Shave your f****** beard

I'm talking to all of you. I don't care how cool and manly you think you look with a bush of fur around your face, don't care how well you feel that it hides your soft chin, acne scars or baby-face, and definitely don't care how often you lather/condition/trim your heinous, thorny facial bush. It is uncouth, it is unprofessional and most damningly it is dirty

The comeback of facial hair is THE worst fashion trend of our generation. When I see some dickhead walk into a client meeting with a suit and tie on but completely unshaved, I immediately assume they are both a mental child and ridiculously self-obsessed. It's like wearing Nike mid-calf socks under Gucci loafers, just dirtier. Moreover, what in god's name are you trying to tell the world by trimming your facial hair into some weird form of a fashion statement? How long do you spend staring in the mirror playing with your body hair? And at what point do you look in the mirror and convince yourself that having hair all over your face and upper lip is the way to go? Do you also shave polka-dots into your chest hair? Landing strip pubes? 

Idk what is wrong with these people, but I do know the prescription: Shave your fucking beard!

Shave your fucking beard

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Comments (70)

Most Helpful
  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:20pm

I'm trying to take my country back brother

Jun 23, 2022 - 10:43pm
CiaronSmith, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You should leave the country, frankly. People like you are narrow-minded, immature and incapable of thinking logically - indicative of the pathetic times we live in and the decline of America. 

Facial hair has historically been, and currently is, a sign of health and virility - has been since the times of the legendary Aryan Persians and Hellenic Greeks. It's great, frankly. You know who doesn't have facial hair? Chemo patients. 

Facial hair has no relevance to job performance or your ability either. It's just facial hair. It's not "dirty" either, especially if trimmed neatly.

It doesn't reflect badly on anyone to have it, especially since we all have different genetics too. Why should someone who can grow a beard in under 24 hours have to shave everyday because someone else, with significantly different genetics, can't grow a beard in under 6 months? Absurd. 

In fact, it's highly likely you are insecure you can't grow as thick a beard as others and are like many others, looking for an excuse to make yourself feel better.

Ultimately, your post has now ensured I won't be shaving anytime soon. Thank you. You incompetent fool.

PS. Trump is a morbidly obese, dyslexic, incompetent promo artist. That's a lot more offensive than facial hair.

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  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:20pm

Have you ever thought to let people have a personality? Not shaped into some excel monkey that all look the same. Sounds like you are upset cause you can't grow a beard yourself. Let people do what they want or egotistical assholes like yourself will run this world into a groupthink one way machine. 

  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:21pm

At least I wont be carrying the remnants of it on my upper-lip, caught within my facial hair, all day. 

Jun 23, 2022 - 11:42am
UFOinsider, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Best comment so far LOL

Get busy living
  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:25pm

Money.monkey. You have demonstrated great disrespect and poor manners. Ya fiya'd!

Shave

  • Investment Manager in IA
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:25pm

This sounds like it was written by someone in their 60s. 

Jun 22, 2022 - 3:35pm
Sterb, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Maybe if you drank less soy milk you'd be able to grow one...until then, keep up the incel energy

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  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:36pm

Ironic because being a neck-beard who says shit like "soy boy" is literally peak incel

Jun 23, 2022 - 10:46pm
CiaronSmith, what's your opinion? Comment below:

No he's right. You're a total loser because you're mad you can't grow a beard.

Otherwise you're just low IQ. Imagine thinking facial hair is a topic of discussion.

It's absolutely fine to have a beard in any capacity.

  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 3:39pm

Did your gf get rallied by someone w a bear? 

Yeah, but then the bear mauled him to death so we're even now I guess. 

  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 4:06pm

>Guy with a beard being rude

SHOCKER!

Rude

Jun 22, 2022 - 4:25pm
thebrofessor, what's your opinion? Comment below:

used to be hardcore for clean shaven, thinking the same as you. as I've gotten older, I've softened my stance, it really doesn't matter. currently have a beard, but not ISIS style, more like king felipe (current king of spain) without as much silver/white

live and let live bro

PS - have you ever considered that many men's faces actually prefer to have the hair grown out, and that it's not a fashion statement? I can speak to this because of my mixed ethnicity, my facial hair is curly, so when kept clean shaven, I would get ingrown hairs, occasionally horrific looking, and since having a beard, all discomfort and unsightly red spots have gone away. just like I won't assume you're being serious (because this feels like a troll), you shouldn't assume it's just a "fashion statement" unless you have the evidence

Jun 23, 2022 - 11:44am
UFOinsider, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Have your people consider testifying before the Jan6 cmte that you tried to overthrow America and make yourself dictator

Get busy living
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  • 1
  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jun 22, 2022 - 5:52pm

Most people I see with beards in the office are fucking indian or muslim

Jun 23, 2022 - 3:21pm
jackdonaghy26, what's your opinion? Comment below:

The best part about this blatantly idioitic post, is that you don't know an Indian can be muslim as well (~200m of them to be slightly pedantic...).

