's her own home and she's really loving it. I've really seen her whole attitude for life change. She's decorating and signing up for painting classes and all kinds of shit like that. I think the next step is to find her a nice mensch to spend time with.
She's a 55-year-old Ukrainian lady. What online dating sites do older people use? What would your strategy be in my shoes? This is her third marriage, so she's pretty much given up. But she's a great person and I want her to experience romantic companionship as she ages. I figure we've gotta set her up on a blind date or two to get her back in the groove and then let her take over. The situation is complicated by the fact that her English is mediocre and she almost certainly only wants a Russian-speaking man. So we're looking for like 45-65 year old single Slavic men. If any women with a Tinder see this, can you please switch your settings for a minute and tell me what the market on those looks like? What other sites/apps should we try? I think concurrently to the online dating strategy, we should get her involved in some sort of group/class/activity where she can meet this demographic. Any ideas what to get her classes to or whatever?
So yes, game plan, suggestions, etc. Thanks homies
No offense, but a thrice-married 55 year-old is going to be a tough carve out.
Well firstly, I've only got the one mom, so it's irrelevant how difficult this will be because it's the only option. Why do you say that though? Because she's been married three times? Or because of her age? Her age is what it is and people meet each other later in life all the time.
Being married three times is a complicated story. Her first marriage was with my sister's dad at 19 after she got pregnant. They got along great but she was never passionate about him. They're still friendly with each other. Later, she was in a masters program with her first husband and my dad (second husband) was a math professor at that school. They ended up hitting it off and divorced with husband 1 and married husband 2. Soviet Union collapsed. I entered the picture. Turns out dad was a binge drinking quasai-mobster import/export entrepreneur character of some sort on top of the math shit and we'd have to hide away in a cabin for a while now and again and other shit like that, so I haven't seen him since I was 4.
Anyway, we get to the U.S. - just my mom. my sister, and I - and she's working while taking night classes to become a programmer and she met my brother's dad (husband #3) through his mom. He seemed nice enough and he was established here in America. They dated for a while and got married. Again, no passion. She did it largely to provide better for us. Turns out he's a massive mamas boy and got on psych meds when his dad died when he was like 20 and never got over it and now he walks around barred out all day and lives in the basement and visits his mom twice a day to eat soup and is just a super weird fucking loser who was happy being a perma-bachelor and his mom wanted grandkids and pressured him into marriage. I haven't even talked to him since I was like 13 and he threw a vacuum through the basement wall and I almost got into a fist fight with him, So that lasted 18 years and now he's out.
So that's that story! I don't think any of that disqualifies her from future romantic companionship.
"threw a vacuum through the basement wall" - are we talking those paper-thin Japanese "walls" or is this a legit plaster wall? I'm picturing this guy as Donkey Kong.
Interesting. I was not implying your mom is a bad person (in fact, she seems very hardworking and I'm sure she's a nice person).
However, being raised by divorcees multiple times over, it is my understanding that many people view multiple marriages as a red flag. It implies instability, baggage, and drama - and older people have a lower tolerance for those things.
If your mom is looking for a legit relationship, this could be a problem.
However, if she just wants a casual boyfriend, then it shouldn't be too much of an issue as long as everyone has the same expectations.
My grandma is 92 years old and her husband died many years ago. She has a "boyfriend", but he's just another old guy who comes over once a week and they fall asleep watching TV together. It's simple and seems to work for them.
The only option would be to marry an African American man. Other than that, she can marry former felon or something.
Redacted
Post pics of said mom and we'll go from there.
Can buy her an apt at Brighton Beach and then socialize there. Or hang out more at midtown places like Russian Samovar or Russian Vodka room. That’s where you’ll find the target population. Not tinder.
An older friend got widowed about 5 years ago. He was 70 at the time before his 3rd wife passed away, having been married and divorced twice before that - so I personally don't see your mom's past marriages/divorces as a dark mark against her.
My friend is a veteran, very active, involved with his local VFW and local church. He wanted to step into the dating pool. He gave www.PlentyOfFish.com a try and asked that I create an account so I could see the ladies that he was corresponding with. He corresponded with numerous ladies, dated a few. He’s currently got one long-term lady friend from PlentyOfFish and they’ve been together on and off [neither wants to marry again] for over 4 years. They travel together here and abroad, they attend local concerts, dinner theater and go to local events, state fairs, etc. He’s in Petersberg, IL and she lives about 75 miles away and they both seem very pleased with the arrangement of basically having a friend with benefits without the co-habitation beyond weekends or travel.
There are also more ‘platonic’ sites like www.meetup.com, where a group of people will meet up for a museum tour or a hike, where there is no ‘romantic/date’ pressure or setting, where you can just meet folks that enjoy similar things that you do, and if there’s more than a friendly spark with someone, so much the better.
I’d recommend whatever sites your mom signs up for, that you might consider signing up for as well, so’s you can get a bit of a bird’s eye view of her dating pool. I did that for my friend to also help him navigate some of the text/net lingo that he wasn’t up to speed on until he got more comfortable. If memory serves, I believe that PlentyOfFish lets you stipulate your preferred spoken language - if not, she can definitely mention her language preferences within the written part of her profile.
Good luck to your mom!
Thanks a lot! POF sounds like a great option. I'll try to get her involved in some Meetups too. Maybe some artsy or naturey shit.
Ukrainian Village would be a good start. Get her to go to culture/language specific events. If she doesn't meet anyone, at lease she will make more friends.
That's a good idea. There's not a ton of events out there. It's mostly just housing and businesses. We did go to Ukrainian fest last year. She lives an hour away in Mount Prospect too but yeah, not a bad idea. Thanks man
I'm not 45-65, nor am I slavic, nor am I even in the same country. But for the right price, I can be.
i like your style
There's a price to everything.
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