Misinterpretations of a Banker

Came across this article on Marketwatch.


To be read in the voice of Paul Harvey.

And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”

So God made a banker.

God said, “I need someone who doesn’t grow anything or make anything but who will borrow money from the public at 0% interest and then lend it back to the public at 2% or 5% or 10% and pay himself a bonus for doing so.”

So God made a banker.

God said, “I need someone who will take money from the people who work and save, and use that money to create a dotcom bubble and a housing bubble and a stock bubble and an oil bubble and a commodities bubble and a bond bubble and another stock bubble, and then sell it to people in Poughkeepsie and Spokane and Bakersfield, and pay himself another bonus.”

So God made a banker.

Click to Play
Dodge’s 'farmer' ad
In this Super Bowl ad, Chrysler pays tribute to the American farmer.

God said, “I need someone to build homes in the swamps and deserts using shoddy materials and other people’s money, and then use these homes as collateral for a Ponzi scheme he can sell to pensioners in California and Michigan and Sweden. I need someone who will then foreclose on those homes, kick out the occupants, and switch off the air conditioning and the plumbing, and watch the houses turn back into dirt. And then pay himself another bonus.”

God said, “I need someone to lend money to people with bad credit at 30% interest in order to get his stock price up, and then, just before the loans turn bad, cash out his stock and walk away. And who, when asked later, will, with a tearful eye, say the government made him do it.”

God said, “And I need somebody who will tell everyone else to stand on their own two feet, but who will then run to the government for a bailout as soon as he gets into trouble — and who will then use that bailout money to help elect a Congress that will look the other way. And then pay himself another bonus.”

So God made a banker.

I don't know what to say

13 Comments
 

The truth hurts. People are pissed at banks for a lot of good reasons and Bloomberg reads like a fucking police blotter lately. Personally, I replaced people that fucked up and put decent people at risk of being screwed, so I'm paranoid about ethics.

That having been said:

WSRenaissanceManJust laugh on your way to the bank with bonus in hand
Yeah some people just hate business especially finance no matter if we do right or wrong so, haters, take note.....the truth hurts. Love Wall Street or hate us, we're not going away. Dolla dolla bills y'all :D

Wakka wakka wakka

Get busy living
 

i don't understand how this at all describes what a banker does. You'd think people would at least do some research before bashing an entire industry.

 

Someone should write "So God made a Union". Just as offensive but 100% accurate

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." --Abraham Lincoln
 
OkComputerSomeone should write "So God made a Union". Just as offensive but 100% accurate
Hardcore union folk and banker types are like the Hatfields and McCoys.
Get busy living
 

Error dolores rerum ipsum rerum. Accusamus laboriosam repudiandae distinctio.

Career Advancement Opportunities

August 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.9%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 08 97.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 02 97.2%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

August 2026 Investment Banking

  • Moelis & Company No 99.4%
  • Evercore No 98.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 01 98.3%
  • Banco Santander 02 97.8%
  • BMO Capital Markets 12 97.2%

Professional Growth Opportunities

August 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.4%
  • Moelis & Company 01 98.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 06 98.3%
  • Goldman Sachs 01 97.8%
  • JPMorgan 01 97.2%

Total Avg Compensation

August 2026 Investment Banking

  • Vice President (16) $429
  • Associates (47) $258
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (8) $210
  • 2nd Year Analyst (25) $178
  • Intern/Summer Associate (14) $159
  • 1st Year Analyst (83) $151
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (74) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
3
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
4
kanon's picture
kanon
99.0
5
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
6
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
7
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
98.9
8
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
9
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
10
Mimbs's picture
Mimbs
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”