Array
Jun 23, 2022 - 4:09pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Saying "Indians or Muslims " doesn't imply that Indians can't be Muslim. It just implies that not all Indians are Muslims and not all Muslims are Indian.

Array

Jun 22, 2022 - 5:54pm
Kevin25, what's your opinion? Comment below:

you want to look more like a girl with your smooth face? what's next? maybe we should also cut our balls cause it's unprofessional and dirty?

Jun 23, 2022 - 8:39am
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I though anon posts weren't allowed in Off Topic???

*
Jun 23, 2022 - 10:31am
TimesNewMoney, what's your opinion? Comment below:

OP here. I think I initially posted it in the IB forum by default and it later was moved to Off-Topic. Now I can no longer hide my hot takes behind the shield of anonymity /: 

Jun 23, 2022 - 9:01am
financeabc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Tbh, I do not really care what anyone else does with facial hair.  I shave every every day but I only shave the goatee every 2-3 days.  I kind of like the subtle, scruffy look.  I think an issue with maintaining a full beard might be the impact on your skin.  I would assume that if you have a full beard, you can't moisturize your face and then the complexion of the skin might deteriorate.  With that said, I do not really know if this is true or not. 

  • 1
Jun 23, 2022 - 10:07am
Memberberries, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It seems that in the professional world, almost everyone over 45 is clean shaven and almost everyone under 35 has facial hair (at least among the men who can grow it). It's a generational thing. It will come and go. No look is innately professional or unprofessional. 19th century professionals sported ornate facial hair. Given the available tools of the time, they probably spent a lot of time on it. 
 

I wish I could go clean shaven but a few years ago I shaved my facial hair off entirely, went into the office, and a woman almost cried. Literally, a woman almost cried. Apparently, I look like a prepubescent girl when clean shaven. 

Array

  • 3
Jun 23, 2022 - 10:35am
TimesNewMoney, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It definitely is generational. My parents/grandparents are super old-school Catholics so I was raised on the notion that not shaving and washing your face before going out in public is sheer disrespect. Intellectually I know it's not universally accepted as fact, but instinctively I still wince when I see somebody in a suit and/or client meeting unshaven.  

Jun 23, 2022 - 11:38am
HardosAnonymous, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Few seniors in my group including group head actually have beards. I think I'm the only junior with a beard

Jun 23, 2022 - 11:44am
financeabc, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Memberberries

It seems that in the professional world, almost everyone over 45 is clean shaven and almost everyone under 35 has facial hair (at least among the men who can grow it). It's a generational thing. It will come and go. No look is innately professional or unprofessional. 19th century professionals sported ornate facial hair. Given the available tools of the time, they probably spent a lot of time on it. 
 

I wish I could go clean shaven but a few years ago I shaved my facial hair off entirely, went into the office, and a woman almost cried. Literally, a woman almost cried. Apparently, I look like a prepubescent girl when clean shaven. 

I do not think looking like a girl is a good thing but having a younger look will eventually work for you. Looking young is probably a disadvantage in the teens and twenties but when you get beyond 30, it becomes a good thing.  I looked very young as a teen and in the early to mid twenties.  It definitely affected my confidence back then but most of it was probably in my own mind, thinking that girls were not going to like the younger looking guy.  Lifting weights helped me get beyond much of this.  Tbh, I only started being able to grow decent facial hair in the past couple of years. I attribute it to an oil based shampoo and retinol.  My facial hair looked like crap when I was younger.  

  • 3
Jun 23, 2022 - 11:40am
HardosAnonymous, what's your opinion? Comment below:

IU Kelley actually makes kids shave their beards for their IBW class. They also have to show up with suits even if it's just office hours. Their obsession with this is insane to the point where Haeberle once screamed at someone in front of 100~ people because he had some stubble. Beards are not okay but lying about your race is lol. 

Jun 23, 2022 - 10:53pm
CiaronSmith, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Why would anyone pay to go to a school where the KKK was founded.

I get USC/UCLA. I get NYU. I even get Michigan/Ann Arbor.

I simply don't get IU. Garbage location.

Jun 24, 2022 - 12:16pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

If you go back 100-200 years you'll find extremist alum at any school. Kind of a silly reason to avoid a school with a student body of thousands of people just because of a few extremists in the schools history.

Also USC/UCLA are more geared towards west coast recruiting whereas IU can get you into CHI.

Array

Jun 23, 2022 - 11:45am
UFOinsider, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Shaved face make you look like a fucking intern

Get busy living
  • 1
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Jun 24, 2022 - 9:42am
thebrofessor, what's your opinion? Comment below:

this. about 2 memes in I was thinking this is a troll, the fact people continue to feed him is great

btw OP, alexander the great shared your views, he told all of his soldiers to shave their fucking beards. then again, marcus aurelius, aristotle, plato, and socrates all had beards, so who tf knows

Jun 24, 2022 - 11:47am
TimesNewMoney, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Jun 24, 2022 - 2:23pm
bawstin, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Jun 24, 2022 - 8:47pm
sneed and feed, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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