Need immediate advice for a situation at work (urgent)

This isn't bullshit, you can believe it is, idc, but I need real advice asap, plz

Long story short, I have been farting in a co-worker's water bottle for years. She's hot but a touch overweight and something about her weight combined with her sexuality always just made me think of farts. I would uncap and fart into a stainless steel water bottle she would leave in the fridge.

I must have done it 1000 times. Sometimes I would fart in her tupperware if I knew for sure it was hers. No one was ever around. She never seemed to notice. No harm, no foul, no problems.

This morning as soon as I arrive I get cornered by a security guard who basically grabs my arm and brings me to my boss's office. Everyone is staring as we do this perp walk.

I sit down and the security guard shuts the door and just stands there. My boss informs me he installed a camera to deal with theft and that he has now reviewed several months worth of tape.

"Basically you're fired. Immediately. The tapes have been handed over to the police and [co-worker] is extremely upset."

What kind of charges are even possible here? How fucked am I?

I basically ran out of the building and straight to Penn Station. I bought a ticket to Atlanta, I have no idea why, and Im on the train.

2 Comments

CO

Associate 2 in Consulting

4y

sounds like you were committing biological terrorism, in the day and age of 9/11 and Covid-19.

RIP. think the feds gonna be knocking the door down pretty soon

Reply

Quote

Report

Other

Authored by: Certified Corporate Finance Professional - ManagerCertified Corporate Finance Pro

alphabutshort

?

4y

Quas voluptatibus dolor ut laborum alias saepe dolore. Ipsa est minima ut reprehenderit illum eveniet. Quaerat labore et eum et quasi. Et aut mollitia iure repellat fugiat omnis.

Et sed quia et aut. Harum ipsa in est laboriosam. Vitae sequi natus doloremque voluptatibus.

Numquam ducimus voluptatem doloremque quibusdam maxime qui. Eum ut unde expedita sunt.

+53	for you youngins (under 40, ideally under 30), what do you want out of life?	30	1h
+12	Companies with products that track terminal/analytics desktop usage	1	1d
+10	Totally random question	3	13h
+9	Ordering Valium Online: Key Considerations	0	1d
+7	LA client meetings	2	5d
+6	my advisor looks a little too good	8	31m
+6	LinkedIn Shitposts	3	18h
0	bout to run a relay very soon! (4x4)	2	14h

1	redever	99.2
2	Secyh62	99.0
3	kanon	99.0
4	BankonBanking	99.0
5	GameTheory	98.9
6	dosk17	98.9
7	DrApeman	98.9
8	Betsy Massar	98.9
9	CompBanker	98.9
10	Kenny_Powers_CFA	98.8

Elite Career Bootcamp. Top Job Offer Guaranteed.

Elite Career Bootcamp. Top Job Offer Guaranteed.

Need immediate advice for a situation at work (urgent)

Elite Career Bootcamp. Top Job Offer Guaranteed.

Elite Career Bootcamp. Top Job Offer Guaranteed.

Need immediate advice for a situation at work (urgent)

See All Comments - 100% Free

Trending Content - Off Topic Forum